It really does only take one...

MOMOF1 · #1 09-22-2012, 11:43 AM

This is the story of my daughter’s recruitment one year ago.................. A story that almost didn’t happen.

My daughter, whom I will call Jess, is an outgoing, full of life, full of spirit and fight, who does not care what other’s think driven young lady who had never really thought of going Greek. She knew the college she would attend and was preparing for it with excitement. I encouraged her to look at the possibility of going through recruitment...ok, I strongly urged her. I knew she would love it, if only for the chance to have sisters and if she didn't get in one, she would still have the chance to make new friends.

So, on a whim, she signed up. She checked out the websites and facebook pages of the sororities at her college just to get an idea of what she was signing up for. She decided instantly which one’s she liked, which was all but one, just by the pictures she saw and the layout of the pages. I know, I know....wrong, wrong, wrong. She would now be going in without an open mind. This was her first mistake.

The time drew near and as we were packing everything I asked about what she would wear during recruitment. She said whatever she had in the closest would be fine, you see this shorts/ tshirt/ flip flop wearing southern girl had not a care about what was "in". Had never even heard of Lily Pulitzer and stated that if she was judged by the dress she had on, then it wasn't the place for her anyway...

Do you all get the idea, that this was Mom’s wish, not really hers. It wasn’t something she was against, she just didn’t really care one way or the other if she got in one or not. She is very focused and the only thing she had in mind, was getting there, getting her degree and then doing the job she loved.

DeltaBetaBaby · #2 09-22-2012, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOMOF1

This is the story of my daughter’s recruitment one year ago.................. A story that almost didn’t happen.

My daughter, whom I will call Jess, is an outgoing, full of life, full of spirit and fight, who does not care what other’s think driven young lady who had never really thought of going Greek. She knew the college she would attend and was preparing for it with excitement. I encouraged her to look at the possibility of going through recruitment...ok, I strongly urged her. I knew she would love it, if only for the chance to have sisters and if she didn't get in one, she would still have the chance to make new friends.

So, on a whim, she signed up. She checked out the websites and facebook pages of the sororities at her college just to get an idea of what she was signing up for. She decided instantly which one’s she liked, which was all but one, just by the pictures she saw and the layout of the pages. I know, I know....wrong, wrong, wrong. She would now be going in without an open mind. This was her first mistake.

The time drew near and as we were packing everything I asked about what she would wear during recruitment. She said whatever she had in the closest would be fine, you see this shorts/ tshirt/ flip flop wearing southern girl had not a care about what was "in". Had never even heard of Lily Pulitzer and stated that if she was judged by the dress she had on, then it wasn't the place for her anyway...

Do you all get the idea, that this was Mom’s wish, not really hers. It wasn’t something she was against, she just didn’t really care one way or the other if she got in one or not. She is very focused and the only thing she had in mind, was getting there, getting her degree and then doing the job she loved.

Oh, this sounds a lot like me...I am looking forward to this story!

MOMOF1 · #3 09-22-2012, 12:08 PM

And so it begins.......
After the first round, she knew which one she loved, the other’s she liked and the last one, she just couldn’t see herself there at all. So, she ranked them. The next day she had lost one of the one’s she liked, but still had the one she loved, a few of the one’s she liked and the one she didn’t like at all. She asked me why they had invited her back. I said well, they must have liked you, even if you didn’t like them.

And on it goes, until pref. Where it came down to two parties for her. The one she had loved since the beginning and the one she had disliked since the beginning.

Each time I would talk with her, I would say, just smile, be yourself and have a good time. No matter where you end up, that is where you are supposed to be. We use the saying around our house quite a bit, "Bloom where God plants you". I reminded her of this and she said, I know Mom. But, I could tell that she couldn’t see anything else around her except the one sorority that she had given her heart too so completely. My "I don’t care" daughter had fallen head over heels in love with one sorority and the other didn’t stand a chance.

Gusteau · #4 09-22-2012, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOMOF1

Each time I would talk with her, I would say, just smile, be yourself and have a good time. No matter where you end up, that is where you are supposed to be. We use the saying around our house quite a bit, "Bloom where God plants you". I reminded her of this and she said, I know Mom. But, I could tell that she couldn’t see anything else around her except the one sorority that she had given her heart too so completely. My "I don’t care" daughter had fallen head over heels in love with one sorority and the other didn’t stand a chance.

I love this saying!

MOMOF1 · #5 09-22-2012, 12:40 PM

She attended both preference parties and her heart still belonged to only one. She just knew this was where she was supposed to be without a doubt. So, here is mistake number two for her....

She suicided. She only wrote down the one and only sorority.

I asked her, if she thought this was the best decision and she said yes, she could only see herself with them. I wished her luck and told her that her Dad, brother and I would be driving down to see her on bid day. She would get a call on bid day if she had been released. So, we start on our way and each time my phone would ring, I just knew it would be "the dreaded call" from her. We made it to her town and decided to eat since it would be a little time before we could see her. As we were eating and the time was drawing closer to when the "phone call time" would be over. I breathed a sigh of relief and was enjoying my food. We were just about to head out, when she called and told me she had been released from recruitment. She wasn’t crying, but she was upset. She just couldn’t believe that she had been so wrong about her feelings for them and their feelings for her. I asked what she wanted to do and she said, just come get me out of here.

So, after we picked her up and start heading out of town, she said she didn’t want to talk about it, she just wanted to get some ice cream. I could tell she was upset and disappointed. I felt terrible as well, since I had talked her into going through recruitment and seeing her upset.

As we were driving down the road, her phone rang. I heard her talking and told the person that yes, she could come and hang out. She told her Dad to turn the car around that she was going to hang out with the sorority that she had always ranked last. The one she couldn’t see herself in. I told her as we were driving back, that they must really see something in her and to give them a chance.

When we arrived they were all still out celebrating in the place where the pledges run too. All of the sororities were still out there. She went over to the one sorority that had called her and they hugged her and told her they couldn’t believe that she didn’t come running out with the other’s. And they would like to offer her a bid. She had tears streaming down her face as she said yes.

The yes, was not out of love for them, it was a yes of chance. Yes, I will give it my best to get to know all of you. Yes, I will be open minded and open hearted to see if we belong together. Yes, I would like to give you the chance that I didn’t give you during recruitment.

Wishful · #6 09-22-2012, 12:58 PM

I thought if you suicided you weren't eligible for snap bids...?

AZ-AlphaXi · #7 09-22-2012, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wishful

I thought if you suicided you weren't eligible for snap bids...?

If you SIP (single intentional preference) you aren't eligible to be a quota addition. You are, however, still eligible for a snap bid or to participate in COB.

MOMOF1 · #8 09-22-2012, 01:07 PM

So, what has happened since that life changing night?

Well, it wasn’t wonderful in the beginning. For the first couple of weeks, she still had doubts, but she attended every event, went to lunch and dinners with them and tried her very best to be open minded. I directed her here, and had her search all the stories about the girls who wanted to drop out or quit.

Almost as if a light had been switched on, so did her love for this sorority. Gone were the discussions about quitting and it in its place were talks about all the fun times she was having with her pledge class and her sisters.

She was elected as the Pledge Class President. And as a new member she was elected Secretary. She was also selected as Most Outstanding Freshman. And she has just finished recruitment on the other side this year and they had the largest pledge class on campus.

She has sisters she loves, she fights with, she rescues, that rescues her, that cry on her shoulder, that she runs to when she is upset, that she celebrates with, that keep her in line, that she mothers, that she lives with, that she could never see being without for the rest of her life.

As far as the other sorority that she thought had her heart, she sees now that she would not have been happy there. That she is right where is supposed to be and yes, this proud and happy Momma is thankful that she is blooming right where God planted her.

etadrisophila · #9 09-22-2012, 01:13 PM

*Love* this story- belated (and ongoing) congratulations to you and your daughter and her sorority!

AOII Angel · #10 09-22-2012, 01:18 PM

I know how proud you are that she was open minded enough to try something different when her heart was broken. It proved to be a great choice!

ASTalumna06 · #11 09-22-2012, 01:22 PM

So do we get to know which sorority she ended up in?

MOMOF1 · #12 09-22-2012, 02:05 PM

I just want any PNM's reading this to think that SIP (single intentional preference) is a good idea. It isn't and Jess shouldn't have done it. She missed the chance to run out with everyone and she will never be able to have that moment again. She should have put down both and given the second one a chance from the beginning. She knows this now and advises anyone going through to not do this. She got lucky, but that doesn't happen often.

Thank you etadrisophila and AOII Angel. I thought her story should be shared of what happens when you give someone a chance. It might just turn into a love story!

ASTalumna06, don't know if I should share her sorority with all the info given? I just don't want her school to be brought up as she could be easily identified with all that I have shared and someone to stalk her! LOL!! I know how smart you all are at figuring out schools!

No, really, if everyone thinks it is ok to share, then I will. I know she is proud of her sorority and wouldn't hesitate for a minute to share!!!

KSUViolet06 · #13 09-22-2012, 02:46 PM

Honestly, I don't necessarily think it's a bad idea. It IS a bad idea if you really WANT to be in a sorority. However, if you would rather not be in a sorority than not be an ABC, and you understand that that's part of the risk you're taking, then go for it.

Your daughter did get very lucky though. Many PNMs who take that risk don't get that second chance.

The "yes to a chance" part really stands out to me, though. You may not love love love the chapter that's offering you a bid, but it really is worth a shot, especially if you're dealing with a situation where your first recruitment is likely your only chance.

AZTheta · #14 09-22-2012, 02:52 PM

Thank you for sharing this and making some very good points.

And I am in the camp of "don't tell us her chapter or school". It's her story, and you made your point without identifying any of the chapters. That way we can all think it was our sorority that she ended up in!

MOMOF1 · #15 09-22-2012, 04:09 PM

KSUViolet06- I thought after I posted that, that I really don't know enough to give advice on any of it!

I just know in this situation she shouldn't have. It could have turned out much differently.
AzTheta- I am thinking I am going to keep it to myself as well. If I can ever get her to join here then she can decide. She gave me permission to post this, but whatever she wants to add she can. But if it involves writing anything longer than a text or a tweet, she most likely won't be up for it and yet she is Secretary, go figure.