How important to you is financial security in a relationship/marriage?

[cheerfulgreek]

On a scale from 1-10 how important is financial security to you? How important is it to you in a serious relationship vs a marriage? Explain the reason behind the number you chose.

[KSUViolet06]

I'd say about a 5. I'm not looking for someone to be a millionaire, but I do think that it's important for the man you marry to be able to manage money well. I think that the way a person manages money says alot about their character. It's important to know that he knows how to save and spend responsibly. Everyone has debt issues of some kind (from school, credit cards, etc) and I don't expect him to be debt free, but I do want to know that he is responsibly paying any debt that he has.

[Army Wife'79]

I'd say a 10. I'm not saying I wanted him to be rich but studies show the main cause of problems in the marriage is "money" so it's important to be on the same wave length. If you have debt it will cause stress which will cause fights etc.
Too many kids now want to live like their parents do now, not like they did when the parents married. Big screen TV's, fancy electronic gadgets etc. It's a downward spiral into financial ruin. If you can't afford to pay cash, don't buy it and always pay your credit cards off monthly.
If one is a "saver" and the other a "spender" there will be fights. If both are "spenders" you will end up bankrupt or divorced but if you are both "savers" you will have a happier marriage according to an article I read.

[DSTCHAOS]

10

[TNPhiMu]

I agree with the 10's. Financial security does not equal "rich". But being financially secure is so important in a marriage, and even though to a lesser degree, in a serious relationship. And, well, ditto to everything Army Wife said.

[AKA_Monet]

No romance without finance is a nuisance! 10!

Really though, one's lover needs to be supportive and buttress during the rich and the poor times. And it flip flops from one member to the other member of the pair bond.

[texas*princess]

Absolutely 10.

My definition of 'financial security' does not mean collectively we need to be millionaires, but instead just need enough to live the life we have planned for ourselves now and in the future (i.e. when I retire from Corporate America, I don't want to have to work as a greeter at Wal-Mart to make ends meet)... because like someone already mentioned studies show the biggest reason for arguements is money-related.

[Dionysus]

Marriage-9
Relationship-5

[PrettyBoy]

For me it's about a 5, which is in the middle. I think it's the man's primary job to provide for his wife. I say 5 because it would be nice if she could help with some of the bills, which would take some of the financial burden off of him.

I guess this thread really wouldn't apply to men, but in truth I don't think a woman gets involved with a man just for his money. Other factors play into that as well. I think she at least wants him to be able to support himself. I think most men are willing to marry a woman who expects to be financially supported thoughout life. But there aren't many woman who would marry men they would need to support. Most women would help support a joker through schooling that would prepare him for a career he enjoys. But when school is done she expects the joker to find a job. I think the biggest problem with finances in a marriage is that many couples set a standard of living for themselves far higher than they need to be happy. If they would just reduce their standards of living to a point of comfort, many could avoid the man working long hours, with the woman pressured to earn a paycheck. Like I said, it's his job to support her, not hers to support him.

I'm not against women who want careers, and I don't oppose women who choose a career early in life. All I'm saying is I think women should be able to have a choice. I think it's great she can work and help with the bills because that's the way things are now, but the money she earns should not have to be spent on basic support for the family. If he's not earning enough money, I think in many cases lowering the standard of living would not sit well with many women. Over spending and lowering the standard of living are two totally different things. A lot of couples divorce because of finances, but some of this can be prevented if he would somehow increase his income without sacrificing time with his wife.

Either way it goes, if he's not earning enough money she may leave. On the other hand if he's working long hours to make her happy financially, she still may leave. The reason being is because he may be meeting her financial needs, but her emotional needs are still being unmet.

For me, I would like her to work and make enough money to support herself, but as long as we're together, I'll take care of her to the best of my ability with the resources I have, because it's my job to serve her. If she still isn't happy, and I'm doing the best I can then I'll just have to say see ya. Some women are never happy.

[Munchkin03]

10, 10, 10.

You can be financially secure and be decidedly not wealthy, or you can have a high salary and be financially insecure due to living outside of your means. I want to retire. I want to send my kids to the same kinds of schools that I went to. That doesn't require wealth, but it does require certain priorities.

[DSTCHAOS]

PrettyBoy, this topic should apply to men and women equally. This is a topic of financial security and the ability to enjoy certain luxuries and accumulate wealth for the future.

Marriages end in divorce over finances because both the man and women are disastisfied with the economic situation or can't adjust to ups and downs.

To roughly address some other points that you made:
I view marriages as more egalitarian so my household will be run differently than many. Unless one spouse agrees to be a stay-at-home husband/father or wife/mother, both spouses are contributing equally to the finances (even if this is based on % of total income) and to the household (and parenting, if there are children) responsibilities.

It isn't the man's responsibility to provide financially and the woman's to do the household stuff. Unless the couple decides that the man will be the only paid worker and the woman will be the unpaid worker. But in instances where that arrangement has not been made, I don't agree with the "man is the head of the household" thing in the literal sense that most people take it.

[Benzgirl]

11

[nittanyalum]

LOL. I like Benzgirl's answer.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by Benzgirl

11

LOL...

[Scandia]

One of my biggest pet peeves is when somebody is not financially responsible. While I am financially stable myself, and thus am not searching for a mate simply to have financial security, the truth is that I do not want a total spendthrift, a total tightwad, or someone searching to marry me for my money.