Cutting Legacies

[sugar and spice]

First of all, I'm sorry that happened to you. It can't be easy.

But the thing is, most girls who go through recruitment get cut by a group. Most girls get cut by a group that they really like . . . maybe not their favorite group, but a group they like nonetheless. And some girls do get cut by their favorite group. Some girls have the extremely painful experience of getting cut by every single sorority on their campus. And none of them ever find out why.

As difficult of an experience as that probably was for you, it's in the past and there's nothing you can do about it now. You're in another house, and you should be happy there. If you can't be happy there, you shouldn't be there at all -- there are probably other girls who would love to have a spot in the house. It seems to me like you are dwelling on this too much.

[AOII_LB93]

Sorority Belle,

Though I haven't posted on greek chat in a while, I thought that I would chime in on your post. I understand your hurt and anger, it sucks that as a legacy you were passed over. What you do need to look at is the fact that you are with an organization that obviously saw something in you that they treasure and hold to be important to their values and beliefs.

Instead of being as you put it "in some ways happy" with the organization that you chose to return to on bid day, why not give it your best and put 100% into it instead of wondering what life would have been like as a member of your mother/aunt/grandmother's organization. I doubt that your friends and mother would want you to continuously wonder "what if"? What ifs are one of the most damning and irritating things in the world. We all do it, I did too. What if I had chosen another organization, and not chosen to accept my bid from my house, would things have been different and my life in my fraternity and outside have been completely different? Probably. Overall though, I accept the organization that I joined and the friends that I have made through it as they have become some of my biggest supporters and cheerleaders when times were tough. As it turns out, I ended up in the right place after all. The organization that chose me, obviously knew it from the start, it just took a pledge period and some hard work on my part to see that for myself.

You may never know what would have happened, but think about the positives, what could happen, if you go into your organization with an open heart and mind.

[honeychile]

Originally posted by lauradav
Exlurker, most campuses have a rule in the Panhellenic Recruitment Rules that all chapters must include everyone who attends preference (or even invited to pref on some campuses) on their bid list. If the campus doesn't have that rule I would assume that the chapter could get permission from their org to not put the PNM on their list, but if the campus does have that rule I would assume they would have to get permission from their org and talk to the Greek Advisor about the best way to proceed under the Panhellenic rules.

To my knowledge, this was not a Panhellenic rule at my campus - in fact, I know of one poor woman (Jane Doe) who went to several Prefs without getting a bid before she was finally recruited for a new colony. As a chapter, we felt that an invitation to Pref meant that we would issue a bid to each woman, with the clause "unless she turned into a Lizzie Borden overnight". We were also quite disgusted as a chapter at the GLOs who preffed the woman I mentioned in the first paragraph but didn't offer her a bid. I can still remember driving by the one house after Pref, and seeing Jane Doe all excited, and then hearing the next day that the house where we had seen Jane only took 3 (out of 11) pledges. It just seemed demeaning.

Sorority Belle, I can understand your disappointment, yet since you have accepted the invitation to another GLO, I hope you give them a chance. Hell, I hope you do so well there that your kinfolk wonder why they weren't members of *your* GLO!!

Good luck to you -
honeychile

[KillarneyRose]

Originally posted by ToBeSororityGrl
I'm sorry if this may come off rude, but get over it! You pledged another sorority and unless you have not been initiated then maybe you should depledge but if you have it really makes me wonder. You should be happy where you are and so forth and if not I really question why you're still in the organization

If you have to preface a statement with "...this may come off (as) rude...", then it usually means that it DOES come off as rude and shouldn't be said.

Originally posted by Munchkin03
Maybe this would be more appropriate as a PM, but what was your sister at Cornell? I spent time on a Cornell exchange, and my roommate, along with about 10 other women, were members of different houses there. The system there seems to be a very strong one.

Hi Munchkin! My little sister is/was a Kappa at Cornell. She loved it there! Cornell is apparently very greek-oriented compared to the other Ivies.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

At my school, the sororities made every effort to bid legacies unless there was something terribly wrong with the rushee, not just that she didn't fit into the chapter. It was funny because each sorority at my school had its own personality. Occassionally, you would see a pledge who didn't fit the mold and usually she was a legacy.

[33girl]

sorority belle,

The best thing you can do for yourself and for all your female relatives is to make the most out of where you are now. Don't beat yourself up everyday wishing you were in XYZ - be proud and happy you are in ABC!

If you are unhappy with ABC and showing it, naturally your mom, grandma & aunt will keep being po'ed with XYZ. But if it becomes apparent over time that you have found your home - even if the letters are different - it will lessen the blow for all of them, and you. Believe me, it hurts them to be mad at something they have loved for so long - but until they're assured of your happiness, they probably will be.

[MoxieGrrl]

Just a general question about your sororities legacy policies....have you found them to be flexible? Much like kddani's school, we did not have many legacies come through recruitment. I was VP-M for 3 years and never had to make "that" phone call - Thank goodness! I do know that KD says if the girl is there for pref, she gets a bid. However, it seems that a lot of the cutting decisions can be made with the approval from your CPP or whoever. What have you found?

One of the plus points of having deferred recruitment with legacies....the few we did have come through either knew for sure they wanted us or didn't. If they didn't, they cut us. If they did and they just weren't a good match, we usually had enough evidence to make the case to our CPP that the girl was not a good match.

[ajuhdg]

You mothers are cracking me up! I just found out that I'm pregnant, and since then all my sisters have been telling me that they're going to fill out rec's to put in the babybook! (My husband is dead set that if it's a boy, he will be a Greek like him.) But, I've already had these thoughts of exactly what imsohappy was talking about. Swallowing that pill if they choose not to follow in your Greek footsteps! It just made me laugh, because I can say that I'll be happy and NOT mad, and hope that I'll be able to stick with it. I'm glad that others go through this all the time! Still, quite amusing! Thanks for sharing!

[MSKKG]

As heart-wrenching as having your legacy released from your GLO (especially your chapter), an equally hard pill to swallow is if your legacy cuts your GLO.

Barring granddaughters, the closest I came to a legacy was when my niece went through recruitment at Ole Miss. She cut the Kappas after Skit (there were some [blood] sisters that she didn't care for from our hometown in the chapter--actually, one of the sisters was rushing when my niece was and she assumed she would go Kappa--she was right.) My niece knew she wanted a certain GLO and they wanted her, so I just felt she could have gone to Kappa's Pref. Anything can happen though, so I guess it was better for her to include only the ones she would consider.

[FuzzieAlum]

I want to say that I would understand if my daughter was cut ... I'd like to think I would ... but when my younger sister rushed a few years back (it was informal - there was one NPC on campus at the time), she was the only rushee they didn't give a bid to. (They said they wanted to get to know her better - if that was really true, they would have invited her to lunch or something! Sorry, lame.) And I know I was POed at the sorority, which is one I have a generally high opinion of - how can they do this to her? Don't they know how great she is? Do I have to go out there and kick their collective azz? And this wasn't even my GLO!

So ... I can see where these feelings come from. Of course, one's behavior should still be kept within certain boundaries!

[shadokat]

sororitybelle--

I echo the sentiments of others who have said that you should review your decision if you are not yet initiated and make sure that your current sorority is for you. I'd be willing to bet with a wholehearted effort, you will come to love your sorority as much as your mother/aunts loved theirs. And then just think, when you have your own daughter one day, she will be a legacy to TWO groups, and you'll have a major role in that.

I also echo Killarney's statement of, if you have to say "this may be rude but...", then you should probably not say what you're thinking. That comment was just OUT of line!

[radioZTA]

I am terrified of the day that my daughter goes through Rush/Recruitment. But it's more about the fact that I don't want her to be hurt or disappointed than about her not being a Zeta.

Like all little girls, she wants to be just like her Mommy which for her means being a Zeta. I've told her that she doesn't have to be a Zeta and she started crying! (She thought I was telling her that I didn't want her to be a Zeta!) She is 6 and thinks that she should be a Zeta already.

I'd love for her to be in my GLO but it may not be a good fit for her on whatever campus she chooses. I just want her to be happy and I would never push her to be in a certain group, even mine, if it wasn't right for her. She'll find the place that she's meant to be, whether it is Zeta, another NPC or a local.

[lilkel244]

Yeah I understand the difficulty in legacies. There is two in my colony, but they were treated like every other sister. But on a different chapter on my campus (one knows for skinny blonde beautiful girls) they have a girl they call "the legacy" She is a heavyset, homely, not so amiable girl and while she is a sister, she is never treated as such from the chapter. Her mother and her aunt are both from the same organization and her grandmother was on national council for it. So she was given a bid, but never really got a sisterhood. They don't invite her to things such as formals and socials with fraternity and when questioned about her they are rude and tell you its because she is a legacy.....I am suprised she hasn't dissaffiliated or talked to her family members and done something about it yet.

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by ToBeSororityGrl
I'm sorry if this may come off rude, but get over it! You pledged another sorority and unless you have not been initiated then maybe you should depledge but if you have it really makes me wonder. You should be happy where you are and so forth and if not I really question why you're still in the organization

Like the very wise and mature GC ladies shadokat and Killarney Rose said, if you have to preface it, it's rude, and you probably don't need to say it.

I notice that your name is "ToBeSororityGirl." Are you in a group yet? Your perspective may change once you are in a sorority, and especially once you have become (or on the verge of becoming) an alumna. I don't even have a child yet (and won't for a while!), but I know I would be a little stunned if my own chapter did not give my daughter a bid; especially if I continue to contribute to the chapter. It's not simply "get over it." Maybe you'll understand one day.

[ToBeSororityGrl]

I'm sorry but why should she still dwell on this? Shouldn't she give her house a chance and try to love her house as much as her mother's, grandmother's house?

If she's not initiated yet and she still really wants her legacy house then maybe she should depledge and rush again and maybe they'll see that she is awesome.

It just seems to me if she's still dwelling on this issue after she has been initiated there isn't really anything she can do?