Wedding etiquette

[ree-Xi]

A cousin of mine got married two years ago. She was 8 months pregnant and had a small wedding ceremony at home with only her husband, her sister, her (to be) mother in law and sister in law. They made a huge deal to purposely exclude everyone else in the family. It wasn't a financial decision; they posted pictures and titled them "the chosen few".

Flash forward to now. They are having a reception at the country club, with 8 bridesmaids. No reconfirming their vows, no church ceremony (we're Catholic). I asked her sister if they are registered, and the reply was "No they are not, they have everything they need, they would appreciate money gifts."

If they "have everything", why ask for money?

I have read that the proper way to ask for money is to indicate that the couple is saving for something specific, like a house, a honeymoon, etc. I also read that it is improper to ask for gifts, and that it is not mandatory to give one (not that I would ever do that).

It just seems to me that they are doing this solely for the money. I know that they are not paying for this, and neither are either of their parents. A mutual relative (between my cousin and I) is footing the bill (they ASKED him, and feeling pressured, he obliged. This person helps a lot of people in the family.)

Of course I will give them a gift, but I am uneasy with the whole thing. The option of not attending would not be acceptable (I'm very close with my uncle, her dad).

General thoughts??

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

A cousin of mine got married two years ago. She was 8 months pregnant and had a small wedding ceremony at home with only her husband, her sister, her (to be) mother in law and sister in law. They made a huge deal to purposely exclude everyone else in the family. It wasn't a financial decision; they posted pictures and titled them "the chosen few".

Flash forward to now. They are having a reception at the country club, with 8 bridesmaids. No reconfirming their vows, no church ceremony (we're Catholic). I asked her sister if they are registered, and the reply was "No they are not, they have everything they need, they would appreciate money gifts."

If they "have everything", why ask for money?

I have read that the proper way to ask for money is to indicate that the couple is saving for something specific, like a house, a honeymoon, etc. I also read that it is improper to ask for gifts, and that it is not mandatory to give one (not that I would ever do that).

It just seems to me that they are doing this solely for the money. I know that they are not paying for this, and neither are either of their parents. A mutual relative (between my cousin and I) is footing the bill (they ASKED him, and feeling pressured, he obliged. This person helps a lot of people in the family.)

Of course I will give them a gift, but I am uneasy with the whole thing. The option of not attending would not be acceptable (I'm very close with my uncle, her dad).

General thoughts??

How do you have a bridesmaid, let alone eight without being a bride or having a ceremony? There is never a proper way to ask for gifts or money because it isn't proper!

There's so much I'd like to say re: marrying at eight months pregnant, publicly, and then having a gift fest wedding because one missed out. Other than the people who are on the show "I didn't know I was pregnant!" it is pretty obvious at eight months, and she posted it on Facebook so it wasn't a secret marriage to coincide with a pregnancy.

Give them a hardbound etiquette book and thank you cards with stamps.

[twinkle555]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

A cousin of mine got married two years ago. She was 8 months pregnant and had a small wedding ceremony at home with only her husband, her sister, her (to be) mother in law and sister in law. They made a huge deal to purposely exclude everyone else in the family. It wasn't a financial decision; they posted pictures and titled them "the chosen few".

Flash forward to now. They are having a reception at the country club, with 8 bridesmaids. No reconfirming their vows, no church ceremony (we're Catholic). I asked her sister if they are registered, and the reply was "No they are not, they have everything they need, they would appreciate money gifts."

If they "have everything", why ask for money?

I have read that the proper way to ask for money is to indicate that the couple is saving for something specific, like a house, a honeymoon, etc. I also read that it is improper to ask for gifts, and that it is not mandatory to give one (not that I would ever do that).

It just seems to me that they are doing this solely for the money. I know that they are not paying for this, and neither are either of their parents. A mutual relative (between my cousin and I) is footing the bill (they ASKED him, and feeling pressured, he obliged. This person helps a lot of people in the family.)

Of course I will give them a gift, but I am uneasy with the whole thing. The option of not attending would not be acceptable (I'm very close with my uncle, her dad).

General thoughts??

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

How do you have a bridesmaid, let alone eight without being a bride or having a ceremony? There is never a proper way to ask for gifts or money because it isn't proper!

There's so much I'd like to say re: marrying at eight months pregnant, publicly, and then having a gift fest wedding because one missed out. Other than the people who are on the show "I didn't know I was pregnant!" it is pretty obvious at eight months, and she posted it on Facebook so it wasn't a secret marriage to coincide with a pregnancy.

Give them a hardbound etiquette book and thank you cards with stamps.

WOW..can you said RUDE?! I can totally see why you are uneasy, her behavior is ridic. I agree with VandalSquirrel, sounds like she needs a lesson in etiquette!

[DrPhil]

I don't understand why this would make sense to them and why anyone else would go along with it. Eight bridesmaids?

I assume they just need money. I agree with you that, if they need money, they should give an idea of what they are raising money for. Afterall, they got married a couple of years ago so most people probably won't be eager to give money and gift cards NOW.

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by twinkle555

WOW..can you said RUDE?! I can totally see why you are uneasy, her behavior is ridic. I agree with VandalSquirrel, sounds like she needs a lesson in etiquette!

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I am very seldom at a loss for words when it comes to tacky people and weddings, but I can't even come up with the words to describe this situation.

Vandal pretty much covered it all. Money is never proper and 8 months pregnant? Really?

This is likely a "we need baby money" grab, disguised as "not a money grab." lol.

That isn't a baby, that's a toddler!

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I don't understand why this would make sense to them and why anyone else would go along with it. Eight bridesmaids?

I assume they just need money. I agree with you that, if they need money, they should give an idea of what they are raising money for. Afterall, they got married a couple of years ago so most people probably won't be eager to give money and gift cards NOW.

You also have to wonder if people gave privately for the wedding and the baby, or if there was a baby shower, so this is redundant and greedy.

[annabella]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Eight bridesmaids?

One for each month, duh.

I like ae_phi alum's idea of the etiquette book. I think a good gift to acknowledge the tackiness but avoid making waves would be a giftcard to a children's store.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by annabella

One for each month, duh.

oh yeaahhhhhhh...as if it couldn't get dumber.

[KSUViolet06]

I am very seldom at a loss for words when it comes to tacky people and weddings, but I can't even come up with the words to describe this situation.

Vandal pretty much covered it all. Money is never proper and 8 months pregnant? Really?

This is likely a "we need baby money" grab, disguised as "not a money grab." lol.

[Kazekuro]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I am very seldom at a loss for words when it comes to tacky people and weddings, but I can't even come up with the words to describe this situation.

Vandal pretty much covered it all. Money is never proper and 8 months pregnant? Really?

This is likely a "we need baby money" grab, disguised as "not a money grab." lol.

Proper wedding etiquette requires the "Bride" to NEVER ask for gifts let alone some time after the wedding took place by having a second reception UNLESS "In lue of gifts please make a donation to XYZ charity".

Also while I know this woman (not a lady) is using this as a loosely veild money grab do not spend the $50 on the hard bound book it has only a few pictures and a lot of words she might not know them.

Etiquette for Dummies should work just as well.

xoxox
Kaze


-----
"PIKACHU I CHOOSE YOU." Just another night with Phi Mu and Sigma Nu hanging out.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Kazekuro

Proper wedding etiquette requires the "Bride" to NEVER ask for gifts let alone some time after the wedding took place by having a second reception UNLESS "In lue of gifts please make a donation to XYZ charity".

The proper spelling is "in lieu."

[BabyPiNK_FL]

I woulsd say avoid money, give a gift that can't be retuned that corresponds with their anniversary year as noted on wikipedia (search "Aniversary Gifts") be sure to have it engraved so they can't sell it on ebay!

[jdrama]

If I wasnt invited to the wedding, they wouldn't be getting a GIFT in the first place. But if you must, I'd be slick and buy a gift for the child. That's always helpful right? And take the tags off and don't bring it in the bag that advertises the store name. No store credit or refund for them! lol

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by jdrama

If I wasnt invited to the wedding, they wouldn't be getting a GIFT in the first place. But if you must, I'd be slick and buy a gift for the child. That's always helpful right?

That's actually an excellent idea. I would do a child gift card. Let them figure it out what the kid wears.

[Senusret I]

Originally Posted by jdrama

If I wasnt invited to the wedding, they wouldn't be getting a GIFT in the first place. But if you must, I'd be slick and buy a gift for the child. That's always helpful right? And take the tags off and don't bring it in the bag that advertises the store name. No store credit or refund for them! lol

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

CHARLOTTE HAS PUDDING IN HER PRADA
CHARLOTTE POUGHKEEPSIED IN HER PANTS

Thanks for giving me an excuse to watch this for the zillionth time. *popping in the dvd*