Rush at UCSC

[sweetlilwen]

Corina, Thank you for handing down your position to me. I know it meant a lot. I have been on top of everythin...hope your proud of me . We could not have done it all alone. We finally came this far and theres no looking back. I hope that when you graduate you'll come back and visit us all cuz we'll miss you lots. And also hook it up withthe networkin girl lol. Well sis we made it this far lets continue our journey....even when the roads are rough and life seems to be gettiung tougher just always keep your heads up and walk as one...one team!

[sairose]

Hi Corina,

Any new updates?

[NinjaPoodle]

TTT!

[wishinhopin]

So here's my deal, please bear with the oh so pitifull nature of it. Basically I'm just at a point where I feel like I have screwed up every single aspect of my life. Academically I'm all out of whack. It's like a bunch of little factors all combined in my head to become this huge issue that I can't get over. I'm already behind in reading and assignments. I haven't turned in two papers, and those are usually the things I do the best in. I haven't even been to class in two weeks- I get intimidated because I'm so behind and I feel like I can never catch up, there's a severe parking issue that means I can't park anywhere even remotely close to campus without getting a ticket, and if I park far away then I have to factor another hour into my already completely packed schedule for bus travel time. And then sorority stuff...no details I can share here, but suffice it so say that it's a rough ride and my girls and I are trying desperately to hold on to our motivation. I don't think that any organization or person is to blame, it's just a product of people not being clear on what was/is expected of them. I'm kinda re-evaluating my goals about a whole lot of things and this is definitely an area that deserves some attention. Wish I didn't have to be so vague, but am trying very hard to keep with proper protocal and yet not deny myself the advice and/or support I so desperately need right now. There's all kinds of ridiculous drama in my personal life regarding friendship and romance or lack thereof in both categories. I guess I just feel...disillusioned with my life, like nothing is going even remotely close to how I had hoped and yet there is nothing and no one to blame but myself. I'm screwing up my last year of college completely and for some reason I don't know how to fix it. On one hand it is so easy to make an appointment to talk with a professor, or do the extra reading...but on the other hand all I want to do is sleep and sit around and feel sorry for myself. I think that I don't want to grow up...I don't want to be mature and I don't want to deal with all my shit because growing up is not fun. It's difficult and stressful and I don't think I'm very good at it. I used to think I was mature, goal oriented, productive, responsible, someone who accomplishes things...but now I feel like this is a front I put up for myself and for other people, and in reality I'm just a slacker with very little to offer. I know I'm whiny and I know I'm rambling and I know that people have real problems that actually justify talking about them, but I feel like crap right now, and since this is my life then me feeling like crap is a big deal. My dad says life is a marathon, and for the college portion I just have to get my fourth wind. How do I do that? Does anyone know?

~edited b/c i was going to put this in the chit chat forum for some reason and some comments made no sense.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Wishinhopin, I'm sorry that you are going through this. I am about to go to bed now so I can't think of any advice right now, but I will be thinking of you. The one suggestion that I have is go to class. That needs to be your priority. I will try to think of some useful advice tomorrow.

[HotDamnImAPhiMu]

and maybe consider counseling? sounds like you're going through a lot of tough stuff, and everyone needs a little help now and then!

[mmcat]

first step...understanding there is a problem. you got that handled.
second step...get out the old legal pad and make a list of what is needed. your first priority, i would think, is to finish. put everything on the list you have some control over and give it an order of action. if you have no control, move to the next item. for example, you can't control romance, even if you would like, or campus parking.
then...work the list. counseling is not a bad thought.
sweetie, it is time to get graduated, which might be a part of your funk.
still in your corner.

[AGDee]

Many of the feelings and behaviors you're describing are also symptoms of clinical depression. Go talk to a counselor and a doctor. This is often a biochemical thing happening in your brain that you can't do anything about on your own but medication can straighten it out. It also sounds like you might be afraid to take the next steps in life (because college has gotten comfortable and it's NATURAL to be worried about life after college) and so you're subconsciously sabotaging this 4th year to stop yourself from moving forward. Either way, a counselor can help you and I'm sure the counselors at your school have encountered others with the same issues.

Take care,

Dee

[wishinhopin]

I suppose my good night's sleep has helped push me more towards hope and less towards despair. Sometimes I get all tripped out because I feel like...I guess it seems like everything is easier for other people to handle. Like I get caught up in thinking that everything I'm trying to do isn't that difficult, I'm just incompetent/lazy/unmotivated/etc. And then that means it's a personal problem relating to who I am, and that's not such a pleasant thought. But I have been going through a whoooooole lot of stressful stuff, so I'm trying to cut myself a little slack.

If anyone read my post a while back about the housemate from hell...well, more drama with him. He's basically threatening to send the police to my house and have me put in jail (although for what I don't know...I haven't the slightest idea what he thinks he's going to implicate me for, considering that-aside from the occasional deviations so common for college students in general and Santa Cruz residents in particular-I haven't done anything the police would be concerned with). But nonetheless I am easily shook up and hearing such a thing freaked me out, and plus that's just more on my plate that I need to deal with. I really need legal advice actually, but I absolutely can't afford a lawyer and so I need to figure out something about that. He's demanding a portion of the deposit money and I don't know what to do about that. But anyway, that's beside the point.

As for school stuff...I know that the only way to deal with the hole I've dug for myself is to meet with my profs and also an academic advisor. But this scares me a whole lot, mostly because I've had two of these teachers before, and I had to go talk to them about times in previous quarters when I screwed something up and/or needed them to help me get back on track. So one, I don't want them to remember me and be like, ok, this girl just doesn't do her work and then expects to be able to still pass. And two, one of the teachers I'm refering to (who has a reputation for being one of the nicest, coolest, best profs on campus) yelled at me when I tried to speak with him last year, and made me cry. So I'm a little bit intimidated about all of that. I hate being yelled at. I still don't know exactly how to approach them, or deal with the situation, but I'm trying to figure it out.

Now on to sorority stuff...a whole lot of the problem is that I feel very discouraged. I'm (hopefully) graduating in June, and I'm worried that we won't be able to accomplish all that I had hoped for my sorority by then. Not sure if that made sense. Basically, I feel like I've had to modify this dream I've had so many times. I wanted to be in Gamma Phi, we wanted to go NPC, we wanted to be a chapter of AZD, we want to be affiliated with Theta Nu Xi. And, for reasons that are neither good nor bad (just the way things go) those dreams have now proven to be either impossible or uncertain.

Even if things do go as I had hoped, I have to consider that June is not so far away, and I'll be away from all of this. I can't imagine anything sadder than walking away from UCSC and knowing that I wasn't able to lead this dream of mine into a reality on almost any accounts. I'll have to face that, though this was a huge part of my collegiate experience, it's just not going to be more than a miniscule part of my post graduation years. Does that make sense? It's altogether just sorta sad, knowing that I'm going to be leaving something that has mattered to me more than any other effort I've ever made. And if we aren't able to make the progress we're trying very hard to make, then I'll also have to face the reality that none of my dreams were realistic, and I guess I'm afraid it will feel like when I didn't make cheerleading tryouts in high school, but as though I tried out like 6 times in a row to no avail. Not sure if that metaphor made sense, but whatever.

Interestingly enough, I think that part of my trouble is that, up until recently, I was able to turn to the Greekchat community and outline every single problem and accomplishment that NBO had. But now I can't do that, and it's very frustrating. I guess I didn't realize how much I relied on this thread! But it makes sense...NBO and actually my entire identity as a sorority woman were born off the internet....all of you who commented and gave advice and support were at times the only thing that enabled us to keep going, or helped us to view a situation realistically. So to have that support system cut off...well it's just made us have to be like most other people in the world; now we have to do things on our own and that's not something I should be complaining about. But I do still miss checking this post and seeing page after page of exactly what I needed to hear. I didn't realize until right now how much motivation we derived from GC. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but it's the truth.

I'm trying to remember that I have very specific goals for myself that I am closer than ever before to reaching. I've gotten myself in this horrible destructive circle...ie I'm thinking, "I hate school and I hate UCSC and Santa Cruz, I just want to be out" but then I can't get out til I graduate, which now feels slightly less possible because I've screwed up classes so bad, so now I'm stuck here longer, and the only way to get out is to go to class and work my ass off, but I don't want to go because it already feels too late and I hate school and I hate UCSC and I hate Santa Cruz etc etc etc.....

And altogether I read this and just think I'm being lame, because honestly there are so many other things that other people have to deal with, and all of my issues right now are basically petty bullshit. But I'm having trouble putting it all in perspective I suppose. I've made my to-do list and it's pages upon pages long, I have to handle details from every portion of my life (particularly school and finances) and it's very very overwhelming. It's like, in a wierd way, I almost think it would help to write each item on a separate piece of paper, so I couldn't focus on all the things I don't feel like I can get done. I see that huge list and I just feel like I don't have the time/energy/mindset to get even a small portion of it done. So if anyone has any advice on how to deal with stuff like that, I would definitely appreciate it.

I don't know if anyone of this made sense, and I'm sure somewhere I've overstepped some boundaries and said things that I shouldn't have, but I have enough things to worry about right now and I can't stress about anything else. Comments appreciated as usual, even if it is just to tell me that things aren't as hard as I'm making them out to be, and I can actually do all of this. If anybody managed to read this entire schpiel, I truly appreciate it.

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

Check and see if any groups (Bar Association, etc) offer free neighborhood legal clinics.

They have them up here and you have to sign up and you get x amount of free legal time with a lawyer. I volunteer with one that helps domestic violence victims.

[wishinhopin]

Oh man you don't even know how much it cheered me up to see a flyer at the bookstore yesterday....I don't remember the exact details but basically if you're at a female at UCSC, you can aim towards becoming a DOC little sis! The thought of that whole screwed up situation just cracks me up, although I gotta give them credit for perservering on a campus where people have literally spit at them while they were wearing their letters. I told one of my little sis's that she should go for it, and she completely missed the sarcasm and got horribly offended. I might be the only person who's amused by this, but I'll be damned if it didn't crack me up.

[bruinaphi]

Corina,

Have you read Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People?" If not, it is a quick read and very helpful with prioritization and understanding how to organize and plan your life. Here is a synopsis of the 7 habits and what they will do to organize your life (from www.franklincovey.com).

The 7 Habits...and What They’ll do for Your Organization


The Habit The Results of 7 Habits Training
Be Proactive Fosters courage to take risks and accept new challenges to achieve goals

Begin with the End in Mind Brings projects to completion and unites teams and organizations under a shared vision, mission, and purpose

Put First Things First Promotes getting the most important things done first and encourages direct effectiveness

Think Win-Win Encourages conflict resolution and helps individuals seek mutual benefit, increasing group momentum

Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood Helps people understand problems, resulting in targeted solutions; and promotes better communications, leading to successful problem-solving

Synergize Ensures greater "buy-in" from team members and leverages the diversity of individuals to increase levels of success

Sharpen the Saw Promotes continuous improvements and safeguards against "burn-out" and subsequent nonproductivity

For me, it helps to break the list down and tackle one problem at a time. I usually break my to do list up into lists i can accomplish so I don't feel overwhelmed.

I also encourage you to see your academic counselor about how to approach your professors. They know the school and personalities well and are your best resource.

Like others have said, go see a counselor. They are there b/c many students struggle while in school. Here is the contact information for Student Counseling at UCSC:

Counseling and Psychological Services
(831) 459-2628

Individual, couples, and family counseling are available regarding personal, academic, social, or family concerns.

Good luck & hang in there!

Laura

[tnxbutterfly]

Hey Corina,

I sent you a pm

[mmcat]

i guess as a start a big hug...
reading all the other posts, it sounds like your heart is so full right now...
definitely academic advisor...next professors...
you are this close and the world is out there...there is a diploma with your name on it.
re housemate, agreed legal aid immediately. police if necessary.
re sorority...have you done everything you could do? of course...now, continue listening and see what occurs. your dream created something real. if it didn't finish yet, that doesn't make you less of a dreamer. that doesn't make you less of a wonderful person.
lol...

[preciousjeni]

tnxbutterfly

I pm'd you, but I'm not sure if you check your messages!!! Please check it out!!

preciousjeni