A pledge with a kid? - Page 3

carnation · #31 10-24-2002, 10:00 AM

As to whether someone with a child should be admitted--I guess that's the call of the individual organization. Like Lindz said, it would be frowned upon at the big Southern universities.

That being said, GLOs need to make sure that a PNM who's a parent clearly understands when a child can and can not be broght to group functions. Some people are totally dense about this and would bring a child to rush, formals, events with alcohol, and even initiation.

zchi2 · #32 10-24-2002, 10:00 AM

I agree with what sigmagirl said. Please get your facts straight before you make assumptions. I really hope that someone talks to her and flat out ask her not only does she have a baby, but about the other things she lied about. Also I'm not sure what else she lied about

. Manipulation and lying are two different things even though both of them are wrong. I'm sure the reason why some of us are confused about your situation is that we would probably have to be in your chapter to understand.
But if you ask her to de-pledge, I hope that you all don't say it is because of your child. It seems like you all have other problems with her and the baby is the last of you troubles.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #33 10-24-2002, 02:50 PM

You definately need to get your stuff straight. You've presented absolutely NO reason to ask this girl to depledge. Look up your bylaws (you should have a copy if you're in Panhel -- I know everyone at my school got one) and THEN figure out if this girl has even lied.

No, saying she baby-sits and then subsequently noting that she does not have a job DOESN'T COUNT.

This is ridiculous!

poodleNtraining · #34 10-24-2002, 09:21 PM

Like HotDamn said, I don't see where the grounds for de-pledging her are, UNLESS there is some by-law that says she can't have children. Just because a person tells a lie, and from what you say, small ones about stupid stuff, ok, so they tell dumb lies, I'm sure someone else may have stinky breath and someone else drinks a little too much, etc (just examples). But unless it was osmething crucial and detremental to your org, its not that serious from what you're telling us. As far as not allowing women with children, I think that that sucks in any shape or form. That's like saying that JUST because you have a child or are married, you're not good enough, or you're telling them that WITHOUT GIVING YOU A CHANCE we KNOW you can't handle it. I mean, that is unfair. I'm very sure that most people with children wouldn't even think of joining something as time consuming and costly as a sorority and fraternity without considering whether or not they would be able to handle it all and still put the child's needs first (yes there are those few irresponsible ones, but they are few). And shutting them down for having a child because you have a "reputation" to uphold is crap because unless you have a policy that says that all members must be virgins when they pledge and the entire time they're in undergrad then the only difference between you all and them is that you missed the bullet so to speak. I have a child, and even if I didn't I wouldn't want to be a part of an organization that discriminated upon prospective members based upon past "mistakes". They'd be missing out on the talents, resources and dedication that I can offer, all qualities that also make me a good parent.

Ok, I'm through LOL

#35 10-25-2002, 12:36 AM

You want to know the sad thing... back in 1995 when i was a senior i was 25 and i wanted to pledge more then anything in the world. But, i was never given a bid because I had many things against me when coming to pledge a sorority: my age, my class rank( Senior), and i wasn't southern! Three deadly strikes when you attend a southern school.

I look at this and say... dang! i could of pledged if those were my only issues vs. having a baby. But having a baby isn't an issue. A sorority is to be for life. and a sororoity is a WOMAN'S organization. and as women we will have children and for some of us we have a child. Like someone said earlier if we cannot support a woman who has children and who still wants to be apart of a sorority then what are we doing? Denying a woman the right to be apart of an organization only because she is a mother is outragious. Yes traditionally women are to pledge in college as single and childless ,but today is a different time and as i see it in my own situation these times have changed drastically in the last few years. Alumnae Initations were not heard of back then, and here i am 3 weeks away from being initated in to Alpha Phi at 33 years old married and with a baby.

If this person wants to join and feels she can maintain school and motherhood i say more power to her! Granted, whether or not She lied maybe that should be the only issue to worry about, but to deny a woman the right to be apart of a GLO because of her only issue is being a mom then we have just taken huge footsteps back in time.

Reprimand her for lying, but not for being a mom! Being a mother is the greatest joy in life and to restrict her for being a mother is sad and driscrimative.

She may suprise you and be the best Sister you have and can rely on!

These are just my 2cents!
Laura

DGWannabe · #36 10-25-2002, 09:10 AM

First of all there is no national stand point on new members with children. Secondly, if she did lie, she may be afraid of others being overly judgmental (Is she wrong?)Lastly, one of my pledge sisters had a child-but she gave it up for adoption. How would you expect her to answer a question like that? Yes, she had a child but no she doesn't have one now? I really don't think it's your business. Do you ask all the pledges if they've had abortions or if they're virgins? You better be careful before jumping into these waters. A girl that had a child went through rush and she was very open about it, only one sorority invited her to anything-now she is panhellenic president and the BEST sister and person. I wish we had given her more of a chance....

Munchkin03 · #37 10-25-2002, 09:14 AM

It seems downright archaic that a sorority would have bylaws against an active with children. Is the problem the conflicting commitments of sorority life and children, or is the fact that children are an unmistakable sign of sexual activity? If the latter's the case, how can they make sure that every active is a virgin?

I feel the MOST IMPORTANT issue is whether or not she's been lying, and what she's lying about. Otherwise, please come up with a "better" reason to depledge her, if you have to at all.

zchi2 · #38 10-25-2002, 09:23 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by poodleNtraining
Like HotDamn said, I don't see where the grounds for de-pledging her are, UNLESS there is some by-law that says she can't have children. Just because a person tells a lie, and from what you say, small ones about stupid stuff, ok, so they tell dumb lies, I'm sure someone else may have stinky breath and someone else drinks a little too much, etc (just examples). But unless it was osmething crucial and detremental to your org, its not that serious from what you're telling us. As far as not allowing women with children, I think that that sucks in any shape or form. That's like saying that JUST because you have a child or are married, you're not good enough, or you're telling them that WITHOUT GIVING YOU A CHANCE we KNOW you can't handle it. I mean, that is unfair. I'm very sure that most people with children wouldn't even think of joining something as time consuming and costly as a sorority and fraternity without considering whether or not they would be able to handle it all and still put the child's needs first (yes there are those few irresponsible ones, but they are few). And shutting them down for having a child because you have a "reputation" to uphold is crap because unless you have a policy that says that all members must be virgins when they pledge and the entire time they're in undergrad then the only difference between you all and them is that you missed the bullet so to speak. I have a child, and even if I didn't I wouldn't want to be a part of an organization that discriminated upon prospective members based upon past "mistakes". They'd be missing out on the talents, resources and dedication that I can offer, all qualities that also make me a good parent.

Ok, I'm through LOL

Girl, you got me cracking up

I was thinking the same thing.

Peaches-n-Cream · #39 10-26-2002, 12:44 AM

When I was an undergrad, I lived in a suite with a woman who was in another sorority and had a child. The child lived with her grandparents during the school year. She saw her child almost every weekend. She seemed to be very active in her sorority. It helped that her parents were essentially raising the child until her college graduation. She said that she didn't know how she would go to college if it weren't for her mother.