Elections Aftermath Frustrating Me

[DarthWindu]

Recently, our Fraternity had elections for some of our higher ranking chairs. I ran for the position of our New Member Educator, and it was a position that I felt like with all my heart that I should belong in. It came time of the election, and there was only one guy I was up against. I was fully prepared with a list of my qualifications and what I would bring to the position, while my opponent was not.

When it came time to the discussion on the candidates (they sent us out of the room, but I learned what was discussed latter), I had massively positive critiques while my opponent had negatives. I had better time management, better availability to plan and lead the education process, better grades, better knowledge and understanding of the history of the Fraternity, better character towards the pledges, and an overall better platform to work off of. My opponent was the opposite of this by what was said in the discussion.

Yet, I lost.

In the past, when I see that my opponent was more qualified for the position, I have given them my full support. I give them all my notes, all my ideas, and I continue to act as if I was in the position, giving the Fraternity the full support it needed. However, this time around, it wasn't the case. I was more qualified than the other person, by what the Fraternity discussed, and the only reason that would explain why I lost is because the other guy is more popular in the Fraternity and Greek Life than I am. He's the sweetheart for a Sorority, and people drool at his name. It doesn't matter that he's screwed most of the positions he's been in, or that his grades aren't good, he's tight on availability, he doesn't know the history or meanings behind the Fraternity, and many other things alongside the necessary qualifications to be a good New Member Educator. To add onto what was stated in the opening of the paragraph, contributing to the position will not work. I have given my notes and support to this guy before, and he has chosen to disregard everything about it for one reason or another. In addition, he also tried to tear me up during the questions portion of my speech, so it's pretty clear what he thinks of me.

It makes me sick right now feeling like the reason I lost was because I was not popular enough. Right now, I just feel like all the hard work I put into the Fraternity was thrown into the trash for consideration of who could make them laugh more. I do own a house that the Fraternity frequently uses, especially for their education events, and the thought has been rolling around in my head of closing it off to them. I honestly don't know where to go from here. Input?

[FSUZeta]

It is understandable that you are disappointed with and confused in regards to the election. Sometimes the best candidate doesn't win, and your suspicion that your opponent was elected, not on merit, but based on popularity is feasible.

As to whether or not you make your home available for fraternity functions, why don't you wait until after the beginning of winter semester to make that decision? Your feelings won't be so fresh and you will be able to see things more clearly.

[DarthWindu]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

As to whether or not you make your home available for fraternity functions, why don't you wait until after the beginning of winter semester to make that decision? Your feelings won't be so fresh and you will be able to see things more clearly.

That does sound like a good idea. I have an internship, plenty of studying, and good times with friends to get my mind off of the elections over the winter. Perhaps it would be good to revisit this when the Spring Semester boots up, because right now I just feel hurt and cheated by what happened.

[Sciencewoman]

I lost the same position, which I was slated for, to the sister who was the current New Member Educator (she decided at the last minute that she wanted to continue on in the position). I was elected from the floor to another exec. position, but I was really disappointed because I had always wanted to be NME. I'm friends with her on FB and 30 years later, I'm still a touch resentful, because I don't think she knew how much I wanted that position! I can understand that it hurts now, but you sound like just the kind of person your fraternity really needs, and I bet you'd be a great advisor some day. People don't always appreciate the hard workers who get things done. Since my disappointment, I've served in many volunteer positions, including NME advisor to a chapter, so I guess I finally got my wish. Hang in there! Elections can definitely bring out these feelings...you aren't alone!

[33girl]

Welcome to life. It sucks sometimes. Qualified on paper doesn't always mean you get what you want or deserve.

Maybe your personality is such that they thought pledges wouldn't be able to relate to you and would drop. Quite frankly, you come off a bit supercilious in your post.

And if you want every single brother to say "phew, we definitely made the right decision" - practice sour grapes and close off your house. If there's a better definition of "sore loser" I would be hard pressed to find it.

Things happen for a reason. You never know what is coming along and it might be something great you couldn't take advantage of if you'd been saddled with this position.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by 33girl

And if you want every single brother to say "phew, we definitely made the right decision" - practice sour grapes and close off your house. If there's a better definition of "sore loser" I would be hard pressed to find it.

Interestingly, there are a whole host of reasons you probably shouldn't host pledge activities at your house...but this is a bad one.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Interestingly, there are a whole host of reasons you probably shouldn't host pledge activities at your house...but this is a bad one.

I'm guessing he's at a school that doesn't have large (or official) fraternity houses or big pledge classes. We had meetings at my pledge mom's house a couple times. We weren't doing anything more than reading out of a pledge manual and taking quizzes, so I honestly fail to see the problem. It's a better and more private environment than a student center or classroom.

[AlphaFrog]

I've never been popular, and have experienced this same situation countless times. You can continue to let it frustrate you (which is ridiculously tempting) or you can move on and find a different way to contribute. Take on a Little, go out of your way to make the new members feel welcome, offer to help them study for their tests, etc. - without stepping on toes (which WILL make it worse).

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I'm guessing he's at a school that doesn't have large (or official) fraternity houses or big pledge classes. We had meetings at my pledge mom's house a couple times. We weren't doing anything more than reading out of a pledge manual and taking quizzes, so I honestly fail to see the problem. It's a better and more private environment than a student center or classroom.

You're right. I was thinking about housed chapters, and wondering just what they'd be doing off campus that they couldn't do in the house.

[Kevin]

I had a similar experience. I ended up dropping down and running for another office, where I killed it. There's no shame in losing an election. If there's a NME committee make sure you're on it and make sure you follow the lead of whoever has been elected. If this person drops the ball, QUIETLY pick up the pieces and make sure everything turns out okay. People will notice without you letting them know what happened.

[Psi U MC Vito]

Popularity is always going to play a role, even in the professional world sad to say. You need to ask yourself now though what is more important for you. Is it recognition, or is it that the fraternity succeeds?

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by Psi U MC Vito

Popularity is always going to play a role, even in the professional world sad to say. You need to ask yourself now though what is more important for you. Is it recognition, or is it that the fraternity succeeds?

This.

If you're expecting to graduate college and magically escape popularity contests/favoritism, you're going to be in for a rude awakening. Reputation, social standarding, and relationships are ALWAYS going to matter. The standards for what counts will change (some), but most of the time, there's still going to be someone getting recognition for someone else's work, simply because of who they are. You can accept it and move on, or you can struggle with it your whole life.

And trust me, I'm looking in the mirror as I say this.

[33girl]

If anything, it gets WORSE in the professional world.

What was your main reason to be pledgemaster? To make an impact on the young men coming up after you in the fraternity? You can do that (it sounds like you have already done that) without holding that office, or any office. I know it's hard to see ahead right now, but trust me, you reap the rewards of loving and giving to your GLO years down the road.

[33girl]

Wow, Terminus was an asshole.

[Terminus1909]

This post is a good reason fraternities shouldn’t have elections for officers. The idea that a brotherhood would engineer situations in which brothers would have occasion to annually engage in public critiques of the qualifications of brothers is ridiculous. But maybe that’s a topic for a different thread.

I do own a house that the Fraternity frequently uses

Could you elaborate on your age? I ask because I don’t know a lot of 18-22 year olds who own houses. Are you a non-traditional student? I would imagine a 25 or 26 year-old would have a hard time relating to an 18 year old.

the other guy is more popular in the Fraternity

That degrees of popularity exist at all is the sign of dysfunction in your fraternity. Now, I know that’s a little idealistic and in a large 100 man house a social order will end up developing regardless of anyone’s best intents. But, based on your description, it doesn’t sound like that’s the case with your chapter. My own house had 35-50 guys in it throughout my college career and the idea of a social hierarchy emerging is something to which I just can’t relate. Now there were guys I did not like all that much, and guys I did, but I never felt anyone was “more popular” or “less popular.”

I continue to act as if I was in the position

With all due respect, nothing would annoy me more than if I were elected to an office in my fraternity and my defeated opponent did this.

the thought has been rolling around in my head of closing it off to them

If that’s the point you’re at you should just consider separating from your fraternity, perhaps becoming a townee or just taking your badge and some photos for memories and wrapping up this chapter of your life. I’m not saying this judgmentally, but the reality is no one is going to appreciate you becoming the scolding parent. It sounds like your fraternity just didn’t work out for you. It happens.