moving in with boyfriend.. any tales or advice

bluz4 · #1 02-12-2002, 06:27 PM

my boyfriend and i will be moving in together after he graduates law school in the spring. it will the first time for the both of us. any tales of cohabitation? any advice or warnings you guys care to share? i'm open to it all....

amycat412 · #2 02-12-2002, 06:37 PM

Don't expect things to be blissful and perfect all at once. It is an adjustment and can be a difficult one, so give it a few months after moving in, you'll relax into it and that's when it gets fun!!!

Coramoor · #3 02-12-2002, 06:41 PM

Make sure you each have your own hobby or place to get away.

I was ready to kill my girlfriend after just a week b/c I couldn't get any space! Obviously if you are moving in together you like being around each other, but no two people can be together 24-7 without butting heads.

valkyrie · #4 02-12-2002, 07:42 PM

A hobby is a great idea, especially if he will be working at a large law firm, because he will always be at work and you will never see him.

SigmaChiCard · #5 02-12-2002, 07:52 PM

sign the shortest lease that you can in case it's not what you decide later that you want.

33girl · #6 08-16-2007, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SigmaChiCard

sign the shortest lease that you can in case it's not what you decide later that you want.

Yes. Breaking up and being stuck in a lease = unfun.

Kevin · #7 08-16-2007, 04:49 PM

We do things a little different. I make a bit more than my wife, so the deal is that she buys all of the groceries and most of the meals out while I pay for everything else.. rent.. utilities.. etc.

When law school is over and the real money starts to roll in, we'll do something different I'm sure.

Cardinal026 · #8 08-16-2007, 04:54 PM

I agree that the 60/40 arrangement gets tricky. My boyfriend and I have lived together for 5 years, and at the beginning, he made so much more than me that we thought this would be the most fair...and it really was an argument about who used what utility more, etc.

Luckily, I now make the same as him, so we can split everything...but now that we have joint accounts, we tend to not stress it...if I remember to pay a bill first, I pay, otherwise he does...I know that if I need money, he'll give it to me, and vice versa. We're pretty lax about it, trusting each other with "our" money.

Lady Pi Phi · #9 08-16-2007, 09:32 PM

I have lived with my boyfriend for nearly a year now. When we first moved in together everything was split 50/50, even though he makes more than I do. It was just easier for us that way. We later decided to get a joint account. It's worked for us really well. I have my own savings account, with my money, which we have both used for vacations and such, but it's all under my control. I like having my own money, whether it be for fun or for, god forbid, emergancies of any kind.

We're looking at purchasing a house in the next year or 2, and have decided that if we're not married, we''ve both agreed to get a cohabitation agreement dealing with the division of property.

I don't think you can say one way or the other, which works best, it all depends on the couple. Things have worked out great for us, but that's just our relationship.

AGDLynn · #10 02-12-2002, 08:03 PM

I know of some AGD sisters who each have their own cell phone. That way someone won't get stuck with unwanted phone calls on the "apt." phone.

Also, put in writing who will have what utilities in whose name and how the bills will be paid.

Just to remember to think like a lawyer, he will! Get it in writing!

h2oot · #11 02-12-2002, 08:56 PM

I told my boyfriend that I don't plan to live with anybody before I get married. Not at this stage of my life. I believe that if marriage is in the offering, then I would rather wait until the vows. Otherwise, I believe that living together would create too many expectations as to when to get married, why get married, etc.

ZTAngel · #12 02-12-2002, 09:15 PM

I've had a few friends that moved in with their boyfriends. I think the most important thing to do while living with a bf is to still maintain a life outside of him. My friends who are still happy with their current living situations are the ones who went out with their friends every week, had lunch with friends, did all that fun stuff WITHOUT the boyfriend being there. Seeing someone too much can cause a lot of annoyance even if it's someone you love. The friends who ended up breaking it off with their boyfriends are the ones who ditched their friends once they moved in with their boyfriends.

Eirene_DGP · #13 02-12-2002, 09:20 PM

I'd have to agree with some of the other posts. Make sure you decide on who is going to get what bills in their name. My advice would be to stay by yourself and wait until marriage, but whatever works for you.

bluz4 · #14 02-12-2002, 10:15 PM

some of you made a great point and i think i should clarify... my boyfriend and i are planning to get married. he has given me a promise ring, promising that when he graduates from law school and gets a job, he will adorn my finger with an engagement ring. right now i happily wear my promise ring though.

so we do plan on getting married. it just made more sense to move in together because i have found a job as a copy editor at a newspaper and he will be working in the same city with me.

i'm moving out of my mother's house after a year of "staying home after college" and it didnt make any sense both of us getting and paying rent for two apts. when we will probably spend more time in one of them. so how do you do the bills/utilities thing.

and thanx so much for reminding me about thinking like a lawyer... my man still has a couple of months to go before graduation and still has to pass the bar (he will) but he thinks and acts like a lawyer already... haha

aephi alum · #15 02-12-2002, 11:10 PM

I moved in with my husband after we got engaged. It was a good thing... we learned each other's bad habits

and what it was really like to live with each other before we made the commitment of marriage. And I think our marriage is stronger for it.

Finances... That's something you will have to work out for yourselves. In my case, we were moving into grad student housing, and my then-fiance got a higher lottery pick than I did, so the rent showed up on his bursar's bill. I just gave him half the rent $ every month. Utilities were all included (whew!) except for long distance, where we each paid our own. Over time, we merged our finances as any married couple would do.

If you're moving into non-university housing, get the lease in both your names if you can, and split the utilities - you pay the electric, he pays the gas, etc - so that it works out fairly evenly.