Rush at UCSC

[Optimist Prime]

I agree with JAM. If you want some advice on what to when overwhellmed I would be happy to help. First, try meditation/prayer/whatever connects you to deal with stress, like a long walk by yourself or bikeride, &c. Also, you might read a favorite story that inspires you. When I feel down I read about heroic deeds like from the Knights of the Round Table or the story of James Michael Holland, the savior of our fraternity. I hope this unsolisted advice doesn't come off as being pushy. I can pm you some more stuff if you'd like.

[wishinhopin]

Thank you so much. And of course you're not being pushy optimist prime! Alright, I'm going to try to provide some background info. To a certain extent I'm scared to share things just because I don't want my stupid mistake to affect anything that NBO is attempting to do right now. Basically, the only two potential new members we had with us at DOC were two girls (my age- second year students I mean) who are already my friends. Besides that, I have already gone to parties with them and hung out with them, and we've seen eachother at our worst already. So I didn't feel like I specifically needed to impress them that much. But, regardless of that fact, I should have been more aware of my behavior. Essential our rush (recruitment) event became more like a party than an event, and that didn't look good for us. I should have stopped it or not been so...participatory, but I can't change that now. I'm going to call the DOC president on Monday and just let him know that I'm sorry things got out of hand, and I hope that my specific behavior won't make them think that this is representative of me or NBO as a whole. I don't think the guys were really concerned- I mean, they were having fun, it's not like we invaded their house and they were all anxious for us to leave- but it's important to me that our reputation is thought well of, especially in the beginning. So anyway. This brought up a whole host of other issues, most of which we discussed last night. We've decided that we need a stronger, clearer (as in explicitly clear) constitution and set of goals or objectives. Creating this document is a little overwhelming for us. I suggested we ask Mariko for help, but some of my girls feel like we've been leaning on her too much and they think we can do things independently. I pointed out that if we can do things independently (and do them well) then we wouldn't be having the exact problems we were discussing. Thus, our resolution is to get help creating the constitution and whatnot, and from then on out try to handle our problems on our own. We've also been having some concerns about going national. Part of their concern is that going national will take away some of our individuality, and I think they think that I'm too set on going national at all. I explained to them that I founded NBO with the intent of being an NPC sorority, and plus, I really crave someone (like an advisor or alum or whole organization) above us that we can turn to for help. I don't know what I'm doing any more than they do half the time, and so it's difficult. We decided to see the presentations that sororities offer us, and then go from there. I think they were concerned that the national sororities that came to campus wouldn't fit with our goals or plans, but I would be all obsessed with affiliating and want to proceed with an organization that didn't fit our needs or wants wel. But I don't think that a lifetime membership is something to be toyed with, and so I promised them that if things didn't feel like an excellent match, we wouldn't even consider affiliating. Also, this is an issue that came up. I happen to be the only white girl in my sorority. We only have seven members, so it's not a huge deal. But sometimes the racial makeup of our group does affect things. Some of the girls were saying that they were worried about affiliating with an NPC sorority, because what if we go to like a conference or to visit other chapters or something and they're the only non-white girls. They were thinking that maybe a multicultural statewide organization would be better for us. I explained to them that it would be the same way for me then, because in general (from what I've seen of the organizations we're refering to) multi-cultural doesn't mean white. So it's this wierd issue that no one thinks should be an issue but is. It's also frustrating because I took alot of care to choose organizations that had an emphasis on bringing together people from different backgrounds, or those who didn't just feature white girls on their websites, etc. So I'm not sure how all of that will play out. I didn't even realize that it could be an issue I guess, but I think sometimes I feel left out just because of stuff like this. Like, last night, everyone was having this conversation about their heritage and how they're so proud of it, and who's mom and dad came from where, and Mexicana traditions, and I was just sorta...there. Sometimes when some of them get really excited they speak in Spanish and then I have no clue what's going on. This doesn't happen all the time, and if I express myself it stops, but on the other hand, I don't want my sisters to stop having a passionate and important discussion just because my cultural heritage is alot more boring than theirs. I mean, I have background, and I'm proud of my relatives coming from Ireland and all of that, but I don't feel like I can participate sometimes when they're talking about how hard things have been for their families, or how proud they are of these aspects of their culture (ie language or traditions) that their family hangs on to. I haven't experienced alot of that, so I don't have a whole lot to say, but again, I want them to feel comfy talking about things that are obviously important and worthwhile. So I guess I just feel insecure about my place with them sometimes, and that factors out into other things. We also decided to arrange our meetings by Robert's Rules of Order. We need a whole lot more structure, and this seems like the best way to do it. Hopefully this revising of our constitution will help us to also know exactly what everyone's job is, and so no one will be as confused as to who is supposed to do what. I told them that I feel like we divided everyone up for positions and everything because we felt that each person was capable of making independent decisions. Thus, it's hard for me when everything comes back to me to be on top of. But they also pointed out that they don't know what they're doing anymore than I do, so they turn to me because I'm the president and I take on alot of responsibility, and that's who you're supposed to turn to when you have problems or questions. I think my frustration with them always wanting me to help them with everything stems in part from me being frustrated with myself for not being able to help them as much as I feel I should be able to. I think that sort of thing only comes with time though. It's also hard because all of my other non-sorority friends are really supportive. I mean, they're proud of me and what NBO has accomplished, but they don't believe in having sororities or fraternities for one reason or another (lame reasons in my opinion, but to each their own) so it's hard. And when I get frustrated with sorority stuff, I vent to them, and I don't think that's necessarily right. I think that our problems should stay private, but on the other hand, I desperately need to talk things out with less biased people to get an understanding of what's actually happening. All in all, I'm overwhelmed. I think that this really was the lowest we have been, and I do feel a whole lot better now that we've talked so many things through. Something was just off with us, and I feel like now we have some more of the tools to make things on again. Sorry this is like the longest post on earth, and any suggestions or thoughts are DEFINITELY appreciated. More after tonight's event.
love, Corina

[AXOLiz]

Corina,

I haven't posted yet, but your story is amazing and you've been doing a wonderful job!! I wanted to address the issue of being a multicultural group in an NPC sorority. I'm (obviously) part of a large national organization, and our chapter is very diverse. We have members from all backgrounds and nationalities, and a lot of that is because we have a very diverse campus. Our girls definitely don't fit the stereotypical sorority girl image (I go to a big research school - we're all nerds at heart ), but we've been welcomed with open arms by all the other chapters that any of us have visited, and whenever I run into a fellow sister, none of that physical stuff matters when compared to the bond we share. While your chapter may have the only girls from different ethnicities (which I doubt would be the case) when you someday go to a national convention, everyone's so excited to meet new sisters that it'll probably be the last thing on their minds.

Also, if you need help writing a constitution, let me know, I can look over what you have and give you suggestions. I was our standards person before the new officers were elected, so I know our governing documents really well. Keep up the awesome work, and don't worry about whatever happened at the rush event, all officers have lapses in judgment, just take it as a learning experience and move on. All your other accomplishments completely outshine whatever it was that happened, I'm sure.

Liz

[Dionysus]

Someone has to give in.

Multi-cultural DOES include white. It's just a myth that it doesn't. I was in a MC sorority for a little while, about 1/3 of the colony was white.
Also, a non-greek MC organization on our campus has white people.

Also, I've seen a few NPC chapters where the majority is Asian and/or Hispanic and LOTS of IFCs.

Judging from I just read I believe that your organization will do better if it goes MC, rather than NPC.

What are the demographics like on your campus?
That can be a very important factor.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I think that you really need to talk with your sisters and get on the same page about what you want from a sorority NPC or MCGLO. Good luck!

[wishinhopin]

Hi everyone. I'm feeling alot better. We planned another meeting for tonight, and I think what I'm going to suggest is that they look into some multi-cultural GLOs so we can see what they're all about. I have to admit, I'm not as open to the idea as I could be. I want to be in an NPC sorority, that's been my dream for as long as I've been posting here. I never wanted to stay local at all. But I know that I have to be openminded, and dreams do change, so maybe something else will work out for the better. I think that's the least I can do considering that my girls who don't feel so strongly about NPC are willing to be openminded about everything. I truly feel that we can and will find a match that we love, but if not, maybe different avenues are the way to go. Beyond this, I just called the president of DOC. I apologized for Wednesday night, and he was totally like no, don't apologize, we all had a good time and we've of course seen sooooo much worse. He also complimented us on accomplishing so much in such a small period of time, and for being chill and cool. I explained to him that, since we're so new, we're trying to establish a reputation, and the one we portrayed (me especially) is not our standard and I hoped they wouldn't regard NBO negatively considering what had happened. He was definitely saying it wasn't a big deal. I know it's still a big deal for NBO, but I'm glad it wasn't a huge thing to DOC- they even want to do more stuff with us, so that's good. But this is a wierd thing that I've been too stressed to get into- on Wednesday, Alpha Psi (the other local org as I'm sure you all know) knew that we were going to be at the DOC house. They came by and toilet papered the house twice! I guess their whole motto is "Here Comes Trouble" (it says that on their rush flyers and they were yelling that on Wednesday night). Wierd huh? The president of DOC was talking about how that was so childish and immature, he was pretty upset. I can't decide if that was because we were there or not- but either way, they knew we were there and I think it was kinda rude. But whatever, I'm not particularly concerned about it. I have bigger things to be concerned with. We're meeting tonight to discuss who we're interested in accepting as a sister (it looks like we're going to take two women, which I feel is a good number for us right now), and what some of our new policies and whatnot will be. Any help in this new constitution creating would be totally appreciated! Thoughts, comments, suggestions?
love, Corina

[FuzzieAlum]

Sounds like things are good!

Just one suggestion: Don't limit yourself to two girls if there are more that the majority of you think would be great sisters. Obviously 50 girls or something would overwhelm all of you, but if there are three terrific women, don't turn down one just to get the right number!

[wishinhopin]

Should I not have posted the thing about Alpha Psi? I know it's gossip but they did something and they were proud enough to scream their name and slogan while they did it, so I'm not feeling too bad about writing about it here. But if anyone thinks I should remove that part I will.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I don't know if you should remove the name. Is there anyone else from your school on GC? If that's the case, then maybe you should. I'm not sure.
You seem to be feeling better. I found that if anything goes awry with your sorority and another org., just apologize once and let it go. Don't draw more attention to a very minor mistake by apologizing over and over. Just let it go. Don't worry so much and enjoy your NBO experience.

[justamom]

Cream, you always have such calm and soothing advice. You are so right-Corina...it's time to start enjoying the experience. You are in the midst of a real "happening". Don't let the worries block your view.

[mmcat]

i echo jam on this one.
your advice cream is excellent.
corina it's time for you to start having fun..
so you slipped up at a party...
don't stress...
on the plus, it sounds like you have the beginnings of a relationship with the fraternity. see if you can set another social soon and build on it.
the teepee action is a bit much.
but roll with it.
you are so close, my friend.
mmcat

[maggieaxid]

Ok, I have a question, I went to a school where all the sororities were NPC. What is the difference between NPC or NPHC and MCGLO? All of our GLO's on campus had people from different races, ethnic backgrounds and religions. Some of the BGLO's had caucasion, asians, and latino members, as well as the NPC GLO's had both african americans, latinos, and asians. What is the difference in being a MCGLO?

Personnally, I think its what the organization stands for and the values and personalities of the people who are in it more than weather its NPC, NPHC, or MC. But thats just my 2 cents.

-Maggie

[ZTAngel]

I agree maggieaxid. At my school, we have NPC, NIC, and NPHC. There is not a single greek organization that has members of just one race. A friend of mine is white and a member of a NPHC sorority while in my own sorority we have people who are from all kinds of backgrounds...white, black, hispanic, asian. Every single one of these organizations has a unique mix of members. I think it's what you make of the organization, not what the organization makes of you.

[dzsaigirl]

At my school, the NPC sororities have by far the most variety of ethnic backgrounds.

[KRXAlum]

Wishinhopin -
I have been following along with this thread since you first posted and I must say, you are taking on a lot and doing a great job!!!!!!!
I hope you (or anyone here for that matter) does not mind my saying this, but please, during all this running around, stop and remember why you started this sorority...
You wanted to create something where women could come together, feel united and feel like sisters, correct???
I know being part of the NPC is very important to you, but also try to remember that, in the end, its your sisters that matter, not certain letters you are wearing.
Whether you're part of an NPC, NIC, MC, Local, etc. what is most important is that you feel a connection with the women you are with and that you are proud of what your organization stands for.
As a (now alumni) of a local sorority, I know sometimes things can be hard, but it doesn't mean it will be easier once you go national. PLEASE understand, I am not saying one is better than the other. I think locals and nationals both have positives and negatives.
What I am saying is that what is most important is focusing on the bonds with your sisters. Maybe NBO will become national. If it does, CONGRATS! Maybe you will stay local for a while, or stay local forever, again, either way CONGRATS!
What I think is most important is that you are part of a sisterhood and part of Greek life. Afterall, that's all you ever wanted, right?
I hope you (or anyone else) is not offended by my post. Again, all l I am is saying is that it isn't what letters you wear, as long as you are proud of them and always respect them.