Now you're a member......

[SKEEphistAKAte]

I've realized that I have to make a conscious effort to balance my relationships with my non-member friends with those of my greek associates. When my ls's have an event, most of the time I don't feel comfortable inviting my non-member friends because I know that or the most part we will talk about greek stuff and the non-member would not be able to participate in the conversation. The first couple of months after I crossed, I spent a lot of time with my ls's because they were all so dynamic and new and all of our paths were crossing with new connections we'd made- we were invited to so many parties and events- it was crazy. Now that things have calmed down a little, I make sure to hang out with my non-member friends and at times try to hang out with both.
It is just like having college friends. You know, you go away to college and develop this other group of friends and you come back home to your old friends. A lot of time you feel like the two groups would not be compatible because of differences in personality or lifestyle. Sometimes it is just uncomfortable to have the two worlds collide. The same goes for work associates and friends outside of work. Sometimes it is difficult to maintain a balance. But I try.

[miss priss]

have any of you been in a situation where you have had to make choice decisions about choosing your non-greek member friends over your ls's? Also, has any of your friendships split because you went AKA and your friend went DST, ZPhiB, or SGRho,etc...?

[Steeltrap]

Originally posted by SKEEphistAKAte
I've realized that I have to make a conscious effort to balance my relationships with my non-member friends with those of my greek associates. When my ls's have an event, most of the time I don't feel comfortable inviting my non-member friends because I know that or the most part we will talk about greek stuff and the non-member would not be able to participate in the conversation. The first couple of months after I crossed, I spent a lot of time with my ls's because they were all so dynamic and new and all of our paths were crossing with new connections we'd made- we were invited to so many parties and events- it was crazy. Now that things have calmed down a little, I make sure to hang out with my non-member friends and at times try to hang out with both.
It is just like having college friends. You know, you go away to college and develop this other group of friends and you come back home to your old friends. A lot of time you feel like the two groups would not be compatible because of differences in personality or lifestyle. Sometimes it is just uncomfortable to have the two worlds collide. The same goes for work associates and friends outside of work. Sometimes it is difficult to maintain a balance. But I try.

Soror, this is a great post. I've been Greek almost four years, but I still have a tendency not to invite non-greek friends to Greek/LS related events, etc. The only exception would be our big events, such as our deb ball.
My closest non-greek friends (one from college, another I met in 1995) don't live in the same community I'm in, so I have to make sure that I keep in touch with the phone or e-mail. It takes an effort.

[reverie]

This is a great thread! So many people have said things like, "Don't rush, we'll never see you again!" since my campus has deferred recruitment. I really enjoy reading all of the different perspectives.

[AKA2D '91]

Originally posted by miss priss
Also, has any of your friendships split because you went AKA and your friend went DST, ZPhiB, or SGRho,etc...?

I think there is/was a thread on that...

[Ivy2Love]

Originally posted by AKA2D '91
I think there is/was a thread on that...

Soror, where would I find that thread. I have a bit to say about that topic.

[mccoyred]

Normally, when someone says that 'you've changed' they are referring to negative changes. However, we all should have changed for the better as well, so what's wrong with changing.

My pledge (yes, PLEDGE) process allowed me to perform some much needed introspection while getting to know my bs and my ls. I will say that I emerged a stronger person. My perspective on some things changed and that is OK.

[Renegade02]

I would say that anyone joining an organization would change in some way. With me being in APO, I changed in the fact that I have more respect for myself and I look after my organization. I became more mature by joining APO. As for friends that I have that joined a Black greek organization, I saw I huge change in all of them. I know atleast two that joined Alpha Kappa Alpha and thought that the world moved around them. Not to say that all members are like that, but these girls just felt like they were "it". Some people go through their process in different ways, but I can't seem to understand how once you become a member, some people feel that others are underneath them?

Some people at my school look at me when I wear my letter shirt and say "you are not this or that" and I just stare at them and say...."we are all founded on the same principles, so why are you any different than I am" I went through a process, even though it "may" have been in a different light, but from what I was told, when you "pledge" you are taking that organization into your heart and learning all of the principles of that organization. Isn't that what all greek-letter organizations do?

Sorry if this is of subject

Oh yeah...those girls I was talking about...they are ex-friends now! I didn't need someone asking me to help them out with this and that, and calling me up and chit chatting, and then act like I didn't graduate with them from high school and like we didn't used to have parties together or anything like that after they became greek.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by miss priss
have any of you been in a situation where you have had to make choice decisions about choosing your non-greek member friends over your ls's? Also, has any of your friendships split because you went AKA and your friend went DST, ZPhiB, or SGRho,etc...?

My best friend and maid of honor my wedding is a dynamic lady of Delta...

My MIL is a fine lady of Zeta

The rest of my close friends are my sorors.

In some respects, there are private organizational information that I do not want to know because it is all understood between the D4 Sororities that we do not need to know each others rituals down to what each other's symbols exactly mean. IMHO, it is more important to me to love and respect what my Sorority's ritualistic symbolic nature is because that is the Sorority I choose for myself...

So in so many words, I am still friends with those who have chosen Sororities outside of mine. And when I was single, I attended many of their parties when I was not a member and had plenty of fun...



Here's a question for you all:

What about significant others who are not greek or have yet to be greek or have issues with greeks? How do you all deal with that?

Since we are waaaayyyy out of college, the collegiate scene is not in my purview... But, Mr. AKA_Monet is not greek. At one time, long ago, he wanted to be a part of BGLO. But now, he is a professional and has little time (and $$$) to devote to joining at the grad level... (Let's leave it at that...)

So he has a few issues with me being an AKA... Why do I spend so much time with my sorors and all these activities... Yada, yada...

However, he said something to me the other day that made my jaw drop. He said, "I love you because you do not give up on your sorors..."

Aside from the "Awwww, Hunny" and kisses, apparently, he has been watching me spend hours on the weekend while at a Sorority meeting, sometimes frazzled to a frit, yet, I just have not dropped my service to AKA. Because you have to understand, he has little concept of the pledge I made so long ago--'cuz he never made one himself...

So, in so many ways, greek devotion, especially for BGLO's (because that's what I know), is not a concept for those outside of the system--moreso when you are waaaayyyy out of college...

[Sahara]

I'm dealing with that on a minor level with my fiance. I have a feeling it will intensify in time. Right now, he just says that some of the traveling that I do is unnecessary. He's referring to regional conferences, leadership seminars, and boules (I've been to one of each since I reactivated last year). I explained to him that the Sorority is not a social club, but a professional organization. I'm pretty certain it went in one ear and out the other.

I have a question:
One of my new year's resolutions was to get in touch with people that I've lost contact with over the years. So, I called one of my ls, and discovered that she turned into a materialistic, snobby, b!tch. I didn't know her before AKA, so she could have been like this all along, but she wasn't like this during or after. Has anyone else experienced this?

[AKA2D '91]

Originally posted by Sahara


I have a question:
One of my new year's resolutions was to get in touch with people that I've lost contact with over the years.

Soror, you and I are on the same page.

[SKEEphistAKAte]

Originally posted by Sahara

So, I called one of my ls, and discovered that she turned into a materialistic, snobby, b!tch.

When did you call me Soror Sahara?


* I couldn't resist it*

[Jody]

Sahara, she was probably like that before (and hiding it so Sorors would vote her in!)

[Ivy2Love]

Originally posted by Sahara
One of my new year's resolutions was to get in touch with people that I've lost contact with over the years. So, I called one of my ls, and discovered that she turned into a materialistic, snobby, b!tch. I didn't know her before AKA, so she could have been like this all along, but she wasn't like this during or after. Has anyone else experienced this?

Just bless and release her. There is a reason you are not in contact, and this could be it. As someone else said, your ls may have hidden those "characteristics" back then.

Be thankful you don't have to deal with her on the regular. That would be a bit much.

[ant1983]

I know people who have definitely changed after they have become greek. I remember when a couple of my friends were interested in a BGLO. They ended up making it in and go through the pledge process. Before they crossed they were real down to earth and real cool. Now they act like the biggest pimp or player and try to buy in to the fraternities stereotypes in which they did not identify with before they crossed. It seems like after you are done with your process you get caught in the new found so called "fame" and your forget the people who knew u before u became a black greek know the real you. I am interested in greek life I want to say I like what Black fraternities purposes and historical backgrounds but what they represent sometimes freighten me