Cry Me A River... should I?

Shark In Skirt · #1 03-03-2003, 04:48 PM

You know that stupid Justin Timberlake song? Yeah, that's my ex-boyfriend's new anthem.

I went to college, joined a sorority, got a little excited and ignored him for a couple of months. Then things went smoothly again, and although we weren't officially together, we pretty much acted like we were. Went home for winter break and it was as if nothing has changed.

Then two weeks ago he tells me he's met some other girl. Apparently nearly two years of history doesn't mean anything to him now that he has somebody new, although as of now they're not together.

His spring break and my spring break are at different times. He told me that IF he has time, he'll drive down to see me, but I absolutely cannot go to his school the way I used to. He didn't really specify why.

I KNOW that he's not going to make time to see me while I'm home. Should I drive up to see him at his school even though he told me not to?

This may sound pyscho (it sure does to him) but I honest to God love this boy and I can't lose him. Any advice?

I'm not asking for sympathy or anything because I don't deserve any since I was such a stupid girl for pushing him away in the first place... I just want some advice.

Editted to Add: Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I'm pretty sure his fraternity that he just pledged may have something to do with this. I went to their semi-formal and we had a horrible time together, and I was publically campaigning for my ex with another GLO at his school. URG, STUPID GIRL, Annie.

Thanks.

XOXO,
Annie.

damasa · #2 03-03-2003, 04:50 PM

Maybe if you "ignored" him for a few months he is deciding to do the same to you? I mean if you love him, how could you ignore him, even if you joined a sorority? That might have shown him that you cared about other things more than him and maybe he's showing you that now.....

valkyrie · #3 03-03-2003, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Shark In Skirt
His spring break and my spring break are at different times. He told me that IF he has time, he'll drive down to see me, but I absolutely cannot go to his school the way I used to. He didn't really specify why.

I KNOW that he's not going to make time to see me while I'm home. Should I drive up to see him at his school even though he told me not to?

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

You should NOT, under ANY circumstances, go visit him. First of all, by saying "If I have time..." (when you know darn well he won't), he is saying that he's not interested in seeing you. Also, I think that by telling you not to come see him at school, he is really saying that he's got something going on there that you don't want to see, or that he doesn't want to lose because you show up there.

I pretty much agree with what damasa said. By ignoring him, you already showed that you're not that interested, and he's already moved on. I think it's time for you to do the same.

White_Chocolate · #4 03-03-2003, 05:39 PM

you sound like half of our new class

memo to you: THERE ARE OTHER BOYS!

i think that i can say on behalf of the girls on here
that you will break up with your high school sweetie
and it's better that it happened now
rather than later. . .you catching him cheating
hopefully, you'll get over this
and learn that there is life outside of freshman and sophomore crushes
in fact, when you turn 21, guys will be on you like a heat-seeking missile

just remember: THIS TOO SHALL PASS. . .

sugar and spice · #5 03-03-2003, 08:36 PM

You're not going to score any points with him by coming to visit him after he told you not to. Basically, what everybody else said is true -- any attempts you make to be clingy and "win him back" are just going to be deemed stalker-esque and lame in his eyes, and make it even less likely that he'll want to get back together with you. The best thing you can do is take some time out, convince yourself you deserve better and get over him. No matter what it seems like now, there are many, many other boys out there and I'm sure you'll find one who will treat you better.

bgsugirlie · #6 03-03-2003, 08:36 PM

My advice...

Guys are a dime a dozen but friends are forever. Spend some time hanging out with your sisters, do girlie things, have fun, live it up, make lots of fun memories, flirt with guys without feeling guilty, and when you aren't expecting it...some new incredible guy will enter your life and it will be happily ever after.

And trust me...I know that ending things after 2 years of history together has to hurt, but sometimes letting go is the best thing in the end...plus he sounds like he's being slightly jerkish at the moment and who needs that?!?!?!

NO GUY IS WORTH IT!

XOMichelle · #7 03-03-2003, 09:09 PM

Yeah, he has another girlfriend. Dump him. You will find other men near you.
-M

Blue Violet · #8 03-03-2003, 09:23 PM

that guys like it when you ignore them and treat them like crap. Sad but true. Not crap all the time, but once in a while just to show them you aren't under their thumb. unfortunatley I know a lot of girls like this too. Can't be happy unless their b-friend is being an ass. Anyhoo. Ignore him. If that doesn't get him back, then date other guys. That almost always works!If not, well it wasn't meant to be. Sorry

My best friends philosophy:
"Men are like kittens. I can get a new one for free any time I want."

damasa · #9 03-03-2003, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Blue Violet
that guys like it when you ignore them and treat them like crap. Sad but true. Not crap all the time, but once in a while just to show them you aren't under their thumb. unfortunatley I know a lot of girls like this too. Can't be happy unless their b-friend is being an ass. Anyhoo. Ignore him. If that doesn't get him back, then date other guys. That almost always works!If not, well it wasn't meant to be. Sorry

My best friends philosophy:
"Men are like kittens. I can get a new one for free any time I want."

What are you talking about "get him back?" I don't understand it!!!!!

SHe stated they aren't really together anymore anyway. Not to mention the fact that she joined a sorority, got all excited and "ignored" him for a FEW months. I don't want to sound like the ass, but in all respects to the situation, she brought it on herself.

I mean think about it, maybe he is just doing to her what she did to him. Because he doesn't want her to come up doesn't mean that he has "something on the side." Of course it could be, but that's not FACT. He could just be ignoring her like she did to him for a good amount of time.

I still don't understand how someone could just ignore the person they love for a long period of time like that. Maybe it wasn't reall love? Maybe he was just there to cocupy her time?

SSS1365 · #10 03-03-2003, 10:18 PM

I had a very similar situation my freshman year of college. I got into the whole college scene, making new friends and everything, and didn't have as much time for my then-boyfriend anymore... especially since he was still in high school (I was a year older than him). I'd go through periods where I'd totally ignore him and then when I realized that I was effectively pushing him away, I'd suddenly start paying a lot more attention to him. It went back and forth like this for about 3 months, and then he finally got tired of it and dumped me for another girl. Looking back on it now, I know I really brought it on myself. But the bright side is, I started dating my best guy friend at the time shortly after my ex and I broke up and now we're engaged and very happy together! So look at it as being free to find Mr. Right

Shark In Skirt · #11 03-03-2003, 10:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by damasa

I mean think about it, maybe he is just doing to her what she did to him. Because he doesn't want her to come up doesn't mean that he has "something on the side." Of course it could be, but that's not FACT. He could just be ignoring her like she did to him for a good amount of time.

I still don't understand how someone could just ignore the person they love for a long period of time like that. Maybe it wasn't reall love? Maybe he was just there to cocupy her time?

Okay, you can try to do a Freudian assessment of what my subconscious is really thinking, that maybe he's just to "occupy" my time, but is that really fair? All we have here is each other's word, and I'm saying that I love him. Sorry, but whether or not that statement is true isn't for you to judge.

I already stated that I didn't want nor did I expect any sympathy. I certainly didn't expect any kind of overemotional reaction such as yours, Damasa, either.

I just wanted ADVICE as to how I can improve the situation... you stated your opinion, and then you got personal. If you have nothing to say that will help, why add to this thread? I've already said that I accept responsibility for what I did, that I don't need anybody to cry for me, and that all I want is a little advice... I don't need you to judge the validity of my feelings for this guy.

XOXO,
Annie.

damasa · #12 03-03-2003, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Shark In Skirt
Okay, you can try to do a Freudian assessment of what my subconscious is really thinking, that maybe he's just to "occupy" my time, but is that really fair? All we have here is each other's word, and I'm saying that I love him. Sorry, but whether or not that statement is true isn't for you to judge.

I already stated that I didn't want nor did I expect any sympathy. I certainly didn't expect any kind of overemotional reaction such as yours, Damasa, either.

I just wanted ADVICE as to how I can improve the situation... you stated your opinion, and then you got personal. If you have nothing to say that will help, why add to this thread? I've already said that I accept responsibility for what I did, that I don't need anybody to cry for me, and that all I want is a little advice... I don't need you to judge the validity of my feelings for this guy.

XOXO,
Annie.

You never received an over-emotional reaction from me. I have no reason to get over-emotional, I have no idea who the heck you are and to be honest I don't really care. I'm not giving you sympathy, but it seems like a few others in this thread are. My point was YOU brought this on yourself. I don't judge your statements about you loving him or him loving you. BUt if he doesn't love you, can you REALLY blame him? I mean if you did it to you, he could sure do the same to you. And if he is possibly doing that, do you want to attempt to put yourself in that spot?

Look, I'm not trying to get personal here, so just take a step back and chill for a minute.

Don't set yourself up for hearbreak you know? So you did what you did, fine, but if he doesn't want to be with you anymore, you just have to accept that and move on. Basically what I'm saying is you shouldn't expect anything right now. Take time to step back from the situation and see how things go. If you two are meant to be, you will be. Do you kinda see what I'm getting at now?

Let him come to you.....don't go to him.

PiKA_Phil · #13 03-03-2003, 10:54 PM

I think it's time to move on...

lovelyivy84 · #14 03-04-2003, 01:43 AM

Regardless of what happened in the past he has made it clear that he doesn't want you to visit him. So don't. If you do you're setting yourself up for not just heartbreak, but a potentially bad reputation as a stalker that WILL come back and bite you in the ass again, especially if you have mutual friends.

And on another note: you asked for opinions on your situation. Attacking damasa for giving his makes no sense. Either accept his advice or ignore it, don't get mad at him for doing what you asked: responding.

Geez.

Peaches-n-Cream · #15 03-04-2003, 01:52 AM

If he doesn't want you to visit, don't just show up and surprise him. He is involved with someone else.