Snow White’s Totally Fake Retro Rush

[CharlieDean]

Snow White was a shy girl in high school and had never really thought much about joining a sorority in college. Locker talk at high school was that sororities were like drill teams, except for the dancing. Snow White didn’t really know what that meant, so she was afraid she would have to wear fringed costumes and white boots if she pledged. Snow White was very fair skinned, and knew that she could never pull off white boots without some degree of laughter from the male population.

It wasn’t until she met the girl across the hall from her, Anna, that she decided to go through rush. She and Anna went to a small school that had a lot of foreign exchange students, and that usually meant that their roommates did not speak much English. Snow White's own roommate had just stared at her in silence when asked where she was at with English. Snow White was okay with that, because she had met a few the fabulously trendy cartoon squirrels that lived in the woods behind the Cafeteria, and was content to sit with them while listening to music. She wondered why they had never hit on her, as they seemed to prefer the romantic company of each other instead of her. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But after she met Anna, she knew that she would be much happier if she communicated with other cartoon humans instead. Besides, she was starting to get strange looks from the Ken Dolls in the fraternity house nearby. They were cute guys, but seemed to be a bit plastic, and Snow White wondered if they really had anything going downstairs, if you know what I mean.

Snow White was a little nervous about rush, because she had not prepared for it at all. She noticed a few of the other girls in her dorm, Ariel and Belle, came with glossy headshots and loads of typed recommendations. Other girls, such as Cinderella and Rapunzel, were too gorgeous to even walk among mere mortals. Cinderella was so well dressed and beautiful that Snow White wondered if she had her own ambiguously fabulous cartoon animals that had personally dressed her that morning.

At Snow White’s school, there were seven sororities:

Bashful
Grumpy
Sleepy
Sneezy
Doc
Happy
Dopey

Castle talk was that Cinderella was a legacy, and would have no problems getting into a top-tier sorority, Sleepy. Anna was also a legacy; as her sister, Elsa, was an alumna at another top sorority, Sneezy. Anna was nervous, because she did not feel that she could compete with the beauties that were Sneezy sisters. Snow White was confident that she would be happy with whatever the outcome was. She knew that she would meet some great girls in the meantime, and have fun no matter what. But, there was something on her mind….that thing.

[navane]

Originally Posted by CharlieDean

She knew that she would meet some great girls in the meantime, and have fun no matter what. But, there was something on her mind….that thing.

Hahahaha!!

[CharlieDean]

The first morning of Rush dawned bright and clear. Girls were dressed in everything from jeans and t-shirts, to hot pink ball gowns. Snow White had decided to play it safe, and wore a nice pair of yellow capri pants and a nice blue t-shirt with her university logo on it. She wore her comfy red sandals, as it was Texas and 147 degrees out. The group met in the Student Union Building and were quickly divided into groups. The university did not have sorority houses, so the rushees were herded into different rooms to chat with the different sorority members.

Snow White’s first group was Happy. She was quickly paired with a bubbly blonde fashion merchandising major who spoke highly of the sorority’s mixers with their brother fraternity. Her perkiness was addicting, and Snow White felt herself begin to relax and enjoy herself. She wasn’t sure if she had the qualifications to judge a ‘tighty whitey’ contest, but felt confident that she would enjoy the process if the opportunity presented itself. Besides, the fashion merchandising major was headed to law school soon, so obviously it wasn't too hard. Snow White decided that she liked the sorority, and knew that she could rock their signature colors, pink and pink.

The next group was Sneezy. Snow White was a bit cautious about Sneezy, as she had met Anna’s sister, Elsa, and felt like she was a bit icy. She hoped that the other sisters were warmer, and she was eager to meet them. She was paired with a gorgeous girl right off the bat, and the two of them soon became locked in conversation. Snow White really felt a connection with this girl, and knew that she would feel at home here.

The third group was Doc. Snow White had to look around at first, because it seemed that she had wandered away from her rush group, and into a random classroom full of pre-meds. Snow White stood alone for a minute, before a quiet girl wearing scrubs offered her a cupcake with the sorority’s letters on it. Snow White loves cupcakes, and happily licked all of the frosting off before she realized that she had been abandoned. Snow White then took two more cupcakes off of the nearby table and stuffed them into her Wonderbra to eat later.

The fourth group was Dopey. Right off the bat, Snow White was paired with a pair of twin girls. She wondered why she was the only rushee with twins, but she decided to roll with it. It soon became apparent that the twins never left each other’s side. They were wearing cheerleading uniforms, but with greek letters instead of the school name. Snow White was silent during this conversation, mostly because the twins would only talk about themselves. She glanced around the room to see what the other girls seemed to be like. She saw another girl wearing an Eagles shirt, but wasn’t sure if it was a football team or a musical group. She just wasn’t sure about this particular Eagles, baby.

Leaving the room, Snow White didn’t know how she felt about this sorority, as it seemed to be filled with trolls.

[CharlieDean]

The fifth group was Sleepy. The girls were all beautiful, and Snow White was a bit intimidated just looking at them. She was soon paired with a girl wearing a silk slip dress and and maribou slippers. The girl yawned prettily, and asked Snow White the usual questions about her hobbies and interests, and where she went to high school. When Snow White revealed her home town, the sleepy sister squealed for her friend to come over and meet Snow White. It turns out that the new girl was a former member of her high school’s drill team. Snow White panicked a bit and wondered if this is when she would get measured for her own fringy vest and boots. Taking a deep breath, Snow White remembered to relax and enjoy herself. She would worry about possible initiation on a football field while wearing a sparkly outfit later. After all, she did remember that there was no dancing.

The sixth group was Grumpy. Once again, Snow White felt like she had wandered into the wrong room. Instead of being rushed, the rushees all stood around watching two women fighting over a King Cone. Snow White watched and wished she could have a bit of the ice cream cone. She hadn’t eaten anything but the cupcake at Doc’s, and was starving. Although this particular group of girls was entertaining, Snow White felt that she didn’t really belong here. She definitely knew that their color, orange, was not a good choice for her…even if it was the new black.

Finally, Snow White and her team arrived at the final group, Bashful. Snow White was tired, and relieved that the day was almost over. She was immediately snatched up by a sweet girl and taken to a nearby table full of refreshments. Snow White gratefully gulped down a light green punch made from lime sherbet and ginger ale, and listened to the girl talk about her sorority. This chapter was the smallest one on campus, and seemed to be struggling a bit. Most of the active sisters were quiet, and on the reserved side. They were all very friendly, but were known on campus as the studious chapter. They rarely mixed with the two fraternities, and preferred to spend their social times at the local pizza place. Still, Snow White could see herself there and felt like she could add a bit of spice to their sisterhood.

At the end of the day, the rushees were all instructed to rank the houses in order.

Snow White chose:
1. Sleepy
2. Sneezy
3. Happy
4. Bashful
5. Dopey
6. Grumpy
7. Doc

She felt confident about her choices, but was still worried about…the thing. She decided to let nature take its course, and see what sororities would invite her to the next parties.

[carnation]

What's a King Cone?

[CharlieDean]

On Day 2, the rushees were given their schedules for the day. They could be attending a maximum of five parties. Snow White was happy to have received a full schedule! She was a little upset at being cut by Happy, but she knew that she could never really feel comfortable there.

Snow White began her day with Dopey. Although she wasn’t sure if she connected with these girls, she was entertained by them. The Dopeys showed a video of their philanthropy, which seemed to consist of giving bikini carwashes while dressed as pageant contestants. Snow White recognized the twin sisters across the room, and wondered why they were still dressed as cheerleaders. The tiny blonde girls spent their time practicing partner stunts while the other girls were getting to know the rushees. Snow White couldn’t put her finger on it, but something about the twins seemed fake. She had the sneaking suspicion that she knew these girls from somewhere, but couldn’t put her finger on it.

The second chapter Snow White visited was Sneezy. Once again, Snow White felt right at home. She was able to meet a few more girls, and each of them seemed genuine and friendly. She knew that this was one of the top sororities at this school, and that they frequently mixed with another top fraternity. Many of these girls were the frats ‘little sisters’, which is something that Snow White felt like she would enjoy being. If it weren’t for the thing, that is.

Next, she visited with the sisters of Bashful. While she still noticed a slight struggle for the small chapter to accommodate all of the rushees, she was pleased to see that the active sisters were doing a great job at making everyone feel welcome. She left feeling like choosing just one chapter would prove to be very difficult.

Her fourth visit of the day was at Grumpy. Although she was positive that she would not be choosing this sorority, she was a bit curious as to why they may have picked her. She was approached by an older active, and offered an apple. Snow White hesitated before she took it. She didn’t want to appear rude, but she was deathly allergic to apples. There was this one time, at band camp, when she had an allergic reaction to an apple and had to be rescued by the handsome assistant camp counselor. It all ended happily, but that’s a story for later. She took the apple as a sign that Grumpy was just not right for her.

Lastly, she was up for visiting Sleepy. The girls here were as beautiful as ever, and she noticed that Cinderella seemed to be very comfortable. Castle talk about Sleepy was all about the partying that Sleepy girls did. They were arguably the most sought-after sorority on campus and were known for having the pretty girls who liked to have fun and stay out all night. Snow White also liked to have fun and stay out all night, and frequently sat in front of her mirror wondering if she was pretty. She wondered if membership in Sleepy would grant her opportunities to date lots of new guys for a change. She was definitely getting tired of that thing that held her back.

After another exhausting day, the rushees were asked to rank their preferences for the final party day. They could choose 3 houses that they would feel happy joining, and the sororities would also be compiling their list of favorites. If everything went as planned, Snow White would be in the house of her dreams!

Snow White’s choices:
1. Sneezy
2. Sleepy
3. Dopey

Snow White felt a little uneasy at deciding against Bashful. Although she liked the girls, she just didn’t want to join a group that was so obviously struggling with membership. She was looking forward to the next day’s Pref parties. She had the perfect dress in mind, and was eager to pull out all the stops. Her dorm mate, Anna, had decided to ‘suicide’ and only chose to pref Sneezy. It was risky, but Snow White knew that Anna would be happy there. Snow White felt the most comfortable with Sneezy, but also liked the girls she had met at Sleepy. She hadn’t made any deep connections with Dopey, but wanted to give it one final shot. There was just something she needed to figure out, and it was driving her crazy!

[CharlieDean]

A King Cone is just an ice cream cone, used here for entertainment purposes!

[CharlieDean]

Snow White tossed and turned the whole night before Pref Day. She knew who she was hoping for, but did they feel the same way about her? What if they found out her big secret? She hoped that she would be able to attend all three Pref parties, and maybe get some answers before making her big decision. Not just the sorority decision but THE THING! What would everyone say if they knew? Would they still like her? Would her big secret determine what, if any, sorority she would get a bid from?

The next morning, Snow White was happy to be invited back to her three choices. Today was Pref day, and the attire was to be ‘dressy dress’. Snow White had carefully pressed her favorite dress the night before, and couldn’t wait to put it on. Her dress had a deep-blue silk top with a tight-fighting bodice and a deep scoop neckline. The dropped waistline attached to a bright yellow skirt that reached the floor and rustled as she walked. Delicate inlays of red silk embellished the sleeves of the dress. She brushed out her silky black hair, and fastened a red ribbon in it. She chose to wear her lucky red flats, in the hopes she would be more comfortable. Thankfully, the dress was long enough that she could get away with it.

Her first party that day was at Sleepy. The girls were relaxed, smiling, and seemed excited to see all of the rushees. Several of the sleepy sisters told sweet stories about their time in the sorority, and many girls cried. It was very touching, and Snow White was happy to be a part of it.

The second party was with Sneezy. Still feeling warm and happy after leaving Sleepy, Snow White was content to sit back and listen to the active Sneezy sisters share different memories with the rushees. There seemed to be a genuine bond of love that these sisters had, and Snow White knew in an instant that she wanted to be a part of it. It wasn’t that Sneezy was better than Sleepy, but more that Snow White felt like she was at home when she was around the Sneezy sisters. Snow White felt a tickle in her eye, and began to shed a few tears of happiness. She knew in her heart that these girls would love her no matter what.

Her last party of the day was with Dopey. She had only gotten two steps into the room when she saw them. The blonde cheerleading twins! They were both wearing identical hot pink sequined dresses, and were holding hands like some creepy twins in a Stephen King movie. Snow White was transfixed by the sight of them. She was standing with a Dopey active, but did not listen to a word the poor woman was saying. All that Snow White could think about were those weird twins. Why wasn’t anyone else talking to them? What was it about these twins? Were they even real? Was she imagining them? Snow White still felt like she knew them from somewhere.

Snow White was momentarily distracted by the table of cupcakes nearby, but remembered to stay focused this time. As she turned her back to the refreshment table, she saw a flash of pink sequins go by.

All of the sudden, it hit her. She knew these girls. It was the row pink sequins running up the back of the pantyhose that did it. Who wears those? But more importantly, who had worn those exact hose to a dance at Camp Crystal Creek Falls three summers ago?!

Snow White knew she was about to be sick. The secret….the thing…. was about to rear its ugly head.

[carnation]

Rear on!

[Sister Havana]

YES YES YES! I was waiting for the pink sequined hose to make an appearance!

[AZTheta]

Mixed thoughts/emotions. Kind of want her to end up in Dopey so we can finally get to the bottom of the THING with those silly twins. Then again, horrified to think that she'd end up there. And can't get the image of the cupcakes in the Wonder Bra (do they still make those? The bra, not the cupcakes) out of my head.

gah!

[MaryPoppins]

On tenterhooks!

[CharlieDean]

It’s bad enough that Prince Charming cheated on me with those twin hussies three years ago, but to be forced to see them during rush of all places? I’ll never forget the night when I saw Mr. Charming on that picnic table with those pink sequined legs in the air. I’m not even sure what that Kama Sutra position was called, and was it supposed to have three people involved? Uggghh, now I find out that those tramps go to this school too. I can’t win. It’s not that I was seriously considering joining Dopey, but I wanted to feel like I had a choice in the matter. I knew that I could never call the sequined twins any kind of sisters of mine.

Oddly enough, nobody seemed to know who I was talking about when I asked who the twins were. Maybe I was dreaming? Surely they exist, right? None of my fellow rushees had met the two cheerleaders. I began to wonder if I had rush-induced hallucinations. Maybe I was just suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder from the breakup with Prince Charming. I was worried that my new sisters would find out my secret. I mean, I was a cartoon person…maybe they would see right through me and know…I was crazy in the head.

I never really got over what PC did to me at camp. It was hard to even stay with him after that, even though I knew that lots of women would be happy if he even glanced their direction. I had hoped that breaking up with PC before school started would finally free me of the burden of those camp memories. I was thrilled with the possibility that I could attend college and NOT be known as Prince Charming’s girlfriend. Nobody in my high school had ever known that my boyfriend was THE Prince Charming, of movie star fame. It was easy at first, but then PC began starring in movies such as ‘Magic Matt’ and ’50 Shades of Pink’. His publicist was against the idea of PC being publicly linked to a relative unknown, so I was content to just sit at home alone. But then, the magazine articles started appearing. Photos of PC with numerous starlets would appear each week, along with a racy story and gruesome details of his many flings. A phone call here and there, and PC would attempt to show me that it was really me that he loved. I almost believed him.

I had almost forgiven Prince Charming and his various indiscretions. PC had sworn his undying love and devotion to me and promised that the twin thing had only happened once while at camp. I almost believed him. Until I found the thing. The s*x tape. I recognized PC’s handwriting on the VHS label. My heart sank when I realized what the title was, “One Night in Pink Sequins.” I resigned myself to watch it. I mean, I had make sure it was the twins from H-E-double L. Sure enough, a tape full of disgustingness. I knew then that my dear ex-boyfriend had been lying to me this whole time. The proof was in the video. Fortunately, I didn’t have to watch too for very long, as my dear ex-boyfriend wasn’t known for his…uh…longevity. I had almost turned the tape off when I realized what was on the last scene….

My ex-boyfriend wearing pantyhose with pink sequins up the back.

[CharlieDean]

Snow White did end up getting the bid of her dreams. Upon finding the s*x tape, she also found the courage to dump Prince Charming once and for all. It didn't help that she also caught him with Cinderella late one night.

Snow White did what any normal, red-blooded scorned woman would do. She sold the tape to TMXi. It quickly became one of the best-selling videos of all time, thanks to a new-fangled invention called the interwebs.

The sequin twins were never seen at that school again. Snow White knew that they would never be able to enjoy a normal college experience due to their involvement with the thing. The notoriety and consequent pink sequined letter of shame would follow them into any sorority recruitment they attempted, and they would surely suffer from rejectment.

Snow White happily received her bid from Sneezy, which was









Phi Mu!





It had been a tough decision between Sneezy and Sleepy. Ultimately, Snow White realized where her heart was. She would always remember the girls of Sleepy, and she hoped that their popularity would soon allow them more chances to rest. But Sneezy was the place she felt home.

Bashful managed to pull off a very successful rush, due to an enterprising group of girls who decided to take a big chance and follow their hearts.

The Dopey girls were never heard from again. Snow White wondered if she had dreamt the whole thing up. In fact, several of the sororities she had visited seemed to be figments of her imagination! Maybe she was crazy after all. She did know that she was devoted to her new sorority sisters, and she lived happily ever after.

Oh, and Prince Charming? Three weeks into filming Fairy Tale Survivor, he was bit by a poisonous snake and immediately turned back into a frog.

[thetalady]

Oh I am so happy... happy to FINALLY have some sense of closure about THE THING.

Wonderfully written tale, CharlieDean!!