Friendship

Miami1839 · #1 05-04-2001, 07:13 PM

I'd like to start this topic because its on my mind right now. Maybe its a stupid idea and rather cliche but I need to vent. In terms of both friendships with both boys and girls what does it mean to you? Friendship to me means accepting that person regardless of their faults, honesty, and being there for that person. I dont know, maybe I do have issues but this person really infuriated me and I thought she was a true friend. I know not all women are the same but this one really brought down my respect level. It just seems that girls are held to a different standard than guys. Maybe I'm off base but it seems when a guy burns a girl for whatever reason you are basically blackballed from all of womankind but when a girl burns a guy its like carte blanche or something. *L* O well. I will say though there are many girls on here that I will say are MY TRUE friends and I just want them to know I will NEVER forget that. Hootie, Amycat, and LSU Tiger girl being that group that I respect.

Kevin

[This message has been edited by Miami1839 (edited May 04, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by Miami1839 (edited May 04, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by Miami1839 (edited May 04, 2001).]

Lots-a-Heart · #2 05-05-2001, 09:56 AM

Kevin,
Even as a women, I agree with you! Take for example a "clique" of girls who hang out at a fraternity house. All of them are friends with all the guys, until one of the guys makes one of them mad and now that guy isin't talked to by ALL of the girls, yet the girls still hang out there and are friends with everyone else!
Or when you have any group, with a mix of guys and girls I have noticed this: when a friend breaks up with a guy she has been with for years, a guy the rest of us call our friend (as he has become part of the group) he is GONE. But when a guy breaks up with a girl, she can still hang out in the group witht he rest of the girls. You know what I mean?
In most of the friendships we all enter, we enter naively(?). When we do get burned (like the girl you thought was a good friend) it should only make us respect and enjoy the friendships that we have with everyone else! Kinda like what you said about Hottie and the girls!!

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Sarah
Sister Lots-a-Heart, #9
President, Iota Beta Chi Sorority
http://welcome.to/iotabetachi

Miami1839 · #3 05-06-2001, 08:57 PM

Sarah,

First, I want to say, Thank You. Your right and from experience I totally agree with you. Guys and Girls definitely react differently in friendships. I suppose maturity and class plays a big part of it too. O well. Thanks Again for the post.

Kevin

Lots-a-Heart · #4 05-07-2001, 09:37 AM

No problem Kevin!

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Sarah
Sister Lots-a-Heart, #9
President, Iota Beta Chi Sorority
http://welcome.to/iotabetachi

Symphony · #5 05-08-2001, 02:06 PM

Kind of off the subject but along the same line-

How come you can date one sorority girl but if you break up with her and try to date one of her sisters- that is an absolute no no and much of the sorority drops the guy as a friend.

BUT

When a girl dates one guy in a fraternity and they break up; she can date one of his brothers and it doesn't seem to matter and the rest of the Fraternity is still her friend?

I'm not agreeing with anything I stated above- just my observation.

[This message has been edited by Symphony (edited May 08, 2001).]

Lots-a-Heart · #6 05-08-2001, 09:22 PM

Symphony ~
I know what you mean. There was this guy who was a "greek" and the joke now is "it is written in the IBCHI constitution not to date you (him)". It is just a joke, but I know what you mean. I feel bad b/c he is a nice guy, but after you date more than one sister and then try to date even more...kinda blacklisted. But total opposite for girls. I knew a girl who "dated" I swear the whole Fraternity house one summer! Stupid double standards.

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Sarah
Sister Lots-a-Heart, #9
President, Iota Beta Chi Sorority
http://welcome.to/iotabetachi

James · #7 05-09-2001, 12:39 AM

You have to laugh . . . but that is true about dating girls in a sorority. Maybe girsl have more loyalty to each other? Or maybe they just give each other more grief (more social consequences)?

Although . . . it depends on how big the house is and WHICH girls you try dating/hooking up with.

With guys, we may not "like" another of our Brothers dating an ex, but it is considered in poor form, weak, or "girlish" to make a big deal about it.

As far as friendships go . . . it was one of the hardest lessons for me to realize that people have different rules than I do towards friendship and behaviors in it. Also some people have different rules at different levels of friendship.

The one mistake we should never make is to assume that someone else will follow our rules when dealing with us. Not only is that shortsighted, but unfair to the other person.

I guarentee that we hurt, baffle, piss off others because we don't follow THEIR rules.

Now if the rule infractions is serious and leaves you emotionally dmaaged or uneasy about the friendship there are a few things to think about.

1. Maybe they don't consider you at the same level of friendship you do them.

2. Maybe they have different rules entirely.

3. Maybe they are just some gradient of evil, or out for themselves.

Which means we have to either:

1. Accept them for who they are.

2. Try and explain our rules to them (which is fair).

3. Distance ourselves.

There are so many levels of misunderstandings in relationships. Or even expressions of regard . . . a spouse that beats you probably "loves" you, but is not necessarily loving you on a level you want to deal with or can relate to . . . unless you are equally damaged.

Just my 10 cents.

[This message has been edited by James (edited May 09, 2001).]