Great Story - Help me with advice

preciousjeni · #1 05-20-2005, 04:52 PM

Now that I'm established as THE one to talk to at this school when relationship issues come up, I'm going to bring the latest story to my GC people and get your take on the situation. This one is especially painful (or maybe irritating) for me because I feel like the two of them have some hidden feelings for each other. I'm just like GET TOGETHER ALREADY! But, I'm not in their heads so I don't know the truth.

The Story:

Ok - we'll call the girl Vanessa and we'll call the guy Mike

Mike comes over to Vanessa's room - they had already planned on hanging out for a while that day because they're good friends. They're watching tv and sitting together because it's a small dorm room. After a while, he starts rubbing her arm (well, she describes it more as a soft stroking thing that seemed mindless - just something to do). Things progress quickly and he ends up kissing all over her neck and holding onto her. At some point, she stops him and asks him what he's doing. She had gotten into it a lot and let him go for a while. He snaps out of it and apologizes to her and she tries to play it cool.

They go out for a while to get fresh air and while they're out, she asks him again what was going on. He says two things that surprise her. 1) He says she's a beautiful woman and 2) he says, and I quote, "there ain't nothin wrong with you" which, in the context of the story seems to be a compliment.

They go back to her room again for dinner after having agreed that the situation was the result of both of them giving up sex to be in seminary and feeling the need for some loving. (I can attest to this feeling because I still catch myself reliving "moments" in my past. Seminarians are still people!)

While the food is baking, they end up sitting together again. She claims that she really expected everything to be cool but it happens the same way but it escalates faster. He ends up on her and they're kissing and all that mess. She stops him again and asks what's going on and he says he doesn't know and just lays there holding her. She asks him why this is happening and why aren't they together. He says "it's complicated." (Traditional guy response of course.) They didn't go any further.

Ok - so my take is this.

Both of these people are godly and committed to Christian service. But, I'm the first to admit that Christians still get caught up sometimes so I can't sit here and tell her she's a horrible person.

The two of them are really good friends but neither has expressed any real interest in the other. They're both really cool, down-to-earth people (some of the few that I truly like here) so it would be awesome if they got together.

I can see how things would get out of hand but it's weird that this is the first time something like that happened because they're ALWAYS together. I can only go on what she tells me so it might not be the first time, but I honestly think it is.

I think they have underlying feelings for each other so passion got a bit out of control based on that. The passion probably just came out of basic human feelings.

So, what do you all think? I can't wait to see what happens!! It's like a soap. I think I need a life.

valkyrie · #2 05-20-2005, 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by preciousjeni
Both of these people are godly and committed to Christian service. But, I'm the first to admit that Christians still get caught up sometimes so I can't sit here and tell her she's a horrible person.

The fact that you'd say this makes me think that you want to say she's a horrible person. But seriously, for KISSING someone? For real?

I think that people kiss all the time when they're attracted to each other. It's been going on since the dawn of time and is not a big deal.

preciousjeni · #3 05-20-2005, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
The fact that you'd say this makes me think that you want to say she's a horrible person. But seriously, for KISSING someone? For real?

I think that people kiss all the time when they're attracted to each other. It's been going on since the dawn of time and is not a big deal.

I absolutely wouldn't say that she's horrible. SHE'S concerned that she's a horrible person. I told her that she's just human. The trouble is that it's tough being at seminary and having all eyes on you and your actions.

ETA: I didn't get full detail but suffice it to say it wasn't just kissing - hands were in places they hadn't been before

valkyrie · #4 05-20-2005, 05:33 PM

So what's the deal with seminary? Like, what are you not allowed to do?

preciousjeni · #5 05-20-2005, 05:52 PM

We sign a commitment that says we won't drink, smoke, use drugs, have sex/anything close to sex (outside of marriage), curse, etc. It's not that we'd be expelled from seminary, but they would ask us to reconsider our reason for being here if we do any of those things. It's more of a pact between us and God.

#6 05-20-2005, 06:01 PM

Jeni I pmed you as to not be flamed for my response by others!

James · #7 05-20-2005, 10:28 PM

Vanessa is wierd.

Her and the guy are groping each other, making out hot and heavy, and then she stops him and asks: Whats going on?

What kind of twisted question is that? I assume she realizes what a toungue down her throat and a hand on her privates means?

If she doesn't, how is she going to counsel anyone when she finishes school? Unless you guys don't cover what consensual sex play looks and feels like until later.

As far as anything else, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck . . lets just call it a duck.

They spend all their time together, they hook up (even if they don't understand that swapping bodily fluids is hooking up), and their friends think there is something between them.

Basically, they like each other but either the . . . uhm . . . unnatural rules of the school, their own inexperience, or both is preventing them from boning the hell out of each other.

Its May, the semester is almost over right? I say we just tell them to wait till break and then give them a Licence to Bone.

Are they both attractive? I don't recall dinvinity school being the last bastion for hotties . . . but you never know.

Remember: Friends don't let cute friends bone unattractive people.

preciousjeni · #8 05-20-2005, 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ADPiZXalum
Jeni I pmed you as to not be flamed for my response by others!

I tried to respond but your box is full. To sum up my reply, I agree with you completely.

James - LOL! You have to understand that ALL of us in seminary are held to a very high standard. So, it's dangerous on many levels for us to do anything that will take attention away from God. Honestly, I think that the drinking thing is ridiculous, but I uphold that rule because it's the honorable thing to do.

I think you just have to understand the mentality of seminary students/people in ministry. We are completely giving ourselves over to God's direction. So for example, for me to drink right now is like me saying I'm not going to hit you and then turning around and hitting you. What good is my word?

UKDaisy · #9 05-20-2005, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James

Remember: Friends don't let cute friends bone unattractive people.

This is why I love James

Peaches-n-Cream · #10 05-20-2005, 11:22 PM

Is dating permitted in seminary school?

It just sounds like they like each other and should try dating.

#11 05-21-2005, 12:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Peaches-n-Cream
Is dating permitted in seminary school?

It just sounds like they like each other and should try dating.

That depends........there were people at Truitt Seminary at Baylor that I know were dating, and a friend of mine is dating a guy at Southwestern in Dallas. BUT my roomate was in a similar type school and they were not allowed to date anyone UNLESS they were already dating when they ENTERED the school. Oddly enough, one of the girls had to leave because she got pregnant. : O I think it just depends on how strict the school is. Probably also depends on the religion. I don't think men who are training to be priests in the Catholic Church are allowed to date. (Speaking of the "unnatural rules" James).

Oh, and the PM box is cleared!

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #12 05-21-2005, 01:35 PM

Guys studying to be priests are allowed to date; it's just discouraged.

I dated a pharmacist who was studying to be a priest at one point (before we dated.) He had a girlfriend when he started studying, and it contributed to his decision to not keep on track for the priesthood -- he wasn't ready to commit to the girl, but he also wasn't ready to commit to not dating *any* girls.

I know he took a lot of heat over continuing to date, though. And I think there *were* rules about sex -- just not about taking girls out to dinner, for example.

GeekyPenguin · #13 05-21-2005, 01:44 PM

My boyfriend's parents met when his dad was in seminary and got married during his vicar year so some type of dating is clearly allowed, at least in their church.

I think that if this had happened before and they did not want it to happen the second time, then they should not have gone back to her room.

kddani · #14 05-21-2005, 02:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Peaches-n-Cream
Is dating permitted in seminary school?

It just sounds like they like each other and should try dating.

I would assume it is in this school, because why else would she be the person everyone goes to for relationship issues? Lol. Unless she's the person who tells people nope, no relationship for you. not allowed!

valkyrie · #15 05-21-2005, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kddani
Unless she's the person who tells people nope, no relationship for you. not allowed!

It would be fun to be the relationship nazi.