Tactless and hurtful

flffydg9 · #1 01-28-2009, 08:34 PM

1

libramunoz · #2 01-28-2009, 08:45 PM

I would talk with the young lady in a one-on-one (heart to heart) and let her know that the entire conversation was very upsetting to her. Let her know how it made her feel and what how it attacked her self-esteem. I would let her know that if she had wanted to comment on her bra, then it would have been better to do it in a private conversation between the two of them. I would let her know that your (your daughter) isn't trying to create any tension between the two of them, but that you just wanted to clear the air and continue the bond of sisterhood by starting a new beginning.
It helps your daughter to be able to let it out and tell her not to focus on the negative of her body, but to learn how to turn the situation into something positive without turning her sorrow into negativity or constant anxiety.

DrPhil · #3 01-28-2009, 08:46 PM

1. The active may've been crass and tactless or your daughter may be sensitive. Hard to tell. The active may've been really nice but her curiosity was loud and in the wrong venue. Who knows.

2. Life happens. Your daughter will be okay. ETA: libra's advice sounds good, too.

3. I don't know what you mean by "she continued with 'bra' while they were in line for food." What does that mean?

4. Did your daughter intend for you to bring this here when she told you? I hope not because sometimes we want to talk to a friend or parent without it going further than that, let alone a message board. Just make sure you don't get too involved.

#4 01-28-2009, 08:47 PM

Have your daughter fight her own battles.

FWAP FWAP FWAP FWAP.

VandalSquirrel · #5 01-28-2009, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OTW

Have your daughter fight her own battles.

FWAP FWAP FWAP FWAP.

I feel like there's something amiss here. As if someone is going to come in with advice and/or write a story (authored by Giggly Golfcart?) about college women and their undergarments.

DrPhil · #6 01-28-2009, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

I feel like there's something amiss here. As if someone is going to come in with advice and/or write a story (authored by Giggly Golfcart?) about college women and their undergarments.

It could just be a PSA about pectus excavatum.

I'm rather unfamiliar with it.

#7 01-28-2009, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

It could just be a PSA about pectus excavatum.

I'm rather unfamiliar with it.

My BF has it and it's never been an issue since we've been together. His grandfather had it and we think his 3 year old son might have it too, but we can't tell because he's still little.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pectus_excavatum

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #8 01-31-2009, 09:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OTW

Have your daughter fight her own battles.

FWAP FWAP FWAP FWAP.

Cosign. Daughter is a big girl and needs to figure this stuff out, even if she messes up a couple of times.

Mom needs to take a deep breath and step back a few paces.

XAntoftheSkyX · #9 01-28-2009, 08:48 PM

While I agree it wasn't the best thing to say, perhaps the member was explaining to someone else about your daughter (I have Pectus carinatum, albeit it's very slight). My advice is for your daughter to go to the sister and talk with her and let her know she was upset. Also if anyone else has a question, she should tell the member to refer them to your daughter. It shouldn't be anyone's concern.

Benzgirl · #10 01-28-2009, 08:59 PM

Based on postings from the OP last fall, I would need to agree with OTW. Something is wrong with this picture.

DrPhil · #11 01-28-2009, 09:24 PM

Oh, she tried to delete her message.

flffydg9 · #12 01-28-2009, 09:28 PM

1

#13 01-28-2009, 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flffydg9

My daughter pledged last week, and today her pledge advisor/active member brought something up that hurt her feelings. The active asked her where she bought her bras, because she "looked o.k. today", but she noticed before that she didn't, and she was wondering if my daughter was simply wearing a "bad underwire". My daughter explained to her that her breastbone is malformed (she has a pectus excavatum), and that's why she looks that way. She believes the girl said a simple "Sorry", but is not sure, as she was so upset about this. To make it worse, the active continued with the word "bra" while they were in line for food, and my daughter had to remind her that they were in public. My daughter was in tears when she called me. Your input, anyone?

QFP!

DrPhil · #14 01-28-2009, 09:28 PM

"assssssss...hooooooooole!"

~ Baby from Meet the Fockers

ZTA72 · #15 01-28-2009, 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flffydg9

My daughter pledged last week, and today her pledge advisor/active member brought something up that hurt her feelings. The active asked her where she bought her bras, because she "looked o.k. today", but she noticed before that she didn't, and she was wondering if my daughter was simply wearing a "bad underwire". My daughter explained to her that her breastbone is malformed (she has a pectus excavatum), and that's why she looks that way. She believes the girl said a simple "Sorry", but is not sure, as she was so upset about this. To make it worse, the active continued with the word "bra" while they were in line for food, and my daughter had to remind her that they were in public. My daughter was in tears when she called me. Your input, anyone?

While I sympathize with you, as a mother myself, I wonder if you are simply feeling the empty nest syndrome. This can't be the first time that someone has commented (tactlessly or not) on your daughter's situation.
I'm sure you've taught her to respond in a positive manner when comments are made.
Not everyone she meets in her new group will be perfect or say things without thinking.
I've got a slightly different walk, and yes I get tired of the comments. If someone, even now, brings it up, I smile and say, "It's just the way I was made", smile and walk away.