bid day gone wrong..so sorry this is long but heres my story

[lillyluv93]

..

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by lillyluv93

hey y'all! so I need a little bit of advice. I rushed at my school in the fall as a transfer. Every thing was going perfect up until bid day. I lasted till pref night at my top 2 choices and my 3rd house was obviously the house I did NOT want to get in. I wont say I got bid promised but lets just say I had no reason what so ever to believe they weren't going to put me at the top of their list.

>>Why? Were you at the membership selection meeting? There is no way you can be sure of anything that happens behind close doors during recruitment.

Bid day came and well....I got matched with my 3rd choice. I automatically knew something was wrong because literally my top 2 houses did and said everything to me for me to believe they wanted me real bad!

>>Of course they did. Just because you matched your 3rd choice first doesn't mean that they didn't want you "real bad". It might mean that #3 wanted you the most.

2 weeks after bid day I found out that my FIRST choice had me on THEIR first choice..

>>A. How would you know that? B. It doesn't matter that you were on their "first list" if #3 had you higher on that list.

yet I still somehow got matched with my last house? It was a "I thought you dropped us, no I thought you dropped me!" kinda thing. So obviously I was beyond upset that somehow I got screwed over SO bad.

>>No, you didn't get "screwed over".

how could this of had even happened?

>>My guess is that #3 placed you higher on their bid list.

And I also believe my 2nd choice had me on their first list as well considering it appeared as though they wanted me even more than my other houses.

>>Again, how would you *know* this?

so my question is..although Im not too sure if I want to go through the whole process again, if I do I'm scared the 2 houses that I actually wanted to get into (that I lasted till pref when I rushed) will think I dropped them the day before bid day when I rushed and automatically drop me. One of them actually knows I got screwed over but I want the other house to know as well. Any advice?! thanks and sorry for a long post!

So you're running around campus crying about how you were "screwed over"? I think you pretty much blew any future chances during recruitment. How disrespectful and tactless.

[als463]

OP take that entitlement attitude elsewhere.

[BlueOwl]

Sorry to tell you, but Bid Day went technically perfectly. Now please remember that if you were invited to pref round, then all three of those houses would have gladly welcomed you as a member. But they pref way more girls than they can offer bids to. Each house formulates a ranked list. Some girls automatically get a top spot--legacies, sister is in the house, daughter of high ranking alumni, those couple of girls that every chapter wants, etc.. Beyond that, the names get placed. I know that in my daughter's chapter there is a A list and a B list. Some of the favorite girls end up on the B list because the A list fills up quickly. Its not that the A list are the only names they want! No, lots of favorites are on the B list! Long story short, you may have been ranked higher up on the chapter that offered you a bid. It doesn't mean that your fave house didn't want you. They did, and Im sure many members were crushed when they didn't hear your name read aloud when the bid list was revealed. It happens all the time. Please be happy and grateful for the bid that you received. By the way, the general membership usually has NO IDEA how specific people are ranked or who dropped who!! What that active member told you was very inappropriate.

Good luck! Hey, you got into a sorority ! Be happy! Read the 'It gets Better" link!!

[irishpipes]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

>It doesn't matter that you were on their "first list" if #3 had you higher on that list.
>My guess is #3 placed you higher on their bid list.
>It might mean that #3 wanted you the most.

This is incorrect. It would make no difference where she ranked on #3's list IF she ranked #1 first and #1 had her ANYWHERE on their first list. She would be a #1 if she were anywhere on their first list and she had ranked them highest.

Of course, that doesn't change that the OP is completely incorrect that she "got screwed." Some #1 members either lied to save her feelings/their own discomfort or they didn't have accurate information.

[lillyluv93]

My friends are in the PLEDGE class for that sorority. I have 5 friends that all pledged for that sorority and to this day each one of them tells me how they really wanted me and how girls they just met (who are already in that sorority) know who I am and always ask what happened to her? or oh "she dropped us" so actually, no, they're not saying it to "cheer me up"

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by lillyluv93

My friends are in the PLEDGE class for that sorority. I have 5 friends that all pledged for that sorority and to this day each one of them tells me how they really wanted me and how girls they just met (who are already in that sorority) know who I am and always ask what happened to her? or oh "she dropped us" so actually, no, they're not saying it to "cheer me up"

So what exactly is it that you want strangers on the Internet to help you with?

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by lillyluv93

My friends are in the PLEDGE class for that sorority. I have 5 friends that all pledged for that sorority and to this day each one of them tells me how they really wanted me and how girls they just met (who are already in that sorority) know who I am and always ask what happened to her? or oh "she dropped us" so actually, no, they're not saying it to "cheer me up"

Sorry. This doesn't change things.

Your friends are New Members. They know zip about Membership Selection. Do you really think your friends are going to tell you anything different?

[IrishLake]

Originally Posted by lillyluv93

My friends are in the PLEDGE class for that sorority. I have 5 friends that all pledged for that sorority and to this day each one of them tells me how they really wanted me and how girls they just met (who are already in that sorority) know who I am and always ask what happened to her? or oh "she dropped us" so actually, no, they're not saying it to "cheer me up"

For the love of pete, my 8 year old sounds more mature when she pitches a fit about something.

lillyluv, you sound like an entitled child. Your friends who are in the most recent pledge class from this past fall know diddly squat about what was discussed during recruitment.

#1 and #2 might have really liked you. They just liked a lot of other girls MORE. And all those girls liked them MORE than their other options too. That's why you didn't get a bid. And very few members REALLY know what was discussed and why you were so low on their lists. If you were dead set against #3, you shouldn't have put them on your pref card at all.

By all means, go through it again in the fall. Get your grades and recs in order. But don't expect a better outcome. You'll be at a huge disadvantage, so if you really want a chance at sisterhood, be willing and happy to accept a bid anywhere. If you're not, then don't sign a pref card.

[andthen]

Oh my gosh. 1. The OP is clearly not accepting the facts and moving on 2. I'm going to get some popcorn. Can't wait to see how it turns out during next recruitment for the OP.

Btw I'm glad someone QFP'd

[LAblondeGPhi]

Originally Posted by IrishLake

#1 and #2 might have really liked you. They just liked a lot of other girls MORE. And all those girls liked them MORE than their other options too. That's why you didn't get a bid. And very few members REALLY know what was discussed and why you were so low on their lists. If you were dead set against #3, you shouldn't have put them on your pref card at all.

YES!!

OP - the first thing you need to know about the recruitment process is that it is complicated and that 99% of ACTIVE members do not understand the inner workings of the RFM process.

Plus, with highly selective chapters, they will probably have whole pref parties full of women whom they ADORE. I don't doubt that actives in your dream chapter really did love you and lobby for you and assumed that you chose to go elsewhere when they didn't see you in their pledge class.

While the membership selection process is private and secret to each individual chapter, I feel confident in saying (from years of seeing the same things being said by actives of all chapters) that most active members never know the detailed order of bid lists of their own chapters - they simply DO NOT KNOW where you were on the bid lists. They only know that they really loved you and wanted you.

Last thing, which I've said in other forums before. The difference between carried to the next round and released, or pledged and not pledged, can be razor thin between PNMs. There is an arbitrary cut-off that is assigned by Panhellenic (not by the chapter), and that often means that there is no statistical difference between how much a chapter liked the last woman invited and the first woman released.

I'm sorry you're so upset by the whole process, but you need to put your big girl underwear on now and learn to deal with disappointment in a mature way. This is life, girl.

Originally Posted by Sciencewoman

Maybe someone behind the scenes "accidentally" erased her from the Bid List. Of course, that never really happens, but maybe she should have her friends ask what went on during MS, just to be sure.

I try not to be mean, but sometimes....

If that were the case, it's highly unlikely that the average active would have any idea about it.

**IF*** anything happened, it most likely would have been a computer input error, and only an advisor or Panhellenic would be able to go back and double-check.

That being said, I'd bet money that this wasn't the case.

[IndianaSigKap]

With RFM, if you ranked ABC first and you were on their first list, then you would have been an ABC. Point blank that's how it works. There was no screw up. I believe that your friends are being your friends and telling you what you want to hear. But it just isn't true. In a large, chapter they are just two votes, If you attended pref at ABC, then yes, they wanted you. However you may have been on the second or third list. Therefore once ABC fills its first list, you will be matched with your second choice unless their first list is filled. Then you will be matched with your third choice. That's how it works. I am sorry you are disappointed, but you need to pull it together and move on in a direction that will make you happy.

[AZTheta]

No. You did NOT get screwed over. Sorry. That's the fact, Jack.

If your campus is using RFM, there is NO WAY that you would have ended up with your "third choice" if your first OR second choice had you high enough on their bid list.

Reality check: you were not high enough on either of the first two sororities' bid lists to be extended a bid by either one. They were full before they came to your name on their list. Sorry Charlie. You can believe whatever you want to, but you were NOT present at membership selection or when the bid lists were filled out and turned in.

I do not think there is a conspiracy against you, so don't even go there.

ETA: IndianaSigKap - jinx! buy me a coke!

[Maman]

Does your school offer COB during spring?

[carnation]

Hey, don't say "pledge FOR a sorority", just "pledge a sorority".