Help your friend

1908Revelations · #1 07-25-2007, 08:58 PM

I have a really close friend who used to have anxiety attacks and just the other day he mentioned that he felt as if he was going to have one.

I have looked it up on the internet, but I would like to know if anyone is close to someone who has panic attacks and how do/did you help them. Do I just say ok and back off or what? I know that I am no doctor, but I want to be there as a friend. Like I said it a guy and like most guys he dosen't like to talk.

I just think my ignorance of the issue causes me to think it is not a big deal, but guessing by the symptoms listed on various sites it is a big deal.

What did/do you do to help?

Dionysus · #2 07-25-2007, 09:12 PM

Don't judge him, or tell him to "get over it". Don't force him to face his phobia or whatever triggers the anxiety attacks. It takes intense threrapy for someone to get over something like this, change won't happen overnight or just by "sucking it up".

MysticCat · #3 07-25-2007, 09:24 PM

What Dionysus said.

My wife used to have them. While it's happening, back off some -- he feels like the world is closing in on him, so you don't want to add to the feeling that it is.

Best thing you can do is make sure he knows you don't think he's crazy and that you want to be helpful and supportive. But the bottom line is he's going to have to do the work himself (1) to figure out what's at the root of the anxiety and (2) what works for him in preventing them.

AlethiaSi · #4 07-25-2007, 09:36 PM

I have an anxiety disorder and get panic attacks. Sometimes they come out of nowhere, sometimes I can feel them coming on, but I can't really pin down my triggers. It is one of the scariest things that I have ever experienced.

What I have found to be helpful is mostly what dionysis and mysticcat said, but i was also grateful when my friends would remove (or as best they could) me from the situation i was in, had me do whatever was most comfortable (walk, sit, or lie down) and to help me breathe. An exercise i found helpful was to slowly breathe in for four counts, let it out for four counts and then hold my breath for four counts. then repeat (obviously lol) water is usually helpful for me. There are a few books that you can check out of the library. I did a quick search on google and came up with some good sites (especially from nimh- national institute of mental health)
i did a search on barnes and noble, and while i haven't read this personally, my step mom (who suffers from panic attacks too) has and found it helpful
don't panic
i saw some others, but since I haven't read them, i don't want to recommend anything.
I hope that helps somewhat!
I would also recommend talking to him about it, ask him what he would like you to do in those situations and what you could do to help and support him 110% to go and see someone.
I found cognitive behavioral therapy to be effective.

1908Revelations · #5 07-25-2007, 10:30 PM

Thanks you guys!

I have never judged him about it and I have expressed that if there is anything I can do just let me know.

I know what is causing them (the death of a loved one in 2004), but he never talks about it to anyone.

So, basically I should just keep my distance as to not aggrivate the problem. I just feel like there is something I can do, but since I have no idea of what is going on in his head I can't do anything.

Thanks GC peeps

ZTABullwinkle · #6 07-25-2007, 11:16 PM

The advice that has already been given is spot on. Especially the advice about removing them from the situation and ask how you can help (when your friend isn't having the attack) The not judging is really important. It was the scariest feeling when I was having an attack, and to feel as if I was being judged or stared at made it worse.

I suffered from panic attacks for years. Luckily, I had a very good therapist who taught me some ways to get through them.

Buy basic bubbles. You have to breath right to blow them, and it helps to "regulate" your breathing. (which is especially helpful if you are hyperventilating) Also, give you something else to concentrate on besides the panic.

Buy coloring books and crayons. Again, a distraction whihc you have to concentrate on to get through an attack.

If they have a watch, have them watch the time. Panic attacks rarely last longer than 10-15 minutes. By watching the time till 10-15 minutes is up, it is another distraction.

(I am sure these seem really "silly" but they work very well. At least they did for me.)

I think it is really admirable that you (as a friend) are looking for ways to help. I am sure that means a lot to your friend.

scbelle · #7 07-26-2007, 08:20 AM

All responders have given excellent advice to help OP with his friend. I would encourage you to encourage your friend to look into cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). It worked wonders for me! I suffered from massive panic attacks for many years that would often lead to hyperventilation and on a couple of occasions, passing out. My friends would freak out, but it looks (and feels) a lot scarier than it actually is. I know for me, people freaking out about it made it a lot worse for me than it already was. Just try to keep your cool, don't try to call for an ambulance (unless directed by the person who's having the attack), make and keep eye contact with your friend and have them breathe slowly- four counts in, four counts out, to get breathing regulated again. Your friend is lucky to have someone like you! I know that what eventually helped me beat my anxiety was having my friends around me who understood what was going on and helped me in every way. Good luck to you and your friend!