honeymoon fundraising

ASUADPi · #1 08-30-2013, 08:40 AM

Has anyone ever seen this?

One of my facebook friends (who will be my SIL's SIL) and her fiancee keep posting a honeymoon fundraising link.

Etiquette wise this seems incredibly tacky to me. I don't think it is appropriate to ask people (on facebook no less) to donate to your honeymoon, when some of those people may be going to your wedding and be giving you a gift. Unless you are counting them donating to your honeymoon as your gift.

I'm not sure what their expectations are (donation in lieu of gift).

Kevin · #2 08-30-2013, 08:50 AM

Donation in lieu of gift would seem appropriate. Maybe donations in lieu of a wedding shower would be fine as well. Adding a wholly new tradition where people are expected to give you stuff seems on the tacky side.

FSUZeta · #3 08-30-2013, 09:02 AM

I think it is tacky too. If people want to give money as a wedding gift, then the couple is free to use it however they see fit. But directly asking for money to fund the fabulous honeymoon trip that must be above their means (elsewise, why would they be asking for $$ for the honeymoon fund) makes me clutch my pearls.

carnation · #4 08-30-2013, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

I think it is tacky too. If people want to give money as a wedding gift, then the couple is free to use it however they see fit. But directly asking for money to fund the fabulous honeymoon trip that must be above their means (elsewise, why would they be asking for $$ for the honeymoon fund) makes me clutch my pearls.

Ack! Clutching pearls too! Well (looking down), clutching Auburn beads.

TonyB06 · #5 08-30-2013, 09:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASUADPi

Has anyone ever seen this?

One of my facebook friends (who will be my SIL's SIL) and her fiancee keep posting a honeymoon fundraising link.

Etiquette wise this seems incredibly tacky to me. I don't think it is appropriate to ask people (on facebook no less) to donate to your honeymoon, when some of those people may be going to your wedding and be giving you a gift. ....

+1. What, the money dance with the bride didn't want none of dat?

Sciencewoman · #6 08-30-2013, 09:09 AM

It is tacky...repeated FB requests? If you're so inclined, money as the wedding gift seems like a good solution. These folks are probably going to return registry gifts for cash, anyway.

I was invited to a bridal shower for a 3rd cousin of my husband's, in which we were asked to bring money for a "money tree" they were creating. The invitation came with a "cute" little poem about the money tree, and a hand-made envelope made out of paper with money printed on it.

I didn't go. I envisioned the bride and guests sitting around while the bride opened each envelope and oohed and aahed over the amount of cash each one contained. I wasn't really sure that would happen...maybe we were supposed to bring a standard gift as well, and she'd open the money tree enveloped later. But just the thought of opening the envelopes added to my abhorrence.

Anyway, I had my MIL and SIL take a gift from her registry, and skipped going myself. It turns out she didn't open the envelopes there. The participation level was lower than expected.

ASTalumna06 · #7 08-30-2013, 09:42 AM

My mom and stepdad recently went to a wedding for a couple who had already lived together for years, so they didn't want all the stuff that people usually put on a registry. Instead, on their wedding website, they were able to set up a "pay for our honeymoon" section, which allowed guests to pay for different parts of their trip (in lieu of a physical gift/check, which they clearly stated). They had things like the hotel and different excursions listed with the total cost for each. Guests could pay for an item in part or in full. I believe this couple was going to Thailand? and my parents bought them an elephant ride.

In a situation such as this, it's perfectly acceptable to have people pay for the honeymoon, but the situation described above.. uh, no.

Oh, and the other cool thing about this couple's wedding website - you could request up to 5 songs for the DJ to play at the wedding. That way, he would have songs set up ahead of time, and there wouldn't be tons of people running up to him all night with requests.

agzg · #8 08-30-2013, 10:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Oh, and the other cool thing about this couple's wedding website - you could request up to 5 songs for the DJ to play at the wedding. That way, he would have songs set up ahead of time, and there wouldn't be tons of people running up to him all night with requests.

This is a tangent but Live-in and I are attending his best friend's wedding in two weeks and they put on the invite "write on the response card your guilty pleasure song" (mine was "Call me Maybe"), and that's now their playlist for the event! I thought it was fun. Now, getting a DJ to play all those songs has proven pretty tricky - they're on their second, because the first refused, saying "I don't let people do my job for me, you might as well set up an iTunes playlist" - which was weird because typically the DJ is the MC of the event.

33girl · #9 08-30-2013, 11:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sciencewoman

I was invited to a bridal shower for a 3rd cousin of my husband's, in which we were asked to bring money for a "money tree" they were creating. The invitation came with a "cute" little poem about the money tree, and a hand-made envelope made out of paper with money printed on it.

I didn't go. I envisioned the bride and guests sitting around while the bride opened each envelope and oohed and aahed over the amount of cash each one contained. I wasn't really sure that would happen...maybe we were supposed to bring a standard gift as well, and she'd open the money tree enveloped later. But just the thought of opening the envelopes added to my abhorrence.

Anyway, I had my MIL and SIL take a gift from her registry, and skipped going myself. It turns out she didn't open the envelopes there. The participation level was lower than expected.

Money trees used to be advocated as a good option if the husband or wife (or both) was in the military, so out of necessity they would be moving around a lot and therefore couldn't take lots of gifts with them. In that instance, it makes perfect sense. But just asking for money in a regular circumstance? No no no. Tacky tacky tacky.

And the dollar dance is pretty common round these parts as there is still a lot of "old world" influence. Basically you are paying for the shot you get, not to dance with the bride.

If you want to finance your honeymoon and have lived together forever, as KKG Caroline mentioned, then register on Ammazon where you can buy the house stuff you need. The wedding I just went to? They used my Ammazon gift card for a thermostat. Then they can use the $$ for their honeymoon. That's fine with me. But asking for $$ for your honeymoon outright is pretty much like asking for your rent/gas/light payment, IMO.

Asking for ANYTHING on Facebook would probably cause me to skip the wedding altogether. That's kind of like the girl who sent wedding invites to people at work 2 weeks beforehand saying "we haven't had the response we wanted, if you would like to come [and of course bring a gift] we would love to have you."

AZTheta · #10 08-30-2013, 09:24 AM

Are you freaking kidding me?

That's just awfully ... awfully ... annoying.

FSUZeta · #11 08-30-2013, 09:27 AM

I attended an Italian wedding where the bride carried a string purse at the reception and men put cash in the bag to dance with the bride. I had never seen this done before and I was sort of

TonyB06, is this what you were referring to?

TonyB06 · #12 08-30-2013, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

I attended an Italian wedding where the bride carried a string purse at the reception and men put cash in the bag to dance with the bride. I had never seen this done before and I was sort of

TonyB06, is this what you were referring to?

Yep. It happens a lot at Black receptions as well. Usually you give the money to a bridesmaid or someone who is holding a container, before you dance with the bride. Or you pin the money on her wedding gown, or whatever she's changed into.

If I want to make a transaction, I'll go to PNC Bank. Not that I haven't done it for brides I really like (it is a festive occasion), but it just makes me feel some kinda way about it.

DeltaBetaBaby · #13 08-30-2013, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TonyB06

If I want to make a transaction, I'll go to PNC Bank. Not that I haven't done it for brides I really like (it is a festive occasion), but it just makes me feel some kinda way about it.

As you should. It is misogynist and treats the bride as property.

Munchkin03 · #14 09-02-2013, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TonyB06

Yep. It happens a lot at Black receptions as well. Usually you give the money to a bridesmaid or someone who is holding a container, before you dance with the bride. Or you pin the money on her wedding gown, or whatever she's changed into.

I've never seen it at a Black wedding, and I've been to my share all over the country. The only wedding I've seen it happen was at a Filipino wedding. The bride didn't want it, but her parents did.

My opinion on this stuff is highly documented on GC. Do y'all remember my tantrum about the treadmill?

Sciencewoman · #15 09-03-2013, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

And then there are the people who buy picnic baskets... And then you just hope you can figure out what store it's from.

We received 3 picnic baskets for wedding gifts. Hopefully 3 picnickers who visited Goodwill felt they were getting a good deal. I tried keeping one for a while, to carry potluck items in, but it just didn't work well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

My opinion on this stuff is highly documented on GC. Do y'all remember my tantrum about the treadmill?

The same money tree shower couple had some items on their registry that raised my eyebrows...a lot of sporting equipment and alcohol-related items (decanters, shot glasses, etc.).