New Member whose son did not get a bid

5ccl · #1 02-24-2011, 06:44 PM

I am a new member to this. My son did not receive a bid to any fraternity at the college he is attending. All of his friends at school and at home are members of a fraternity. Needless to say, he feels very left out and lonely. He wants to try again in the fall for a bid. The reason he went away to college was to experience the "full" college life, which to him, right or wrong,
means being a member of a fraternity. I dont know how to help him. Anyone else experience this?

LadyLonghorn · #2 02-24-2011, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 5ccl

I am a new member to this. My son did not receive a bid to any fraternity at the college he is attending. All of his friends at school and at home are members of a fraternity. Needless to say, he feels very left out and lonely. He wants to try again in the fall for a bid. The reason he went away to college was to experience the "full" college life, which to him, right or wrong,
means being a member of a fraternity. I dont know how to help him. Anyone else experience this?

There's nothing you can do to change the situation. You can offer emotional support but let him man up and figure out a solution on his own.

fall11eu · #3 10-03-2011, 09:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyLonghorn

There's nothing you can do to change the situation. You can offer emotional support but let him man up and figure out a solution on his own.

Exactly.

Gusteau · #4 02-24-2011, 06:59 PM

Encourage your son to get involved in other clubs or organizations in the mean time, and if he's still interested in fraternity life he can try again in the fall.

KSUViolet06 · #5 02-24-2011, 07:12 PM

Let him vent. He'll appreciate that. At the same time, don't talk about it every time you speak to him.

violetpretty · #6 02-24-2011, 07:20 PM

If you want more specific advice, you might want to share some more information. For example, how many chapters did he rush? What do his GPA and activities look like? Ask him to take a serious look at how he presented himself during rush (not just appearance, but conduct). He may have said something to offend someone, he could have been too pushy, he may not have acted like he was already in, the possibilities are endless, but we have no information other than your son did not get a bid.

DTD Alum · #7 10-03-2011, 09:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by violetpretty

What do his GPA and activities look like?

I actually agree with the rest of your post so I'm not trying to be rude, but this is fraternity rush, not sorority rush...really, really good chance they didn't even have this information, and if they did have it there's even more of a good chance they didn't look at it or care. In the vast majority of fraternities that I've seen (including my collegiate chapter) GPA and activities (save for being on the roster of the college sports that mattered on campus) didn't give any sort of an edge...it was literally all about personality. We pledged some absurd grade risks because we thought they were fun, and cut plenty of guys with what I'm sure were impeccable resumes because they didn't fit in.

I do think the one thing about fraternity rush is that at the vast majority of schools you are picking which chapters to look at...often those who do not get bids to the chapters they look at have a bit of a disconnect with where they want to fit in/think they fit in vs. where they actually do fit in. He must be feeling awful right now, but if he decides to rush again (and he should...at most campuses re-rushing rushees are not looked down upon unless they are going for the same chapters) make sure he casts his net wide and looks at a variety of chapters at the initial stages.

DeltaBetaBaby · #8 02-24-2011, 07:40 PM

Are you asking what to say to make him feel better? Or are you asking what advice you can give him to help him get a bid in the fall?

SoCalGirl · #9 10-04-2011, 03:15 AM

Also, I seem to recall sorority women, hell women in general, being able to have *some* influence on a rushees chances. If the ladies the chapter is trying to be in good graces with is already trash talkig a rushee, forget about it. If the same ladies are taking him around and introducing him to their friends in a fraternity, it says a lot. But, of course DA is right, if the personality isn't a match the bid is unlikely to happen.