Internal Conflicts

[ASTZTMimi]

Recently our chapter has been experiencing a surge of conflicts between some of our sisters. Of course they all want to point fingers and lay blame elsewhere so there is no concrete way of knowing which side is wrong or right. We have come up with a couple of ideas to try and minimize some of the conflict and the damage it has been doing (albeit subtly) to our bonds as sisters. So far they aren't really working, or at most all they are doing is making the damage harder to keep track of because now people are just not being open about their conflicts with other sisters.

Have any other chapters recently had to deal with a situation like this? What was the best way you found to handle it so that no one felt neglected or ganged up on?

[PANTHERTEKE]

You can find constructive and healthy ways of relieving the tension among the girls. Such as mud wrestling.

[VandalSquirrel]

Well you've got options.

1) Contact your leadership for problem solving and communication skills
2) Go to the library and look for books on group conflict
3) See if there's a communications professor who would like to help
4) Go to your school's counseling center (mine has a library with books on all kinds of topics, we may be special) and ask them for help (not their involvement, just information to help you).

[ASTalumna06]

Hey sister!

Conflicts will inevitably arise in every chapter, but the best thing to do is to get problems out in the open, especially when you feel it’s affecting the chapter and sisterhood as a whole.

Something that my chapter would do is to have a “gavel discussion”. I think we might have done this two or three times while I was active. We would all sit together in a circle, and everyone would give one reason why they chose to join our sorority. Following this, the President would generally give “the rules”: only the person that is holding the gavel can speak, anyone can talk after them after you raise your hand and they pass the gavel to you, no interrupting anyone, etc. Then it goes from there with everyone passing the gavel and saying what they need to say. After everyone feels that they are done, we would go around the room one more time having everyone give a reason why they enjoy being a sister. Anything that is said in the process is never talked about outside of the discussion. Sisters usually admit to those things they’ve done ‘wrong’, they apologize to other sisters, the discussions have always been productive, and they generally end up with everyone happy at the end. Most of the time, they eventually become entertaining, with people admitting to silly, little things that they’ve wanted to say for a long time.

Something else you could do in the long-term, if you don’t already, is to have designated sisterhood days. Plan a day, at least once a month, where you all get together and do something fun.

Also, you could make more positive changes to your everyday routine. From what I hear, my chapter just implemented a “Sister of the Month” program, where everyone will nominate and vote for the sister who has done the most for the chapter and/or for other sisters throughout the month. That sister will receive a reward for their efforts (most likely a “personal day” where they can opt to not attend one event throughout the month).

Create more situations where you can spend quality time together, and bring about more opportunities to recognize and compliment each others’ efforts.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by ASTZTMimi

Recently our chapter has been experiencing a surge of conflicts between some of our sisters. Of course they all want to point fingers and lay blame elsewhere so there is no concrete way of knowing which side is wrong or right. We have come up with a couple of ideas to try and minimize some of the conflict and the damage it has been doing (albeit subtly) to our bonds as sisters. So far they aren't really working, or at most all they are doing is making the damage harder to keep track of because now people are just not being open about their conflicts with other sisters.

Have any other chapters recently had to deal with a situation like this? What was the best way you found to handle it so that no one felt neglected or ganged up on?

Make sure non-sorority stuff isn't getting brought into the sorority. For example, if Susie & Jenny share an off campus apartment and Jenny isn't paying the rent, that is for them to work out as Susie and Jenny - NOT as sorority members and NOT dragging other sisters into it.

If it IS over sorority stuff (i.e. you got a small pledge class and everyone's blaming the rush chair) implement the ideas that ASTAlumna06 suggested.

[banditone]

In your courtyard or a big room of the house, tap off a ring. Toss some boxing gloves and headgear on them and let them work it out. We did this once, worked like a charm and the guys forgot all about the issue afterwards.

[honeychile]

33girl has it on the nose about separating chapter from sister problems. I'm going to post something that bears reading:

ARE YOU AN ACTIVE MEMBER?

Are you an active member,
the kind that would be missed,
or are you just contented
that your name is on the list?

Do you attend
the meetings and mingle
with the flock,
or do you meet in private
and criticize and knock?

Do you take an active part
to help the work along,
or are you satisfied to be the
kind who just belongs?

Do you work on committees,
to this there is no trick,
or leave the work to
just a few and talk
about the clique?

So come to the local meetings often,
and help with hand and heart.

Don't be just a member,
but take an active part.
Think this over folks,
you know what is
right or wrong.

Are you just a member…
or do you really belong?

-Anthony Lewis, New York Times, UAW-LUPA

[joliebelle]

During the summer, there were a lot of conflicts that were going on. So we decided to have a fireside before recruitment to clear the air and to have everything out on the table before so that our bond was even stronger before recruitment. Firesides aren't the most fun because they are so emotional, but they work.

[banditone]

Fire match. Kinda like a cage match?

[joliebelle]

well...not quite.
A fireside is basically when all of the chapter members have an organized bitchfest. sounds crazy, but it works.

[Kansas City]

It's a bunch of girls ... you're bound to have conflicts. It's just drama and every chapter is bound to have some at one time or another. On a personal level, the ladies need to buck up and just learn to deal with conflict as it won't end when you graduate.

If it begins to interfere with chapter operations then action needs to be taken. Further, if there is some concrete evidence of nastiness, perhaps you should look to your bylaws/code of standards for help and in extreme situations, bring an advisor into a discipline meeting for help in mediating the situation between individuals.