Being Sexually Harassed at Work! Please Help!!!

[Gucci Model]

So first things first, I am a regular poster on GC for over 3 years. I do not, however, want people to know my name, location, affiliation, or any other identifying information that I have disclosed over the years because the question I'm posting is extremely sensitive. So, I'm using this (really lame) sockpuppet but please bear with me.

I started my first real job about 6 months ago and am being sexually harassed by my boss. I graduated in December (one semester early) and was fresh out of college when I started. Initially, I was sooooo happy to have a job. But now the situation with my boss has changed everything. He is twice my age, married with kids, and in a position of authority over me. He sends me inappropriate emails, calls my cell phone 24/7, sends gross text messages, etc. etc. He makes comments about my breasts and ass. I could go on and on but you get the idea.

I work in an office of about 20 people, 17 of whom are men. They all talk about penises, sex, how much they hate their wives, our clients breasts, strippers etc. etc. daily. They also drink on the job very very frequently and will leave work to go to the bars or strip clubs (yes! during the middle of the day!)

I have already brought this up with the HR guy. Our firm has offices in about 14 states and the HR part of the company is in a different state so I have only talked to him on the phone. He said "boys will be boys" and that our company has a "fun" reputation. He was of no help.

I feel sick to my stomach about working at this company. Today I have the day off because I had to travel for work all weekend and I am trying to decide what to do about this job. I don't want to quit because I am so new and the economy is rough.

[33girl]

Google your company's name online and see if anything like this has come up at any of the other branches.

Or just cut to the chase and call your boss's wife.

[Gucci Model]

Sorry to double-post but I forgot to add that he's now starting to plan "retreats" for us (like just the 2 of us) for 4 different conferences, conventions, and visits to other branches during the summer. I really don't want to go because I'm afraid it might go from harassment to assault or something. I don't know how to get out of going. I don't know why he's asking me to go either since I'm in a very entry-level position.

And thanks for the good ideas 33girl!

[pbear19]

Originally Posted by Gucci Model

Sorry to double-post but I forgot to add that he's now starting to plan "retreats" for us (like just the 2 of us) for 4 different conferences, conventions, and visits to other branches during the summer. I really don't want to go because I'm afraid it might go from harassment to assault or something. I don't know how to get out of going. I don't know why he's asking me to go either since I'm in a very entry-level position.

And thanks for the good ideas 33girl!

My advice would be to document everything, and send it in writing to your HR guys. Sometimes even when you think you've been perfectly clear, people don't get the message. Make absolutely certain that they understand the severity of the situation. If they refuse to take action at that point, or if in any way action is taken that would be negative towards you, at least you will have a written record of the communication and you can use that going forward, should you decide to take any additional action.

Email is fine, it doesn't have to be snail mail. But do get it in writing. If you have a phone conversation with HR, send them an email immediately following the convo, saying that you want to confirm the conversation. Then write up a summary of what was said on the phone and send it in.

Sometimes, as wrong as it is, people need to realize that you are serious about your discomfort before they will do anything about it.

Edit to add - I am so sorry you are going through this!!!! I hope that it works out in the end, and that you know that none of this is in any way your fault!!!

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by pbear19

My advice would be to document everything, and send it in writing to your HR guys.

Absolutely. Document everything. Start a file (or two - an electronic file and a hard copy file) and update it as frequently as necessary. Save all inappropriate texts and emails, document all inappropriate verbal/physical exchanges (record the date, time, location, witnesses - everything).

Once you've compiled this information, I would immediately send it (actually, send a copy of it and keep the originals) to HR. Continue to update your file(s) while HR is reviewing the documents. If, after ample time, HR refuses to take action, I would look into legal options. In fact, I might start researching legal representatives right now (just to find out what your options are, not necessarily to contact them... yet).

Good luck handling this crappy position someone else has put you in. I really hope it all turns out well for you.

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by pbear19

My advice would be to document everything, and send it in writing to your HR guys. Sometimes even when you think you've been perfectly clear, people don't get the message. Make absolutely certain that they understand the severity of the situation. If they refuse to take action at that point, or if in any way action is taken that would be negative towards you, at least you will have a written record of the communication and you can use that going forward, should you decide to take any additional action.

Email is fine, it doesn't have to be snail mail. But do get it in writing. If you have a phone conversation with HR, send them an email immediately following the convo, saying that you want to confirm the conversation. Then write up a summary of what was said on the phone and send it in.

Sometimes, as wrong as it is, people need to realize that you are serious about your discomfort before they will do anything about it.

Edit to add - I am so sorry you are going through this!!!! I hope that it works out in the end, and that you know that none of this is in any way your fault!!!

Agreed 100%.. your boss is not demonstrating acceptable behavior at all.

[texas*princess]

You can usually print out your phone logs online (to show his incoming calls).

I can at least, and I deal w/ Sprint. If you get your bill in the mail, the log may be on the back of the bill.

If you can't print it out online, or to get text messages you have deleted, I think your phone company can help you with this but you have to call them.

[AZ-AlphaXi]

Do you feel comfortable going to your boss's boss with this information? Are there
any women in management that you would feel comfortable talking to?

Also, if he is setting up trips for you, insist on separate rooms and refuse to go if
you can't have separate accomodations. That's just basic business practice. Once at
the conference, don't accept invitations to eat with him or go out with him .. plead
tired and going back to your room. Once there lock the door and don't let him in.

[ThetaPrincess24]

Originally Posted by AZ-AlphaXi

Do you feel comfortable going to your boss's boss with this information? Are there
any women in management that you would feel comfortable talking to?

Also, if he is setting up trips for you, insist on separate rooms and refuse to go if
you can't have separate accomodations. That's just basic business practice. Once at
the conference, don't accept invitations to eat with him or go out with him .. plead
tired and going back to your room. Once there lock the door and don't let him in.

I'm not sure if even going is a good idea, regardless of accomodation arrangements. I may be overly cautious, but still going may give him an idea and you dont want to further encounter unwanted advances and potentially worse. What if he were to follow you to your room and push his way in? Or take advantage of you at a potentially other vulnerable location? Then what? In this kind of situation I would personally rather be overly cautious instead of naive. Guard your person and your reputation by not going. It's not worth it.

[CutiePie2000]

Originally Posted by Gucci Model

Sorry to double-post but I forgot to add that he's now starting to plan "retreats" for us (like just the 2 of us) for 4 different conferences, conventions, and visits to other branches during the summer. I really don't want to go because I'm afraid it might go from harassment to assault or something. I don't know how to get out of going. I don't know why he's asking me to go either since I'm in a very entry-level position.

Like my GC colleagues have said, do not travel with this man. He is trying to "isolate" you and perpetrators isolate the victim to make committing a sexual assault easier. Document everything and keep it at home or another safe location.

Remember that harassment is "unwelcome behavior" and that HR person that you first spoke with is some unbelievably unprofessional, I can't even believe that they have a job. Wow, just wow.

[ThetaDancer]

I'm sorry you're going through this and I agree with the advice that's been posted so far.

I just want to make sure you know, since it's your first job, that this isn't "boys will be boys" or "fun" behavior...it's completely inappropriate and you shouldn't have to put up with it. I'm sure you know that, but I really want to reinforce that, especially since the human resources person was dismissive. And as pbear said, this isn't your fault.

[Kevin]

Talk to a lawyer.

[MysticCat]

Document everything and talk to a lawyer now, not later.

Good luck!

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by Kevin

Talk to a lawyer.

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Document everything and talk to a lawyer now, not later.

Good luck!

Agree with both of these - you may feel a bit weird going to a lawyer, but as Kevin said, it's best to figure out what your legal rights are in this situation.

If you're unsure of who to see as far as a lawyer, some local bar associations have lawyer referral services.

[baci]

Originally Posted by Kevin

Talk to a lawyer.

Absolutely the best advice!

Find a lawyer with expertise in this field and allow this professional to guide you in the proper direction. You don't have do to anything you do not want to do, but it will be money well spent. You should be able to focus with a clearer head after your consultation and not go down an incorrect path based on other advice found in various ways.