Loss of Youthful Innocence

[AlphaFrog]

So, my first grade daughter tells me when I get home from work today (through unmistakable gestures) that there is a first grade girl on her schoolbus that is performing oral sex on a couple boys (a kindegartener and a second grader), which was shocking enough....but then she also described to me them having anal sex!! These are K-2 kids and far beyond a "show me yours and I'll show you mine". My daughter was very specific that she was not involved (and looked me in the eye as she told me all this).

I got the names from my daughter and emailed her teacher, since it was after hours and the teacher will get it first thing in the morning. Another woman I talked to mentioned calling DSS, since obviously at least one of these children did NOT come up with this idea on their own.

I already had the good touch/bad touch, tell an adult, & sex talk, but I'm not sure what other "damage control" to do with her. She was very matter-of-fact when she told me, so it's hard to tell how much this affected her. Kindergarten, First & Second Graders....and we live in Suburbia's suburbs.

[GammaPhi88]

I'm glad you e-mailed the teacher. There is a good chance that one or more of the children involved has some serious issues going on at home, perhaps sexual abuse or something of the sort. She hopefully has the background and training to know when to contact child services.

Regarding damage control, though your daughter was matter of fact, I assume she did not appear to condone it or identify it as good behavior. I don't know what other damage control you can do, unless there is a possibility for her not to take the bus.

[DubaiSis]

Wow. Good for her for telling and good for you for following up. My first instinct is you've just found a girl who is being sexually abused at home. How else would a first grade girl have access to this knowledge?

[AlphaFrog]

After talking with a friend's friend who works for DSS, I ended up making a report. An officer called me and they are pulling the security camera recording from the bus and probably interviewing the students. I gave them permisson to interview my daughter. I told her I was going to make a report, and that she needed to tell the adults interviewing her everything that happened honestly and clearly. I hope these children get the help they need, whatever that may be. I still can't wrap my brain around this.

[AOII Angel]

Sounds like someone has been molested, and if one of those boys can have an erection in the 2nd grade, he may have a medical problem. He shouldn't have enough testosterone yet to be that androgenized. Good job reporting it. They need to investigate that quickly. What a shame your daughter had to see that at such a young age.

[SydneyK]

Gosh, AF. That's scary. I can't even imagine.

I know that the confidentiality of DSS reports is typically very highly guarded, but I'd keep as close an eye on your daughter as you can. Like GammaPhi88, I wonder if there's a possibility that your daughter can avoid the bus for a while. Since the other students being interviewed know your daughter wasn't involved, and know she's being interviewed, it seems possible that others could easily figure out you're the one who filed a report.

I'm sure I'm not saying anything you haven't thought of yourself - I'm just concerned. Good luck with all this.

[Kevin]

You definitely made the right call in reporting. As far as damage control goes, counseling doesn't sound like a totally horrible idea.

I'd also look into setting up a carpool. How could this go on on a bus without being noticed by the driver??

[FSUZeta]

wow-and my mom was upset when a friend of mine told me there was no santa claus when i was 6!! i am so sorry that your daughter was witness to this, and am especially sorry for the children involved. both your daughter and you were very brave to step up and do the right thing. good for you both!

[Sciencewoman]

As shocking as this is, incest and sexual abuse of children unfortunately happens much more than we want to realize. My husband is an elementary teacher, I am a former elementary teacher and now professor of elementary education, and my mother is a retired school counselor. My mother has always told me that I would not believe the things she heard in her office, and she also told me that the county we live in and grew up in has the highest rate of incest in the state. This county is absolutely predominantly middle-class/upper middle class suburbia. I have had to report cases of child abuse, and I have taught children who were already known victims. In some cases, the victims frequently talked about sex, drew graphic pictures, touched and spoke to classmates inappropriately, etc. I firmly believe that at least one of these children is a victim.

School employees are mandated reporters. That means that the teacher, bus driver, etc. must report all suspicions to DSS, Child Protective Services, etc., within 24 hours of their suspicions, witnessing of acts, having a child self-report to them, etc. They should all know this, and what the proper procedure is. You may want to follow up with school administration. I wouldn't worry about your child being ostracized by the children; it's the (guilty) parent(s) who tend to become irate. My husband had to testify in court and have police protection for a day, and one of my former principals was attacked by a parent after her children were taken from her by Protective Services.

Aside from the likelihood of abuse, children are being exposed to horror movies and adult movies, which most of us realize are completely inappropriate for children. But, not everyone shares the same values. When I taught 5th grade reproductive health, we had a question jar, in which students could place questions that they may have been uncomfortable asking out loud. I remember a student asking, "In those movies, why are the men always sperming on the ladies?" Sorry to gross everyone out. That's just one example. In this case, exposure to porn could also be a contributing factor.

Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer...but reporting was the right thing to do. You don't even want to hear what my mom had to say about the situation at Penn State.

[ThetaPrincess24]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

After talking with a friend's friend who works for DSS, I ended up making a report. An officer called me and they are pulling the security camera recording from the bus and probably interviewing the students. I gave them permisson to interview my daughter. I told her I was going to make a report, and that she needed to tell the adults interviewing her everything that happened honestly and clearly. I hope these children get the help they need, whatever that may be. I still can't wrap my brain around this.

I applaud you for making the report.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Sounds like someone has been molested, and if one of those boys can have an erection in the 2nd grade, he may have a medical problem. He shouldn't have enough testosterone yet to be that androgenized.

Really? I thought young boys could get erections at younger ages than that.

Jess - big hugs and give M a big hug from her "auntie" for being so brave and telling you what was happening.

[ForeverRoses]

Originally Posted by ThetaPrincess24

I applaud you for making the report.

Ditto.
You said you emailed the teacher. does the school have a conselor as well? (I know soeme schools have cut those because of budgets, but still). Might not be a bad idea to let them know just so they can help answer any questions the other kids might have...

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by ThetaPrincess24

I applaud you for making the report.

This.


Somehow this was not what I was expecting when I opened this thread. I thought it would be Santa or the tooth fairy or something...

[MaryPoppins]

Bless you and your daughter AlphaFrog! Thank you, thank you for reporting. Like the others here who are mandatory reporters, I know these things happen and have had to help families and children in similar situations. You absolutely did the right things for your daughter and those children.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by WCsweet<3

Somehow this was not what I was expecting when I opened this thread. I thought it would be Santa or the tooth fairy or something...

No. Thank God she still believes in Santa and the Tooth Fairy! (Yeah, humor defense mechanism)

I'll be calling her in about an hour to find out how school went today.

Thanks for all the support, guys.