What to tell overconfident PNMs

[dgdramadawg]

I know that every year we talk about PNMs who:
- are only interested in the biggest/"best" houses on campus
- go into recruitment with their hearts set on specific houses for whatever reasons (legacy, campus rep, friends, etc.)
- think because they are pretty and smart and were popular in high school they are guaranteed success
- think because they have friends in chapters they will be guaranteed bids

It seems like we can all agree that it's ridiculous for a PNM to go into a competitive recruitment with any combination of these attitudes. A PNM who goes in overconfident can end up dropping out if she's not happy with her invites or can end up dissatisfied with where she ends up simply because it's not the house she was initially interested in. Last year, two PNMs from my rec group ended up dropping out of recruitment simply because it didn't end up they way they expected, and I know I wasn't the only one who saw this happen.

What are some things that y'all do to help PNMs go into competitive recruitments with confidence, but also with realistic expectations?

[SWTXBelle]

The first thing I'd do is direct them to read some recruitment stories here on good ol GC.

[33girl]

Tell them to talk to their older sister (if she had a similar social status in high school) or other women she knows who have gone through similar situations.

[FSUZeta]

unfortunately, for girls like that, i don't if anything one says will be listened to. they may just have to learn it the hard way.

[KSUViolet06]

Some PNMs are overconfident because they misunderstand how recruitment works. I've had girls tell me that recruitment was "like sorority shopping" and they just "pick the ones they want." Not true.They don't get the mutual selection part of the process. Those girls who think like that are in for a rude awakening.

You aren't just "looking for a sorority", the sororities are also looking for quality sisters (among hundreds of equally qualified girls).

Also, to a girl who only wants the "top sorority", my advice to her is to consider all sororities fairly because quite frankly the top one might not want her. The so-called top groups only have X number of spots. Also, those girls should ask themselves "What if the sorority only wanted what they considered to be the 'top PNMs'?"

If all else fails, tell her: "Get over yourself, this is *insert competitive school here* everybody is just as *insert adjective here* as you are."

[Dionysus]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Tell them to talk to their older sister (if she had a similar social status in high school) or other women she knows who have gone through similar situations.

Dammit, S! I was going to say the same thing. Fight Club rocks!

[tinydancer]

33girl, I don't remember saying that line that you quoted, but damn, that was one of my better ones!

[cuteASAbug]

If they don't want to listen, don't tell them anything. Everyone's got to grow up sometime.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by tinydancer

33girl, I don't remember saying that line that you quoted, but damn, that was one of my better ones!

It was in the Mary Kay thread that got bumped

[adrie435]

I was one of those over-confident PNM's during recruitment and thinking back on it now, I really wish my PX had sat me down and just been honest with us about our chances. No one ever told us much about the fact that a lot of girls don't end up where they want. They kept telling us it was a mutual selection process and giving us the numbers of women placed every year (and never really making sure we realized that WE could be one of those 2% not placed rather than the 98% who got bids)

The moment that my group of friends and I first realized that sometimes it doesnt happen perfectly is actually when one of us got that dreaded phone call after preference parties to let her know she had not recieved a bid after suiciding. That was when I finally realized that the house I wanted may not actually want me enough to put me on their top list and I prepared myself to recieve a bid from a house I wasn't too thrilled about (even if I was confident, I wasn't stupid--so I kept all the houses I would be 'comfortable' joining even if they didn't dazzle me at recruitment). Thank God I did that because I did get that bid from my 'not-top house' and I ended up being President 2 years later, served on our campus Panhel, and had a Greek experience 10x better and more successful than any other girl who went through rush with me that semester.

I could have reached that point a lot earlier and taken a little less time to get used to the idea that they may love me, but they just couldn't take me if only our PX's would have been a little more realistic and maybe even harsh with us from the start. I feel like there are so many unrealistic PNM's out there that could make it through recruitment but no one takes the time to knock them down from that high horse before they get cut hard and drop out completely. (Keep in mind I go to a northern school so it's not the "I've been bred for this chapter" mentality, it's the "I was popular in high school and know 50 members of XYZ" one).

[violetpretty]

Keeping an open mind is very important. An open mind does not mean being open to anything but the "bottom" 2 chapters if your school has 18 chapters. It means giving EVERY chapter a chance at EVERY round you attend.

Even if a school has high placement rates, those rates don't mean that those PNMs placed all got their first choice from the beginning of recruitment (in fact most PNMs . Playing by the rules, good grades, quality recs, conversing well, a polished appearance will help you get placed, but know that at some schools, some women who would make outstanding members and do all of these things still slip through the cracks and get released from recruitment.

[carnation]

Any overconfident PNMs should read "They're Having a Blast!" (a thread about an LSU rush) or read NUBlue&Blue's comments about UGa rush and the fabulous girls from her daughter's high school who rushed there last year.

[ADPi Conniebama]

Seems to me that it depends on the school (or type of school) that the pnm is attending. (using Alabama schools \/)

If she is going to BAMA then I would tell her to KEEP AN OPEN MIND because their are ALOT of GREAT HOUSES and her # 1 is just as involed and wins stuff and is just as cute as her # 4 or #6 for that matter.

If she is going to UNA or Troy or whatever and, she IS as great as she thinks she is, then she will more then likely get what she wants, anyway. (unless she is a B$%&@^% or acts like one in the rooms) So, don't worry about her.

If she isn't so great then have a good long talk with her like everyone said before.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by ADPi Conniebama

If she is going to UNA or Troy or whatever and, she IS as great as she thinks she is, then she will more then likely get what she wants, anyway. (unless she is a B$%&@^% or acts like one in the rooms) So, don't worry about her.

There were plenty of Miss Everythings from their high schools who went through rush at my noncompetitive school, and DIDN'T get what they wanted. High school and college are two different animals.

[dgdramadawg]

Originally Posted by ADPi Conniebama

If she is going to BAMA then I would tell her to KEEP AN OPEN MIND because their are ALOT of GREAT HOUSES and her # 1 is just as involed and wins stuff and is just as cute as her # 4 or #6 for that matter.

I'd say ditto on this with other very competitive schools like Ole Miss, LSU, UGA, etc... especially if the school has 15-20 houses, how could only one or two be the "good" ones?

That LSU thread that carnation suggested reading was just heartbreaking to read. It really is a good one for anyone going through at an SEC or otherwise competitive school.

My sister (who will be rushing at an unnamed school this fall) and her closest friends have seen several girls from their group get burned in recent years because of overconfident attitudes (not getting their initial top choices or dropping because of their invites), so I really think they're aware of how crazy the cuts can be and will be as level-headed as possible about it... but I worry about the girls who don't have as many Greek friends and relatives and therefore haven't heard the horror stories. It's hard for me especially to see my students who are SOOOO excited about rushing at Auburn or Georgia and are SOOOOO naive about the possibilities for the outcome. They really have no reason to think that they won't pledge the "best" because they have never heard stories that indicate otherwise.