How long would you wait until your SO popped the question?

[daffodils]

I was married at 23, a year after graduating from college. We stayed married for 13 years - about 10 years longer than we should have! If I had to do it over, I prolly would have waited. yes, we lived together for a year before the wedding, but it wasn't enough. and, we were not mature enough to weather all the storms....

That being said, I'm in a relationship now - fairly new relationship, less than 2 months old, but it's with someone I've known for 20 years. We were already discussing the "M" word two weeks into dating, b/c we've both grown up and matured a LOT and know what we want from life and from a partner/mate.

Have I got a ring? No. Does it matter? No. Do I feel we'll get married? Yes - and we'll prolly elope, since he's not big into all the pomp and pagentry of a big wedding, and it would be my 2nd go-round at it.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Originally Posted by ZTAMich

I just got engaged Saturday. While I def. feel I had pushed a bit to have the "where is this going" conversation I certainly stayed away from ultimatums, which I believe are HORRIBLE, and was just happy to know we were on the same page together. I was pretty content to let the relationship go forward and let him decide himself when to propose.

CONGRATULATIONS!

I agree that the "where is this going" conversation is different from an ultimatum which can backfire badly.

[bcdphie]

Originally Posted by ZTAngel

I agree 100%. I met my fiance when I was 20 years old. If we had done the 2 year rule, we would have been married as soon as we graduated college. NO WAY! I wasn't ready and neither was he. We had been dating for a little over 5 years when he proposed (this past April). We wanted to wait until we were older, financially stable and had lived together for a year (in other words, knew that we could put up with each other as roommates!).

This was exactly my situation. I was barely 20 when I started dating my husband, and at that point in time, marriage was the furthest thing from my mind. We dated for 6 years before getting engaged (maybe a little longer than I would have preferred). However, in Canada, we were still below the average age of marriage. I believe for women it is 30 (I was 27), and men 31-32 (my husband was 30).

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

And those are two totally different conversations - you do have the right to know where it's going.

I think many women who give ultimatums don't realize that he might not go along with it.

Absolutely. There's a huge difference between "are we serious or are you screwing someone else on the side, let me know so I can get tested," and "you marry me in a year or ELSE!" One is a trust and safety issue, the other is being just annoying.

I do think, however, if you've been together for years and there's not much going on in terms of moving forward, it may be time to throw down the gauntlet.

[PlymouthDZ]

I waited 5 years for my husband to propose - then again we met while I was still in high school.

[agzg]

My boyfriend and I just celebrated our two year mark yesterday. I can't, at this time, imagine getting engaged and married. Wait, let's back that up. I can imagine BEING engaged and married, but GETTING engaged and married, while we are currently in different cities and even different points in our lives, it's just not a possibility.

So we wait until we're both ready, regardless of how long it takes. I do believe that I had a time MINIMUM when we first started dating along the lines of "if you propose within the next two years I will look at you like you were a damned fool."

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by bcdphie

This was exactly my situation. I was barely 20 when I started dating my husband, and at that point in time, marriage was the furthest thing from my mind. We dated for 6 years before getting engaged (maybe a little longer than I would have preferred). However, in Canada, we were still below the average age of marriage. I believe for women it is 30 (I was 27), and men 31-32 (my husband was 30).

I got so much crap for waiting 6 years to propose.

Most of the people I know think 1 year is too long to wait.

[Jimmy Choo]

I don't think there is a time. I've been dating my bf for almost 7 yrs. As long as you know that your significant other is committed to you long term, that's all that matters.

[CutiePie2000]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

Because they're being busybody assholes, that's why. These are the same people who will start bugging you about popping out 100 babies during the first minute of your wedding reception. Really, you should feel happy that you're doing interesting things with your life and have better things to do than worry about when anybody else is getting engaged -- and sad for the people who have nothing better to do than ask you invasive questions about your personal life.

Because of this quote, and the one that you gave earlier in this thread, I would like to say that you are awesome. You should give advice like Dear Abby or Anne Landers (or Dan Savage...ha ha), but you would have a bit more "biting" language than the first 2, of course.

[_Opi_]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

So, if you were dating a guy, how long would you wait for him to pop the question? A couple of years, 4-5 years, forever?

Let's see:

when we're both stable: emotionally, financially, career-wise
when we're both mature enough to make a marriage work
when we're both ready to get married


I would weigh those factors rather than set a date. These things may take a while (0years to whenever).

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by CutiePie2000

Because of this quote, and the one that you gave earlier in this thread, I would like to say that you are awesome. You should give advice like Dear Abby or Anne Landers (or Dan Savage...ha ha), but you would have a bit more "biting" language than the first 2, of course.

Haha, thank you. YOU are awesome. I'd love to have an advice column somewhere -- I could discuss relationships and beer.

[LightBulb]

Originally Posted by LeslieAGD

I've been with my fiance for almost 3 years. We were engaged after one year and two months, and we are getting married on Saturday.

Congratulations!