Should I depledge??

[bluemay414]

I have to make a big decision about whether or not I want to depledge my sorority. They were not my first choice nor were they my second choice. I wanted to give them a try like everyone said to do. So far I have not felt like I am having any fun or clicking with anyone special. We still haven't gotten a big sister and noone has done anything special regarding 'pals' of any sort. We haven't done any fun mixers yet, even though the other sororities have done a few and they said they were lots of funs. I was told that my sorority has a reputation for being slutty and not the most attractive of the bunch, so most frats would rather party with the pretty girls or 'top tier' girls. I don't really like being known as the slutty dogmeat ugly group (even though I think we have some pretty girls). It may sound shallow, but if it isn't going to be any fun, and we aren't going to be invited to mix with any of the fun frats is it worth paying to join a group that is known around campus in a negative way? Plus having to deal with some of the reactions I get when People find out what sorority I pledged. "You pledged ?????" Oh......Silence.

Am I better off just staying on my own and meeting people through the dorms and other groups?? My Phi Chi group is really close and I do more with them then I do with my Pledge class or new active sisters.

[bluemay414]

No bashing me please! Just want honest advice!!

[adpiucf]

Ask your new member coordinator about Big Sisters, your social event calendar and your concerns about the chapter's reputation. Give the chapter a chance to address your concerns before you make the decision to stay or go.

If you drop out, you are not eligible to rush and pledge pledge another sorority until next school year. I don't think you have much to lose by staying in for now. You've already paid your dues for the month, right?

Also, give it some time-- how long has it been since recruitment? Just a couple of weeks, right? If you give it a fair shot-- call people, make an effort to come around and hang out, lead by example to change the campus's perception of the chapter, etc., you might turn things around for yourself and the chapter. If it isn't in you by initiation-- which will be in just another month, then certainly drop out. It isn't worth your time or theirs if your heart isn't in it.

And I promise you that there are pledges in every one of the other chapters on campus feeling the same way you are. The grass is always greener on the other side, and often we have a very hard time seeing the big picture. You are going to deal with image issues, sisters you don't like and rumors no matter what chapter you are a member of.

[Benzgirl]

Originally Posted by bluemay414

I have to make a big decision about whether or not I want to depledge my sorority. They were not my first choice nor were they my second choice. I wanted to give them a try like everyone said to do. So far I have not felt like I am having any fun or clicking with anyone special. We still haven't gotten a big sister and noone has done anything special regarding 'pals' of any sort. We haven't done any fun mixers yet, even though the other sororities have done a few and they said they were lots of funs. I was told that my sorority has a reputation for being slutty and not the most attractive of the bunch, so most frats would rather party with the pretty girls or 'top tier' girls. I don't really like being known as the slutty dogmeat ugly group (even though I think we have some pretty girls). It may sound shallow, but if it isn't going to be any fun, and we aren't going to be invited to mix with any of the fun frats is it worth paying to join a group that is known around campus in a negative way? Plus having to deal with some of the reactions I get when People find out what sorority I pledged. "You pledged ?????" Oh......Silence.

Am I better off just staying on my own and meeting people through the dorms and other groups?? My Phi Chi group is really close and I do more with them then I do with my Pledge class or new active sisters.

She is back...and did pledge
So are you upset because your mixers are not with Fun Fraternities (you now call them Fun instead of Top Tier)? Or are you upset because you don't have a big yet (we didn't for about 1 month)? Or are you upset because no one has circled your fat yet?

Did your boyfriend tell you your sorority was slutty dogmeat ugly (he IS the authority)?

Tell me, how long have you been in a pledge? What have you done pro-actively so far? Have you asked your social chairman for a calendar of events? (they are published befor the term begins) Have you asked your sisters who are in charge of new pledges when you will get your Big?

It sounds to me like you are not making the effort to learn about your chapter and are relying on the rumors from outsiders.

[Jimmy Choo]

1) In all honesty, every group on any campus is going to have negative stereotypes. There were 9 on mine and based on "reputations" all had something negative about them. Don't even concern yourself with that crap. Join for the people, not the popularity.

2) When you first join, you will feel disconnected from some of the sisters. Heck, I didn't feel truly connected to some of my sisters for almost a year. But like adpiucf said, if you still have serious doubts, don't initiate.

3) As for the mixers.... here's my viewpoint. Don't worry about the "status" of the fraternities you are mixing with. The most important thing is if they are fun. My GLO tended to have mixers with the same groups all the time. These guys weren't considered the "top" groups but who cares! We always had a good time and these guys were great guys. The status shouldn't matter. If the status is the most important thing..... then that's a problem.

[SydneyK]

I realize that you're wanting advice, and not wanting to be flamed. But you've given us so much ammunition that it's hard to be completely nice to you.

I'm wondering if you've heard that your sorority circles fat, and you're reluctant to participate in that. If that's the case, and you find out (for SURE, not just hearsay) that it does indeed haze in this way, then you need to do something about it.

Perhaps you've heard that your sorority is the only one on your campus that does NOT circle fat (this could be why your sorority is known as the fat one, right - none of the fatties would let their fat be circled, so they join IEtaPi), and you're jealous because you think it sounds like fun.

In either case, I think you're blindly believing rumors. Don't believe everything you hear, whether it's about sororities, fraternities, stock options, etc... Find out for yourself.

Perhaps you wanted in the sorority that your Pi Chi was in, and you were sure that if you wowed her, it wouldn't matter whether the rest of her sorority liked you, and that's why you wanted to know whether Pi Chi's had any say in membership selection. They don't. And for good reason.

Should you depledge? We can't really tell you one way or another. We don't have all the information. You're the only one who can make that decision. If you decide to depledge, make sure you're doing it for reasons that are real - not just because of rumors.

The women in your sorority gave you a chance... are you giving them one?

[KSUViolet06]

I'm going to be honest here. If you're looking for someone to tell you to depledge, i'm not going to be the one.

You really shouldn't be so concerned with what other people think. Every other thing you said referenced what someone else thinks of your sorority?

Every sorority has negative things that people say about it. From the largest, to the smallest, to the ones with all the blonde barbies, to the one with brunettes. For every sorority, there's some negative thing that guys or nongreeks associate with them. There was one sorority that all the guys labeled the "stuck up bitch" sorority. Then there was another who was the "nerdy sorority".

If everybody depledged because of something a fraternity guy or non Greek said about their chapter, my campus wouldn't have a Greek sysyem!


We all had things that the guys would say about us. Did any of us care? Nope. Why not? Because what they thought didn't matter and we knew that they were just stupid boys who knew nothing about any of us.

As long as you continue to take what uinformed guys and non greeks opinions influence how YOU feel about YOUR sorority you won't be happy there.

Let me also add that your time as an active is only 4 or 5 years maximum. You will spend far more time in your sorority as an alumna than you will as an active. And as an alumna, no one cares what your chapter was like at your school. You could miss out on a lifetime of sisterhood with a wonderful organization, just because of what some stupid boys are saying right now.

[LPIDelta]

Yes you should depledge. Based on what you've said, it sounds like your expectations are not a good match with this group, and I would argue, any sorority.

[NOLA25]

Are you spending too much time with your Phi Chi group and not really giving your sorority a chance??

[fraggle]

TROLL!!!!!!!!!!

[SigKapChatter]

You said you didn't want to be judged because your reasons for wanting to depledge sound shallow. That's because they are. What I am about to say, I am doing not to be mean, not to tear you down, but because you need to take a good look at yourself and determine whether more than just your reasoning is shallow, that maybe you are a chronically shallow person (Maybe you're not, this is something you need to determine for yourself, but look at it seriously.) The sisterhood I feel in my sorority is very deep, and a person who is shallow cannot commit to that deep of a relationship, nor any kind of truly meaningful relationship. If you find that you are a chronically shallow person (everyone has their shallow moments, but perhaps with you it really is a problem), you have two different options:
1) You realize that as you are you cannot truly commit to entering into a sisterhood and you depledge because it is not fair to the sisters to bind them with someone who will not be true. OR-
2) You go through with initiation and commit yourself to growing as a person. Look at the sisters and see if their personal characteristics--honor, loyalty, kindness, dedication, bravery, humility--are qualities that you admire and are the qualities that make up a good person. If you can dedicate yourself to learning from them, I say join. Being a Sigma Kappa has grown me in so many ways. I am a better person because of all my sisters and maybe your sisters can do the same for you.

Good

[SigKapChatter]

You said you didn't want to be judged because your reasons for depledging are shallow. So what I am about to write is not intended as a judgement but as true and honest advice:

Take a good look at who you are as a person. Is more than your reasoning shallow? Are you perhaps a chronically shallow person? (I don't know you, maybe you aren't, but it is good for any and all of us to look at our characters and see if the person we are is the person we want to be.) Let's say you are a chronically shallow person, hope is not lost, but it is important that you set out to correct it because a true sisterhood is a deep, meaningful relationship and shallow person is not capable of that relationship or any other kind of deep relationship. So you've determined you are chronically shallow. You have two options:
1) You depledge because it isn't fair to the sisters to join if you aren't going to commit yourself to being a true sister--one that is supportive and loyal. Or--
2) You join with the intention of changing. I know that my sisters have made me a better person. I see in each of them qualities that I wish I had as a person and I strive to add those things to my character. You could do the same. Do you admire the sisters as people? If so, then I say join and improve yourself.

So... Good Luck! And let us know what you decide.

[ASUADPi]

Originally Posted by bluemay414

I have to make a big decision about whether or not I want to depledge my sorority. They were not my first choice nor were they my second choice. I wanted to give them a try like everyone said to do. So far I have not felt like I am having any fun or clicking with anyone special. We still haven't gotten a big sister and noone has done anything special regarding 'pals' of any sort. We haven't done any fun mixers yet, even though the other sororities have done a few and they said they were lots of funs. I was told that my sorority has a reputation for being slutty and not the most attractive of the bunch, so most frats would rather party with the pretty girls or 'top tier' girls. I don't really like being known as the slutty dogmeat ugly group (even though I think we have some pretty girls). It may sound shallow, but if it isn't going to be any fun, and we aren't going to be invited to mix with any of the fun frats is it worth paying to join a group that is known around campus in a negative way? Plus having to deal with some of the reactions I get when People find out what sorority I pledged. "You pledged ?????" Oh......Silence.

Am I better off just staying on my own and meeting people through the dorms and other groups?? My Phi Chi group is really close and I do more with them then I do with my Pledge class or new active sisters.

My advice

1) stop hanging out so much with your Phi Chi and start hanging out with your sisters and your pledge sisters.

2) stop worrying about what other people think! What matters is how you feel. Who cares what they think

3) (I don't say this to be mean) stop being so shallow. Who cares that you aren't hanging out with the "top tier" fraternities. If hanging out with the frat boys was the only reason you joined a sorority, yeah you should get out now.

4) talk to the sister who is in charge of new members and find out when you should be receiving your big sis. Some chapters don't do it right away. I don't know how long you have been a pledge but it can't be more than a month, give it some time. I know the local chapter of ADPi doesn't do their revealing right away.

5) EVERY sorority has a "reputation" on campus. Deal with it! It doesn't make it true. I'm sure every sorority on every campus in the US and Canada has women who sleep around. Hello that makes them human. They aren't wretched people who don't deserve friends. Should the whole chapters reputation be based of the few, of course not. Does it become that way, yes. The only way it's going to change is by members forcing it to change.

I don't want to be mean to you but from what I've read, I'd have to say that you are more interested in "appearances", than anything else.

Appearances aren't everything. Remember something beautiful on the outside can be ugly on the inside.

[AOII Angel]

I think people have given you great advice. You likely still have several weeks until initiation. In that time, I urge you to take an active part in your chapter. Make the effort to find all the answers to your questions...not by asking strangers on GC who have no chance in hell of knowing the answers but by asking the sisters. They won't kick you out or bite your head off for asking pertinent questions! Make the effort to get to REALLY know your sisters. It sounds like you've dismissed them entirely because they were your third choice. Get over yourself...your top two didn't want you so stop dreaming about them and give the girls a chance who have given you a chance. If after you've made this effort, you realized that it's not for you, depledge. You'll then not have to wonder what if when you think back at your college years.

[sage_la]

If you're only looking to hang around pretty party girls, then perhaps you should adjust your expectations on what a sorority is supposed to be. A sorority is about joining a sisterhood (and keep in mind that family members don't always get along), doing something positive in your community, and molding yourself into a leader and a team player. It's about becoming women of distinction - going to mixers should just be a tiny side thought in your decision to join.

Honestly, if parties are your main goal, you don't need a sorority for that - and if that is your primary concern, then that's likely why you didn't get bid on by your top choices. These girls took a chance on you, so I would strongly encourage you to talk with initiated sisters about your concerns (in a nice way, don't just call them the "slutty sorority") and see if they can help you through it or give you a better perspective on what to expect. Maybe you seem standoffish or stuck up to the other girls, so they're having trouble approaching you and bonding.

Let go of your negative thoughts and really jump into your pledge process. You don't have to wait for bonding events to be arranged. Invite your pledge class somewhere and hang out, grab some of the girls individually and ask them to get some coffee with you or something like that. You're only alone if you want to be. If you still feel that they'll never be a good fit for you after a few more weeks, then reconsider depledging.