Dual Memberships

[ch612]

Originally Posted by andthen

Ok we get that you're upset, but many alumnae members that are still active sorority members long after graduation will completely disagree with your point about without the collegiate experience you have a weak bond, if you have a bond at all. Unless you've done a survey of every alumnae member you shouldn't be generalizing. I can tell you that many of the ladies I know probably have stronger bonds with their alumnae chapter sisters, then they had with their own collegiate chapter sisters.

Unfortunately life isn't fair. I hope you won't be calling human resources if your daughter doesn't get the job that she was "dreaming about".

I will have to agree to disagree about the collegiate experience being a necessary component of a strong sorority bond, and your comment about obtaining a job was unnecessary and condescending.

Just because "life isn't fair" it does not mean we don't right the wrongs that we can. That is a beautiful part about being a strong woman with an open and compassionate heart.

On another note. I am sorry if I confused threads.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by andthen

Ok we get that you're upset, but many alumnae members that are still active sorority members long after graduation will completely disagree with your point about without the collegiate experience you have a weak bond, if you have a bond at all. Unless you've done a survey of every alumnae member you shouldn't be generalizing. I can tell you that many of the ladies I know probably have stronger bonds with their alumnae chapter sisters, then they had with their own collegiate chapter sisters.

Unfortunately life isn't fair. I hope you won't be calling human resources if your daughter doesn't get the job that she was "dreaming about".

Because sh*t happens during freshman year. Women drop out because of family circumstances. Women flunk out. Women drop out because of personal circumstances. Women transfer schools. (We're not changing the rules for them, either.)

Just because a woman leaves her chapter before the full 4 years is up, doesn't mean that a woman's sorority experience is wrecked. It just means it's going to be different than she imagined it. I bounced around a bit as an undergraduate. I only lived in my chapter's house for one semester. I was only there for 3 semesters. I still love my chapter and continue to participate in my sorority as an alumna.

Your daughter is now an alumna. She can make the best of it, or she can be bitter and miserable about it. Up to her. If I were her parent, though, I would encourage her to make the best of it and to get involved elsewhere on campus.

If it's THAT important, she can transfer schools to an active chapter that accepts affiliates. (Not all do. Depends on the campus.)

[AlwaysSAI]

Originally Posted by andthen

I can tell you that many of the ladies I know probably have stronger bonds with their alumnae chapter sisters, then they had with their own collegiate chapter sisters.

Cosign, because I am one of those women.

I am 1000% closer with my SAI alumnae sisters than I ever was with any collegiate sisters. And, on the flip side, I thought I would be BFFs with some Phi Sigs for ages - thought we'd never lose touch. And, we haven't talked in years. College experience =/= or define alumnae experience.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by ch612

Without the collegiate experience you have a weak bond, if you have a bond at all.

Although they closed more than a decade ago, we have a chapter in a similar situation - freshly initiated members, but the chapter was closed.
The women still in college stayed together via the local alumnae group. They had sisterhood events, they had a formal, they hung out together, they wore their jerseys and badges on campus. No, it wasn't the same, but those girls stayed close - in fact, they were probably closer because they were all going through the same thing. They remain close now.

[andthen]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

Although they closed more than a decade ago, we have a chapter in a similar situation - freshly initiated members, but the chapter was closed.
The women still in college stayed together via the local alumnae group. They had sisterhood events, they had a formal, they hung out together, they wore their jerseys and badges on campus. No, it wasn't the same, but those girls stayed close - in fact, they were probably closer because they were all going through the same thing. They remain close now.

Well said. Life is about what you make of it. In this situation the affected ladies made the best of a bad situation. We all have to make choices in life when dealt a bad set of cards. You can dwell on the fact that its not fair or right or whatever and allow dwelling on the situation to steal opportunities. Or you grieve the unfortunate situation, pick yourself and try and find a new path to fulfilling your goals.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by ch612

My daughter was initiated in mid November. In that time she was home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Her time as an initiated member was very limited. 3 weeks ago she called me very distraught that her sorority may get kicked off campus and now they have been. My daughter was a model initiate. She was very involved and she is now distraught. Why would a young woman who had so little time with her sorority not be given a chance with another sorority?

That is very disappointing.

However, she should be granted alumna status and will be able to continue to participate in the sorority as an alumna.

It's tough to not have the full college experience (formals and recruitment and all that), but it's not the end of the world. She can still be friends with her sisters and even room with them if she chooses. They can plan informal "sisterhood" events and outings to maintain connections and friendships. She can still wear letters and her badge. She can participate in ritual, when an active chapter or alumna chapter is holding ritual. She can still do philanthropy work with an alumna chapter. She can socialize with the alumna chapter.

[andthen]

Originally Posted by ch612

My daughter was initiated in mid November. In that time she was home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Her time as an initiated member was very limited. 3 weeks ago she called me very distraught that her sorority may get kicked off campus and now they have been. My daughter was a model initiate. She was very involved and she is now distraught. Why would a young woman who had so little time with her sorority not be given a chance with another sorority?

Although your daughter's situation is unfortunate, as others have said, the idea of sorority membership is not just 4 years but a lifetime. Unfortunately rules are rules and depending on the sorority your daughter was in its highly unlikely that she would be allowed to join another sorority.

So, my best advice is to give an ear to listen to her vent her frustration. But this is just one situation that you can't immediately fix. Kicking a group off campus is not a decision made in haste by those involved.

[LaneSig]

Just my 2 cents.

I think we all know what chapter the poster is talking about. I do wish that the sorority's officers had allowed the 62 member pledge class to continue as the active chapter and put the rest of the members on alumnae status. In my opinion, it is hardly fair to punish 62 new members for actions that older members committed over a year ago.

Off my soapbox.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by LaneSig

Just my 2 cents.

I think we all know what chapter the poster is talking about. I do wish that the sorority's officers had allowed the 62 member pledge class to continue as the active chapter and put the rest of the members on alumnae status. In my opinion, it is hardly fair to punish 62 new members for actions that older members committed over a year ago.

Off my soapbox.

It is a rotten situation and it's NOT fair. Sometimes you just have to roll with an unfair situation. The decision has been made. Nothing anyone says here is going to change it and there's a snowball's chance that the 1 NPC initiation per person rule is going to be changed. That rule exists for very good reasons.

[33girl]

I don't know what chapter this is.

And having seen the "let the pledges stay as the active chapter and kick the initares out" thing put into practice, I'll say that while it sounds good on paper, in reality probably all you're doing is postponing the closure another couple years. If nothing else, it makes their first experience with the sorority one of divided loyalties and that's a horrible foundation to build on.

ETA: I guess we're talking about Chi O at Penn State. In that case, I octuple my above assertion that LaneSig's idea wouldn't work.

[carnation]

Originally Posted by 33girl

ETA: I guess we're talking about Chi O at Penn State. In that case, I octuple my above assertion that LaneSig's idea wouldn't work.

Chi O waits a semester before they initiate their new members.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by carnation

Chi O waits a semester before they initiate their new members.

Well they had 62 pledges and just got closed, so that fit. If it's not them maybe the mom will let us know who it is.

[Cheerio]

Originally Posted by carnation

Chi O waits a semester before they initiate their new members.

Her use of the words "model initiate" brought the same NPC to mind.

[LaneSig]

^^ I understand and agree with both KDCat and 33girl's points. And, FWIW, I have stated this same opinion in the past with a couple of other closures. I can't help it; I'm a true Libra that wants everybody and situations balanced out.

I'm sure that the national office of this group did not take the closure lightly and probably has reasons that the public is not (and should not) be aware of.

[Sciencewoman]

I think the OP and her daughter have a right to be upset, and grieve. I was a fifth year senior when the chapter I transferred to/affiliated with was closed to due to low numbers. I felt badly for the younger women who had initiated that year. I also felt guilty for recruiting new members, knowing the writing was probably on the wall as far as the chapter's future was concerned. I will never forget sitting in the living room, listening to our International President share the bad news. It was awful. At that stage in your life, you're not thinking about long term alumnae involvement. My little and and another young member transferred schools and affiliated elsewhere.

At our Convention in 2012, I spoke with our then-International President about it, and told her I was there. We both had tears in our eyes remembering this occasion...because that was the worst part of her position. Frankly, I don't think too many women who experienced this kind of thing go on to be super active alumnae. It never affected my commitment to the Sorority, but there's no way around it:

this situation really does suck.