On a rollercoaster

SquirrelyDays · #1 04-21-2022, 09:22 AM

Forewarning: I'm going to emote and sob here so I can Panhellenically support my Rosebud next year.

For years YEARS my only child has been telling me she plans to attend the in-state rival of my alma mater. Most of my extended family attended InState Rival U and I stayed nice and neutral and comforted myself that she could still possibly be my Sister if she ended up pledging Alpha Gam there. I honestly think she also wanted to push my buttons just a little bit by saying she was not interested in my alma mater. Whatever. I supported her dream. There was no point in getting excited yet. She has Tshirts and posters and a giant FLAG in her room all declaring her love for InState Rival U.

But now. NOW! as a junior in high school, she has decided she doesn't want to go to InState Rival U either. Her first choice is now her father's alma mater, because it is 2 hours closer to home (even though she says regularly she can't wait to leave home) and because their marching band does not require auditions. BUT THERE'S NO ALPHA GAM THERE.

I know it's a year away. And it's not my journey. And things could still change many times. But it's getting harder to keep my poker face.

Thank you for listening.

UVASquirrel · #2 04-21-2022, 05:16 PM

Well, she can always do what you did and initiate as an alum.

AnchorAlumna · #3 05-19-2022, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UVASquirrel

Well, she can always do what you did and initiate as an alum.

???
If the OP is an initiated Alpha Gam she can't initiate into a different sorority.

OP, I understand. My daughter went to my alma mater but my chapter was no longer there. She pledged and had a wonderful time with her new sisters.
It will be OK.

SquirrelyDays · #4 04-21-2022, 06:43 PM

Well I guess she COULD but maybe she will want to have the full sorority experience. I certainly want her to have a home-away-from-home. That might be the marching band, but who knows? At Dads Alma Mater the NPC participation is only 5%, while at InState Rival U it is 22%. Maybe sorority life won't matter as much at Dads Alma Mater. Maybe she'll decide she wants nothing to do with it either as an undergraduate or an alum... although I think that's unlikely, given how much of a "joiner" she is.

AGDee · #5 04-21-2022, 08:38 PM

I was sad when my daughter went to a school without Alpha Gam but it did make recruitment a lot less stressful for both of us, I think. The hurt of an Alpha Gam chapter not selecting your daughter or of your daughter not liking the Alpha Gam chapter is really tough. If they go somewhere without a chapter, that's not a potential stressor. My daughter ended up being a very happy Alpha Chi Omega. It's definitely harder to find lyres than squirrels though.

Sciencewoman · #6 04-21-2022, 11:05 PM

Same situation as AGDee...my daughter has had a great experience as a Pi Phi.

SquirrelyDays · #7 05-08-2022, 08:00 PM

Thanks for your kind words. I sat across from an Alpha Phi and her Phi Mu daughter at the Panhellenic luncheon yesterday. I know in my head it will all be ok.

Meanwhile I’m schooling my daughter on the fine art of curating your Instagram to be interview/recruitment ready.

SquirrelyDays · #8 05-20-2022, 07:03 AM

@AnchorAlumna - I'm an Alpha Gam in the same alumnae Chapter as @UVASquirrel. I'm a legacy, and I attended a different university than most of my family - one that does not have an Alpha Gam chapter. I felt a strong connection to the women in my mother's AGD alumnae chapter, and after graduation was initiated at convention. I was involved enough in other activities on campus that I still had a "home" while I was in school, so I was OK.

I know it's an age-old situation, and many of the active posters have a variety of GLOs in their families, so I know she'll be OK, too. I do still think I will grieve a little even knowing she's happy.

carnation · #9 05-20-2022, 08:21 AM

Seven of my daughters pledged but none of them went Pi Phi because they all attended schools without it. They're in 4 other groups and they enjoyed themselves. I was sad not to share sisterhood but maybe a granddaughter in 5 years will go Pi Phi? I don't know if I care anymore...the organization has gotten bizarre.

naraht · #10 05-20-2022, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carnation

Seven of my daughters pledged but none of them went Pi Phi because they all attended schools without it. They're in 4 other groups and they enjoyed themselves. I was sad not to share sisterhood but maybe a granddaughter in 5 years will go Pi Phi? I don't know if I care anymore...the organization has gotten bizarre.

I can definitely understand feelings of the "Organization has gotten bizarre", my father is a brother of Zeta Beta Tau and was *glad* that I didn't have the opportunity to join it at my school. (Carnegie Mellon expelled them in 1984, I got there in 1986) given the addition in 1989 of the Semi-Annual Brotherhood Review Vote (along with removal of pledging).

DaffyKD · #11 05-20-2022, 12:08 PM

Growing up, my daughter always told me she wanted to be a Kappa Delta. Her godmother is one of my pledge sisters. I was so excited when she attended a school that had a KD chapter so she could become my sister, but alas, she refused to go through recruitment. Today, my only grandchild is a 7 month old boy so no legacy on the horizon.

DaffyKD

SquirrelyDays · #12 07-07-2022, 02:36 PM

Ok we have just finished our last planned college visit and the preferences have been updated:

Tied in first place:
Dads Alma Mater (12 NPC, 10 with houses, 2 without)
InState Rival U (soooo many orgs, all housed, legacy)

Middle choices:
Moms Alma Mater (sooooo many orgs, all housed, probably won’t get in realistically)
Dark Horse State (out of nowhere! Wasn’t even considering it! 7 NPC, no housing)

Safety options:
TooFarAway U (too small, 4 NPC, legacy, not sure about housing? They used to have chapter-designated dorm housing but they tore those buildings down and have not reinstated sorority floors elsewhere on campus yet.)
Hometown U (too close to home, 10 NPC, chapter-designated dorm housing)
BadWifi State (seriously, that was her main complaint. Also small, 6 NPC, no housing)

So there is still a chance

carnation · #13 07-07-2022, 03:02 PM

What I learned is that it's great if your kid goes to a school that has unhoused or dorm chapters! Only one of ours went to a school where there was a large house and it was very expensive. Then we had 3 go to a school with no sorority housing and no dedicated chapter space, 2 who went to schools with sorority halls in a dorm, and 1 who attended a school whose housing was only for officers plus they had large areas for meetings. I prefer the last option and the next to last one (that was also what we did at Auburn).

TLLK · #14 07-08-2022, 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SquirrelyDays

Ok we have just finished our last planned college visit and the preferences have been updated:

Tied in first place:
Dads Alma Mater (12 NPC, 10 with houses, 2 without)
InState Rival U (soooo many orgs, all housed, legacy)

Middle choices:
Moms Alma Mater (sooooo many orgs, all housed, probably won’t get in realistically)
Dark Horse State (out of nowhere! Wasn’t even considering it! 7 NPC, no housing)

Safety options:
TooFarAway U (too small, 4 NPC, legacy, not sure about housing? They used to have chapter-designated dorm housing but they tore those buildings down and have not reinstated sorority floors elsewhere on campus yet.)
Hometown U (too close to home, 10 NPC, chapter-designated dorm housing)
BadWifi State (seriously, that was her main complaint. Also small, 6 NPC, no housing)

So there is still a chance

What an exciting time for you and your family! Best of luck to your daughter as she makes her decision.

SquirrelyDays · #15 07-07-2022, 03:49 PM

Yes, my pocketbook also thinks it’s a good idea. I think unhoused or designated dorm space makes GLO life more accessible to a wider variety of women so I am in favor of that. I also think that makes it easier for smaller orgs or chapters in a slump to stay competitive. I hadn’t heard of officer-only housing though! Another good option.