Question for Rho Gammas

[phi.sig.love]

This year during recruitment I noticed that a lot of girls in my Rho Gamma group were dropping my sorority right off the bat based on rumors and tent talk. Did this happen to you guys? and how did it feel knowing that your house wasnt being given a fair chance, and there's nothing you can do about it?

I struggled with this, while listening to my girls say that they would "never be caught dead" in my letters (none of them realized what sorority I am in, and were saying these comments candidly). I am proud to say that I was able to keep my vow of neutrality and not reveal myself until bid day; although I highly enjoyed watching the surprised faces of my charges when they saw how proud I am to be wearing my Phi Sigma Sigma letters!!

[TPA85]

I can't speak as a Rho Gamma, but this problem was prevalent when I went through recruitment as a PNM. Theta Phi is the newest chapter on campus and when I went through recruitment, it was the first formal recruitment the chapter had done since it was officially chartered. A lot of the girls were calling TPA "the free space" because "they'll take anyone, they need members real bad since they're new".......
[[Obviously that isn't true, TPA recruits based on values just like everyone else, not on numbers]]

I did think it was unfair that a lot of the other PNMs disregarded TPA (and the Rho Gams weren't any help...when I heard girls ask about the quality of the chapter, most of them just said "Well, they ARE new......") but that's okay because my pledge class was pretty ideal (you know, in my completely biased opinion, anyway )

[FSUZeta]

it's got to be disheartening to hear cruel, ill-informed comments about your chapter, especially when you have vowed not to reveal your indentity and can not set the record straight.

i do not recall hearing anything negative said about any chapter from anyone in my rush group, either when i was a pnm or 3 years later when i was a recruitment counselor. maybe we were a little more savvy back then, and the girls knew that any negative comments they said might hurt their rho gammas feelings, since she might be a member.

the only thing off the top of my head that i can come up with would be for the panhellenic officers, during the first informational meeting with pnms, to stress that the pnms keep their opinions to themselves, because negative comments could impact their recruitment success and might hurt the feelings of their rho gamma or fellow pnm.
the best thing for a rho gamma hearing negative comments about her chapter to do, is probably just what you did-carry on as if you did not hear and just show your sorority's values in your actions. often times peoples attitudes change after they get to know someone better.

[PhoenixAzul]

I was a Rho Chi twice in my college career. My chapter is/was the smallest on campus. I heard several girls say very very cruel things about my chapter, and about another chapter whom we are very close to. I always always always tried to nip that as quick as possible. I pulled one particularly virulent gossiper aside and basically said, "Look, the girls in those chapters have won x award and y award, and are incredibly kind people. They have invited you into their home and could potentially offer you an invitation to join their sorority. Even if you have no intention of joining, part of growing up means learning to be polite and gracious and accept hospitality. You're also discouraging and damaging the opinions of other girls in the group who very much want to be part of those sororities. So please keep your negative comments to yourself and let others form their own."

Even though she had a stellar recruitment (full invites and got to choose her chapter, which was a "top" chapter)...I was kind of glad we didn't get stuck with her.

I know as Rho Gammas/Rho Chis, we have to be as neutral as possible, but I'd rather give up some of my neutrality than allow one Miss Prissypants to ruin the recruitment of the other girls in the group.

[southbymidwest]

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

I was a Rho Chi twice in my college career. My chapter is/was the smallest on campus. I heard several girls say very very cruel things about my chapter, and about another chapter whom we are very close to. I always always always tried to nip that as quick as possible. I pulled one particularly virulent gossiper aside and basically said, "Look, the girls in those chapters have won x award and y award, and are incredibly kind people. They have invited you into their home and could potentially offer you an invitation to join their sorority. Even if you have no intention of joining, part of growing up means learning to be polite and gracious and accept hospitality. You're also discouraging and damaging the opinions of other girls in the group who very much want to be part of those sororities. So please keep your negative comments to yourself and let others form their own."

Even though she had a stellar recruitment (full invites and got to choose her chapter, which was a "top" chapter)...I was kind of glad we didn't get stuck with her.

I know as Rho Gammas/Rho Chis, we have to be as neutral as possible, but I'd rather give up some of my neutrality than allow one Miss Prissypants to ruin the recruitment of the other girls in the group.

Yeah, I guess slapping those little witches upside the head hard is not possible. But I LOVED what you said to the twit. I think that it could apply to so many situations in life. You showed such graciousness and class.

[33girl]

You just keep your mouth shut (unless they're saying blatant, harmful things like your chapter hazes or makes people drink/sleep with certain fraternities/etc) and then watch them feel really guilty and embarrassed when you reveal your letters.

And if they DON'T feel guilty and embarrassed...you most likely wouldn't want them as sisters anyway.

[twinkle555]

When I was Pi Chi I only had one issue with one of my girls and my chapter and it really surprised me. She had my chapter and one other chapter to go to for the third round (round before Pref and Bid Night). She took her list, I asked if she was ok, and she basically BLEW UP and had SUCH a hissy fit about going back to my chapter! (Of course she didnt know it was mine, actually NONE of my girls guessed my affiliation). She told me she would, and I quote, "reluctantly go to the other house but, I am NOT goin' to AOII." I was so confused because none of my other girls had a problem with AOII! What I really wanted to say was "Look bitch, you cant just choose, you either go to both or you can sign your drop form and peace out." BUT, I chose better words than that. Anyways, Miss Country Prisspants went to the other chapter's third round first and apparently had a such a crappy () time there that she decided to just drop out then and there. Honestly, her expectations were insane and she really ticked me off. After it was all said and done,and we were back in our hotel room, my fellow Pi Chi leader said "Did you really want a girl like that in your house anyways?" "Ahhh TRUE heck no!"

The icing on the cake was when she ended up being in one of my classes and looked SOOO super embarrassed when she saw me walk in in my letters

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by 33girl

You just keep your mouth shut (unless they're saying blatant, harmful things like your chapter hazes or makes people drink/sleep with certain fraternities/etc) and then watch them feel really guilty and embarrassed when you reveal your letters.

This is generally what happens. You keep your happy neutral face on the whole time, your PNMs love you and think you're super sweet. They say all sorts of mean things about certain chapters, figuring that "She couldn't be a ________ because she's too nice or not ____ like all the other ____ are." Then bid day comes and they feel like crap for trashing your chapter.

There was a Rho Chi in one of my classes who said one of her girls actually CRIED on Bid Night because she had gotten really close with her over the week and realized on Bid Night that she had been trashing the Rho Chi's chapter all week long. That's probably a really crappy feeling.

[agzg]

My group never guessed my affiliation. I didn't have much of a problem with them talking trash on my own chapter, but I did try to keep a lid on any tent talk within my earshot.

All you can really do is to live your organization's ideals, ignore it, and let them feel like assholes come bid day.

[violetpretty]

I agree with FSUZeta, and that I basically what I did. I explained to my group before recruitment that they need to keep opinions to themselves to not negatively influence other PNMs in their group. Even if a PNM thinks a chapter is horrible, remnd her there are women in it who love it. There is no need to trash a chapter that simply isn't for you. Plus, a PNM's mind can change, and she doesn't want to look like an idiot for trashing a chapter in the beginning that she may like later on.

Mine were all really good. I swear, I was prepared for the worst and I got the easiest group. They were so funny and covered their ranking sheets from each other.

[bevinpiphi]

I set up expectations at the very beginning for my group - there was to be no tent or table talk, unless it was to say how nice each chapter was. I explained that I am, at heart, a kindergarten teacher, and would hold them to the expectation "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
They were actually convinced that the only chapter I couldn't possibly be was my own. The bus came late to pick us up at Pi Phi during welcome rounds, and I was PISSED. They thought I hated that chapter because I looked so angry at it. I got guesses across the board, and one girl was very disappointed because she was convinced that I was the chapter she loved.

My hardest moment was actually when a girl decided to single intentional preference my house. I LOVED this girl from the first night, and it was very hard for me to try to convince her to put both houses on her bid card to maximize her options. I really wanted her to go Pi Phi, but couldn't let it on. I think it's harder to not look like a proud momma than to not be upset when hearing negative.

[Benzgirl]

The opposite happened to me as KSUViolet explained. I never spoke ill about any chapters because I thought my RhoGam was in one of the not-so-popular chapters. Boy was I shocked when she revealed her chapter -- one of the "top tier" chapters.

[SthrnZeta]

When I was a Rho Gamma, some of the girls guessed it right and some didn't (I had one girl totally convinced I was an AXiD and another really thought I was a Gamma Phi). I heard a few negative comments about my chapter and it definitely sucked hearing them but I was trained pretty well on how to deal with such things and I knew they'd feel bad later at Rho Gamma revealing. It's part of being a Rho Gamma I think, which is why they interview you about being able to stay objective.