The "Sorority Type."

Hey everyone! I'm new to GC, but before I wrote this post, I did search for related material on the forums, but came up with nothing.

So...here goes.

I have always been considered "quirky" by my classmates and family. I'm usually that one girl that has a bunch of guy friends, wears Tripp pants, has tattoos and piercings, plays video games, and talks about computers. Needless to say, I never had very many girl friends (found them too catty and uninteresting), and DEFINITELY wasn't considered "the sorority type."

My freshman year of college, I decided to go through Fall Rush. The only reason I can recall ever doing it, regardless of my preconceived notions and previous experience with other females, was because I wanted to experience EVERYTHING that College had to offer, for I didn't want to get older, graduate, and regret not at least trying it. As a bonus, I wanted to see what Sorority Life was really like, and not just base my opinions on things I've seen and heard. Kudos to me? :P

So...I rushed, I got a bid, accepted it, pledged, was initiated, and was SO EXCITED because it seemed like my sorority actually accepted and embraced my "quirkiness"...even saw MORE to me than just that-- they saw that I was a natural leader, ruthlessly passionate, and very family- and community-oriented. I enjoyed it immensely....I even enjoyed telling my old classmates that I was in a sorority, just to hear them say "YOU?! NO WAY!! I NEVER thought you'd be one to do that!!" I'm not exactly sure why...but I think it gave me pleasure knowing that I can and will do whatever I set my mind to, regardless of others' preconceived notions and expectations of me.

I LOVED my sorority.

To spare yall the lengthy, drawn out version of the story, the end result was my withdrawal. Even though it was for medical reasons (having major surgery next month and expected time for full recovery is uncertain), the fact that I ended up feeling tolerated (not ignored, not isolated....just tolerated), my big and I never spoke (regardless of the many times I tried to go out to lunch with her), and felt that sorority events was more like a JOB than a LOVE, I thought that sorority life just wasnt for me and I should just cut my losses.

It's been about a month since I dropped, and I'm having serious regrets. Everywhere I look around me, I'm reminded of my sorority life-- my jersey, my Big/Lil Revealment presents, my Composite, even my screen saver has my sorority's motto on it from when I first joined and put it on there. I get on facebook, and I'm constantly seeing sisters adding photos of this past Fall Recruitment, my pledge class's new Littles, and everyone going skating on Bid Day. I miss having all that......

After much reflection, I've realized that I never REALLY gave sorority life a chance. I evaded as many events as possible, had a crappy time when I did go (because I didnt want to be there...at the time, I was smack dead in the middle of my "lost in college and partying" phase), was kinda quiet when I was around my sisters, and never really opened up to them, or gave them the chance to open up to me. Now that I feel like I have my head back on my shoulders steadily and I'm out of my frequent partying phase, should I try to rejoin after I'm fully recovered from my surgery? I think about it almost every single day, and I can't decide whether it would be a great idea to really give it a shot, or just a waste of time?


Sorry this was kinda long, but thanks so much in advance!!

[SoCalGirl]

Whether or not you can rejoin will depend on your status with your group. I would suggest contacting your national hq and your chapter directly to ask what your status is and are you eligible to rejoin. I assume you were financially current so it could just be a matter of paperwork and a chapter vote. You should start reaching out to your sisters now. Don't wait till your recovered. Nurturing those relationships now can help with your recovery and your shot at being reinstated.

Glad you brought up Status. I forgot to mention that.

For the record and clarification, I AM eligible for Reinstatement of my Sorority, and yeah it's just a matter of paperwork and chapter vote. I have a zero balance...and basically a completely blank slate...except for a few friendships that need rekindling.

Hope that clears some things up

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by prettyk8machine

Glad you brought up Status. I forgot to mention that.

For the record and clarification, I AM eligible for Reinstatement of my Sorority, and yeah it's just a matter of paperwork and chapter vote. I have a zero balance...and basically a completely blank slate...except for a few friendships that need rekindling.

Hope that clears some things up

If you are SERIOUS about giving it a chance, go back to them, explain that your medical condition needed to be your top priority but that now you really want to come back. If you aren't so sure that you'd stick with it, don't bother. By going back, you are asking these women to give you a chance to prove yourself. If you aren't ready to do that, then don't tell them that you are. They most likely will not be interested in taking you back if you aren't sure that you will be a committed, active member of their group.

[violetpretty]

When we say "withdrawl" in my chapter, we mean a permanent severance of ties between the member and the organization. Pin and membership certificate turned in, no coming back.

Since you mentioned a medical condition, did you drop out of school? In my sorority, if you leave your University for any reason (health, finance, transfer), you become an alum and are eligible for (but not required to seek) reinstatement when you return.

I'm not sure how you're eligible for reinstatement, unless this is a case of word choice or a lag in paperwork. Your sorority may have different membership policies than my own. If you are eligible to rejoin to and serious about it, contact the chapter president and the chapter advisor ASAP.

One of the best pieces of advice I can give someone who doesn't quite feel like they fit is to remember that you have X number of NM classes coming, sisters you haven't met yet. NMs are usually very receptive to anyone that reaches out to them, and you might find that you become closest with members of younger NM classes.

If you're willing to put in the effort to find your niche in the chapter, and know that you can balance it with school and your medical condition, do it. If you're planning to just show up and everything will be rosy again, you will probably feel isolated again. Friendships do take work.

I love your username BTW.

Originally Posted by violetpretty

When we say "withdrawl" in my chapter, we mean a permanent severance of ties between the member and the organization. Pin and membership certificate turned in, no coming back.

Since you mentioned a medical condition, did you drop out of school? In my sorority, if you leave your University for any reason (health, finance, transfer), you become an alum and are eligible for (but not required to seek) reinstatement when you return.
...
One of the best pieces of advice I can give someone who doesn't quite feel like they fit is to remember that you have X number of NM classes coming, sisters you haven't met yet. NMs are usually very receptive to anyone that reaches out to them, and you might find that you become closest with members of younger NM classes.

If you're willing to put in the effort to find your niche in the chapter, and know that you can balance it with school and your medical condition, do it. If you're planning to just show up and everything will be rosy again, you will probably feel isolated again. Friendships do take work.

I love your username BTW.

I had talked extensively with my advisor, chapter president, and even made a call to our CPO to talk to her about the situation. It was unanimous that a Withdrawal with possible reinstatement would be a better choice than Leave of Absence, since we do not know how long recovery will take, and since I would not be able to make it to Recruitment and Bid Day (which would have been a HELL of a lot of money to pay, on top of National Fees and Medical Bills ) . Because of this medical and financial situation, I did take a semester off of school, but for some reason, I was not eligible to go Alum, so my ONLY choices were LOA or Withdraw. If money wasn't an issue, I would have taken the LOA. Since it was, I had to Withdraw....even if it's only temporary.

And since everyone in my chapter is aware that my Withdrawal is for Medical and Financial reasons, and they have stressed that they would like me to start coming back around when I'm recovering. Which brings me to another part in your reply...

Your point about the NM's is a good one; I hadn't thought about that! And I don't expect things to be rosy again when I come back, since things we'rent very "rosy" to begin with. It IS going to take some work, but the way I've been feeling, I'm willing to put that work into it, and really prove myself to my Sorority.

LOL....My sorority kinda feels like my boyfriend right now....I love it, and I REALLY want to make it work, but I know it's gonna take time, patience, and effort for anything to change

And thanks for the comment about my username! It's actually my Roller Derby name for MRD and my on-campus Roller Derby organization

[AGDee]

My sister-mother (our version of Big Sis) told me early on "You will get out of this what you put into it". I have put my heart and soul into it and in April, I will be celebrating my 25th anniversary as an Alpha Gam. In those 25 years, I have held some sort of office (chapter, alum chapter, advisor, regional/national) every single year and I have received back the most amazing sisterhood ever. Definitely give it your all. I think you'll see very different results.

Originally Posted by AGDee

My sister-mother (our version of Big Sis) told me early on "You will get out of this what you put into it". I have put my heart and soul into it and in April, I will be celebrating my 25th anniversary as an Alpha Gam. In those 25 years, I have held some sort of office (chapter, alum chapter, advisor, regional/national) every single year and I have received back the most amazing sisterhood ever. Definitely give it your all. I think you'll see very different results.

So I think what we're all getting at is...

*I should really give it another go?
*Don't wait until after surgery to reconnect with my sisters....because it will actually help everyone if I do so before?
*Put everything I have into it, because it's the only way I'll get everything out of it?

I was sitting here thinking about it before I read your post, AGDee, and I remember Pref Night at my Sorority. It was so beautiful. I cried. I was the only girl in my Pref Class that looked remotely emotional about the beauty of Sisterhood and excitement for what lies ahead as a XYZ.

I think those beautiful memories and intense emotions became lost and distorted in the partying and apathy I went through. It's not that they were never there....I just forgot about them.


Oh, and I did my homework about our Reinstatement Policies. A few girls in my sorority have said "there is no coming back," but according to the National Policy Handbook, Reinstatement Policies DO exist, and it IS possible. I have spoken with my Advisor about everything before I took my withdrawal, and she knows my situation and my desire for reinstatement. I think that's why she let me keep my Bid Day presents *shrug*

[agzg]

Originally Posted by prettyk8machine

So I think what we're all getting at is...

*I should really give it another go?
*Don't wait until after surgery to reconnect with my sisters....because it will actually help everyone if I do so before?
*Put everything I have into it, because it's the only way I'll get everything out of it?

I was sitting here thinking about it before I read your post, AGDee, and I remember Pref Night at my Sorority. It was so beautiful. I cried. I was the only girl in my Pref Class that looked remotely emotional about the beauty of Sisterhood and excitement for what lies ahead as a XYZ.

I think those beautiful memories and intense emotions became lost and distorted in the partying and apathy I went through. It's not that they were never there....I just forgot about them.


Oh, and I did my homework about our Reinstatement Policies. A few girls in my sorority have said "there is no coming back," but according to the National Policy Handbook, Reinstatement Policies DO exist, and it IS possible. I have spoken with my Advisor about everything before I took my withdrawal, and she knows my situation and my desire for reinstatement. I think that's why she let me keep my Bid Day presents *shrug*

Yes, yes and yes. If it's really what you want to do, there's no sense in not trying, especially if you feel like that's what's going to make you happy.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by prettyk8machine

*I should really give it another go?
*Don't wait until after surgery to reconnect with my sisters....because it will actually help everyone if I do so before?
*Put everything I have into it, because it's the only way I'll get everything out of it?

1. Yes, if that's what you want and think you'll be able to.
2. Keep in contact as much as you can with sisters, not necessarily going to the house all the time if the chapter has one, but calling/IMing/sitting with them in classes, etc.
3. Basically.

[DGTess]

Depending on your sorority and your standing and the results of your chapter's desire to reinstate you active, you may also be eligible to take alumnae status. Only you can go finding the answers to that.

Remember, sorority membership is lifelong. Even if your chapter sisters and you grow far apart, it's likely you will find others among your nation of sisters to whom you would like to grow close. If you believe in the purpose, ideals, goals, philanthropy, whatever brought you to accept initiation in the first place, it's not likely you'll lose that belief.