Book pledged: the secret lives of sororities

[angelove]

This book was selected for the May meeting of a new book club I've joined. It's sort of out of character for this group - we usually read Oprah-style novels - but the book club consists of mostly non-Greek women. (I wasn't there when the group selected it - after reading all the comments on this board, I would have vehemently objected.)

So I'm halfway through, and my husband is wondering why I keep getting so agitated reading this book. Maybe I'm just naive or things were different in the mid- to late-80's on my campus and in my chapter, but please - "Drug rooms"? Guys staying overnight? Any NPC that found out about a "drug room" (and trust me, they would find out) would yank a charter immediately. And guys couldn't get upstairs any time of the day, much less stay overnight. (My boyfriend never saw my room the three years I lived in the house.) Again, the intrachapter policing network would be reporting the offender quicker than you could blink an eye.

I think she's focusing on the scandalous parts (hey, she's got to sell books - no one would watch a show called "Having a Lovely Dinner and the City") and just skimming over the stuff that I always thought was fun - socials/mixers, candlelights, big/lil sis, etc.

I do find the dearth of footnotes and citations to other sources rather interesting. And has anyone else noticed that when she cites "studies," she cites to obscure texts or articles that are impossible to find, even on the internet?

I am looking forward to correcting all of her errors for the non-Greeks at my book club.

[James]

Angelove,

I think some people are reading into stuff. Drug room gets a lot of news play, but its like three sentences in the book. A room with a bong in it where the members like to hang out and smoke is a "drug room" or could be called such.

I have been to friends' chapter houses where they were like thats the "druggie room" the room where a big stoner lives and a lot of the brothers like to go hang out.

I know enough sorority girls that smoke pot, have done ecstasy, coke etc to make it real plausible.

I know a girl that was expelled from a Florida ZTA chapter along with some of her sisters for too much partying . .. .

We have had whole threads on here discussing Shacking and girls admitting that boys could come up and shack at their houses despite the rules.

Also the bulk of the book is taken up by mixers, exchanged, candlepasses, formals, Bigs and littles. She just disparages this because she believes that sororities have created a culture that revolves around and is defined somewhat by their relationship with men. And she has a point, I just don't agree that is a bad thing.

As far as source material, her endnotes are pretty extensive.

Originally posted by angelove
This book was selected for the May meeting of a new book club I've joined. It's sort of out of character for this group - we usually read Oprah-style novels - but the book club consists of mostly non-Greek women. (I wasn't there when the group selected it - after reading all the comments on this board, I would have vehemently objected.)

So I'm halfway through, and my husband is wondering why I keep getting so agitated reading this book. Maybe I'm just naive or things were different in the mid- to late-80's on my campus and in my chapter, but please - "Drug rooms"? Guys staying overnight? Any NPC that found out about a "drug room" (and trust me, they would find out) would yank a charter immediately. And guys couldn't get upstairs any time of the day, much less stay overnight. (My boyfriend never saw my room the three years I lived in the house.) Again, the intrachapter policing network would be reporting the offender quicker than you could blink an eye.

I think she's focusing on the scandalous parts (hey, she's got to sell books - no one would watch a show called "Having a Lovely Dinner and the City") and just skimming over the stuff that I always thought was fun - socials/mixers, candlelights, big/lil sis, etc.

I do find the dearth of footnotes and citations to other sources rather interesting. And has anyone else noticed that when she cites "studies," she cites to obscure texts or articles that are impossible to find, even on the internet?

I am looking forward to correcting all of her errors for the non-Greeks at my book club.

[valkyrie]

Originally posted by James
She just disparages this because she believes that sororities have created a culture that revolves around and is defined somewhat by their relationship with men. And she has a point, I just don't agree that is a bad thing.

I haven't read the book, but I agree with this point. Just from reading GC I'm amazed by how much emphasis sororities put on dating and relationships -- from the candle passes to date parties and formals. I know there is also an emphasis on scholarship and philanthropy, but more often than not that's not what I hear about -- I hear about women who are upset that they don't have a date for this or that, or that their date is being an ass, or that they want a candle pass of their own -- and frankly I do think it's a problem.

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by valkyrie
Just from reading GC I'm amazed by how much emphasis sororities put on dating and relationships -- from the candle passes to date parties and formals...I hear about women who are upset that they don't have a date for this or that, or that their date is being an ass, or that they want a candle pass of their own -- and frankly I do think it's a problem.

There is a HUGE emphasis on dating and relationships, even in my chapter that never did a candle pass, had really lax rules, and had more women graduating magna cum laude than with an MRS. I can only begin to imagine what it's like in those "traditional" chapters some GCs love to fawn over.

Originally posted by angelove
And guys couldn't get upstairs any time of the day, much less stay overnight. (My boyfriend never saw my room the three years I lived in the house.)

Not true for every NPC chapter with housing.

[James]

Some of her suggestions were not all that bad.

She thought that national's should put less pressure on chapters to keep numbers up. And not close chapters just because they fell below a certain amount. Her point was that even ten sisters can have a strong bond.

She also thought that national's and chapters should be less judgemental and should stop expelling girls because they don't totally conform to proper lady like behavior. In the cases of excessive drinking etc. Her point was that if it was truly asisterhood than maybe you should be more interested in elping someone than getting rid of them.

[AchtungBaby80]

Originally posted by valkyrie
I hear about women who are upset that they don't have a date for this or that, or that their date is being an ass, or that they want a candle pass of their own -- and frankly I do think it's a problem.

What's wrong with wanting a candle pass? I can see there being a problem if you're thought of as "uncool" if you don't ever get one, but just wanting one is the same as wanting, say, a new pair of shoes.

As for not having a date to functions...my sorority sisters never made me feel like a loser for not having one (and I went without quite often because I had a long-distance guy), but going somewhere is so much more fun when you have someone to dance the slow songs with. I like dancing with my friends, too, but I also like meeting people and being "forced" to find a date can help you meet a lot of people.

[Taualumna]

You know, even GDIs have that "date" issue. My university often had "smokers" before formals just so people could find dates.

[33girl]

Originally posted by AchtungBaby80
What's wrong with wanting a candle pass? I can see there being a problem if you're thought of as "uncool" if you don't ever get one, but just wanting one is the same as wanting, say, a new pair of shoes.

As for not having a date to functions...my sorority sisters never made me feel like a loser for not having one (and I went without quite often because I had a long-distance guy), but going somewhere is so much more fun when you have someone to dance the slow songs with. I like dancing with my friends, too, but I also like meeting people and being "forced" to find a date can help you meet a lot of people.

Totally agree with this post. I won't say I DIDN'T want a candle pass, but not for the ceremony...but because I wanted a boyfriend I loved and who loved me. I would have felt that way whether I was in a sorority or not.

Every single formal I went to had sisters who went solo or with another sister as their "date" - I think enough people had been through bad proms with dates who were jerks that they learned their lesson. I had sisters as dates, dates I was madly in love with, dates who were like brothers and dates who I met when they walked in the door. I still had a blast at every formal I went to because I was with the most fun people I know - my sisters.

My point is, if you're made to feel like a loser because you didn't have a candlepass or didn't have the perfect date from the right fraternity for your formal, that's a CHAPTER problem, and you should probably try to find less shallow sisters rather than blaming it on a harmless ceremony.

[ISUKappa]

Originally posted by James
...
Also the bulk of the book is taken up by mixers, exchanged, candlepasses, formals, Bigs and littles. She just disparages this because she believes that sororities have created a culture that revolves around and is defined somewhat by their relationship with men. ...

Again, this is really a college thing moreso than just a sorority thing. And, actually, I don't even think it's a college thing, I think it's a life thing. When you get a group of 18-23-year-old women together, a good part of that talk is going to be about relationships because that's what's important to the many of those women at this time in their lives. I think it's another example of her lack of understanding female relationships.

[angelove]

Still not finished, and still somewhat angry about the outright misrepresentations, but here are some more contrasts with my actual experience:

-Back in the olden days when "little sisters" were officially recognized organizations, they were not sex slaves, nor did they have to sleep with a certain number of brothers to become initiated, nor were the little sisters an easy (no pun intended) source of dates for the brothers. In fact, most of us found it easier not to date brothers of the fraternity in which we were little sisters - too messy if things didn't work out.

-The author quotes unofficial rush guides and generally-published sorority books and makes it appear that they are actually national rules of a sorority. For instance, when she makes the list re: don't have sex, don't dress like a slut, etc., she makes it appear as if those are actual sorority rules, when it's just an unofficial guide from the 80's that's probably out of print (and one that I don't remember ever seeing back then). For people who aren't geeks like me, they won't get that information without reading the endnotes.

-She gives outdated information but makes it appear that it still happens today. She quotes Maryln Schwarz's humor/comedy book about Southern women as a source for her assertion that alumnae send gifts to promote certain rushees. This is another one of those rules that is strictly enforced by individual chapters, nationals, and college panhels.

-speaking of enforcment, other posters have pointed out that guys go upstairs anyway and sisters do drugs in the house. Again, my experience was that if this happened, a sister would get hauled before the chapter's version of a disciplinary committee very quickly. I read last night about the "enforcer" types in the chapter who worked to enforce 1950's type standards imposed by nationals, and I can assure you our chapter had plenty of these. (Somehow it didn't keep us from being known as a fun chapter on campus.) A lot of the things that the author discusses in her book simply wouldn't have happened with all of these enforcer-types around. I do like the author's point that nationals and alumnae have different perceptions of how the girls in each chapter should represent the sorority, and that those perceptions are often unrealistic and inconsistent with the stated goals of the sorority. What is "moral" in this decade may not be the same as the ideals of "morality" at the time the founders wrote the goals.

-I also agree with the author's point that GLOs should do more community service rather than raising funds, although funding is an important aspect as well. We complain that we only make the news when something bad happens, but maybe we aren't doing enough newsworthy events for the good of the community. (In college towns, the last little feel-good clip on the nightly news should be something like "The Alpha Betas and Psi Omegas took turns reading to kindergarten students today in Collegeville's poorest neighborhood ...")

-I haven't read this part yet, but I did skim ahead to see if she revealed any of my sorority's secrets or rituals. She was dead wrong on some of them (thank goodness!)

-Finally, I disagree with James that the endnotes are sufficient. Even if you omit the sections based on her "observations" and "interviews," many sources (not those that need to be confidential) are missing for a number of her assertions.

I'll finish this weekend ... this thread is a good prelude for my book club.

[Lil' Hannah]

I'm about 100 pages into the book. A huge question I have - How does she have so many exact quotes from these girls if she was just trying to blend in like a friend? A tape recorder, maybe, but she's got actual quotes from when someone (Amy and Spencer?) were hooking up IN SPENCER'S BEDROOM. How on earth would she have direct quotes from that?

Also, I notice that she takes a lot of things that are true about sororities, but sort of uses them out of context. One thing that stuck out was when she was talking about live-in requirements, and she says "In order to maintain the house, the sorority needs a certain quota of girls who will pay extra for the room and board. If chapters don't fill quota, Nationals have been known to shut them down." (107-108) I have never heard of an EO shutting a chapter down because they couldn't fill the house. Wouldn't they just have to give up their house? I've heard of charters getting revoked for low numbers, but not for not being able to fill the house. I just feel like she took the "not making quota" thing out of context.

Anyway I'm excited to read more on my lunch break...

[TheEpitome1920]

I have ordered the book so I can see what all the hub bub is about. Has NPC released a statement about this?

[shadokat]

All I have left to read is the conclusion. I read the book in 4 days of trolley/subway rides to and from work, so it's definitely light. While I agree that a lot of this is "accurate" in that yes, there are bitchy girls, yes people smoke and drink, etc., she focuses on it as a sorority behavior, when I don't believe that to be true. And the way she glorifies the BGLOs with the step show, as a comparison to a Greek Week Lip Sync, well, it's like apples and oranges.

I agree with Hootie in that who can say whether this is all true or made up or whatever. I do find it interesting that in one section, she talks about Sabrina being African American in a white sorority, and how one girl's school did a Busta Rhymes skit and painted their faces black...in high school. And Sabrina got all offended and left, which I believe MAY happen, but isn't it convenient that story ended up in the book with all that is going on in the greek world with the same issue. Some stuff just seems far fetched.

[aabby757]

Can I start a new thread on this topic alone? If there is already one, I couldn't find it.

Any guesses based on facts on what school these sororities are in? And what sororities they actually are? And why?

[decadence]

Can I start a new thread on this topic alone?

No.

Any guesses based on facts on what school these sororities are in? And what sororities they actually are? And why?

Yes; there've been far too many. Why the hyperzealous interest? Do you want to 'out' the girls and their sorority? Perhaps get their girls' affiliation yanked and chapters charter pulled?

Oh well. Go have a look at link a) and link b). Plenty of guesses there, in amongst the pages.