Co-worker?

Scandia · #1 07-20-2006, 08:52 AM

What do you know and recommend regarding dating a co-worker?

I am not doing so right now, but there is someone I am interested in. We are always saying chatting when we run into each other. And yesterday I found out we have a lot more in common than what I would have imagined- in addition to our working in the same field and having similar education backgrounds, he is also into anime and really likes one of my favorites.

He has been at my company for about 2-3 weeks. We seem to be drawn to each other in a way I have not noticed with anyone else in a while.

Should I try to ask him for his number? Should I ask him to go to lunch with me- or sit at his table at lunch if we are having lunch at the same time? Should I wait for a company function to sit together with him?

It would not be against company policy in any way since I am not his supervisor nor he mine. We are not even in the same chain of command.

Any advice? What I mentioned in the "lame" thread is not hypothetical. I may have many talents and strengths, but the relationship domain is not one of them.

tunatartare · #2 07-20-2006, 09:46 AM

Does he work in the same department/office as you do? If he does, then I wouldn't recommend going for it, if things don't go well, it could compromise your professional relationship. Also, many companies have policies against coworkers dating each other to prevent relationship drama from coming into the workplace.

Drolefille · #3 07-20-2006, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scandia

What do you know and recommend regarding dating a co-worker?

I am not doing so right now, but there is someone I am interested in. We are always saying chatting when we run into each other. And yesterday I found out we have a lot more in common than what I would have imagined- in addition to our working in the same field and having similar education backgrounds, he is also into anime and really likes one of my favorites.

He has been at my company for about 2-3 weeks. We seem to be drawn to each other in a way I have not noticed with anyone else in a while.

Should I try to ask him for his number? Should I ask him to go to lunch with me- or sit at his table at lunch if we are having lunch at the same time? Should I wait for a company function to sit together with him?

It would not be against company policy in any way since I am not his supervisor nor he mine. We are not even in the same chain of command.

Any advice? What I mentioned in the "lame" thread is not hypothetical. I may have many talents and strengths, but the relationship domain is not one of them.

I'd start with the lunch request, at least you can get to know him better, and it has the excuse of being an innocent question.

If you decide you'd like to go on a date but don't want to ask straight out... you can always ask him to come to an anime movie because "no one else likes them"

That sort of thing...
I'd be careful, because if co-worker relationships go bad, they gobad but you can test the waters..

adpiucf · #4 07-20-2006, 09:50 AM

I don't recommend dating a co worker, unless you belong to a company of over 1000 people and you have zero daily interaction.

Scandia · #5 07-20-2006, 10:03 AM

He works in the same headquarters library I work at. There are over 120 employees in it. Transfering to another branch (whether lateral or promotion) is rather easy.

He is not in my same department. He is a Library Technical Assistant (does computer instruction). I am a Youth Services Librarian. He covers one reference desk in shortage situations (like we have right now), but he has a different supervisor. In fact, our chains of command do not coincide till at least the chief of the main library (3 people above me), and probably higher than that.

Two co-workers got married earlier this year. They had met while working at the main library. Again, different titles and chains of command. The wife was transfered to another library in the system after the marriage. I do know of another couple who worked in the system (did not meet through the system, though) where the husband could not get promoted to be the head assistant of the branch where the wife worked at, even though he would not be her supervisor. Another couple did meet and marry and worked at the main library for a while- but he was in the IT department and she was a reference librarian so there was minimal interaction in the workdya. And there is another married couple in the system- but she's at the main library and he's the chief of a couple branches, so again very little interaction.

I hope that he makes the first move. I truly do. I may be very outgoing and assertive, but I do fear rejection. It is hard for me to stay patient.

adpiucf · #6 07-20-2006, 10:23 AM

In a work environment of 120, I don't recommend it. Sorry to be a pessimist. In a perfect world, he'll propose to you in the library stacks and it will be all roses and kittens. But the reality is that you might date, people will snicker about you behind your backs and rumors will fly, you'll get on each other's nerves because you're together 24/7, you'll be less productive at work as a result ... and when you break up one or both people will have to endure the pain of getting over it knowing that the cause of their heartache is sitting at a desk a few feet away. Not worth it.

On that note, don't date anyone from the gym either.

xo_kathy · #7 07-20-2006, 11:42 AM

Eh, I don't agree with the others. I met my husband at work.

We worked in the same department and while he was not MY supervisor, he was a superior. However, we didn't "officially" start dating until the last week I was there, but we had our share flirting and lunch dates before I left. Also, given your environment (I would assume a library to be a it more laid back than an investment bank), I think it would be fine. And if you don't work with him constantly, if it doesn't work out I doubt it would get that awkward.

All that said, I'd give it a little more time before you push a date. I'd go with the sitting by him at lunch, or casually tell him your heading to lunch "wanna come", that kind of stuff. Do a little more casual, getting to know you stuff at work. Give him some time to see what he's thinking, too. Remember, he's brand new, he might be really nervous to ask someone out at work for fear of getting in trouble. In a month or so, if nothing progesses, then I'd do the "wanna go see an anime movie" thing.

OtterXO · #8 07-20-2006, 03:55 PM

I would just take it very slow if you do decide to "put the moves" on this guy. Anything fast will potentially freak him out or cause drama at work....both of which are undesirable, clearly. You just need to be comfortable with the fact that if things don't work it WILL be awkward everyday and you will probably want to get a new job in that case (speaking from experience). But, like Kathy said, sometimes it can end in happiness too....so be aware of the risks but go for it!

Scandia · #9 07-20-2006, 04:51 PM

Well, our talking to each other comes easily for some reason. I am more extraverted than introverted, but not by much. And now the confidence will come even easier given how much we like some of the same things. Plus there are some other things that do give me an edge.

His desk is in a different building than mine- library has two buildings connected by a tunnel. I do not know if he has started going out to the E-libraries yet, or if he is just teaching the computer classes in our main headquarters.

I do want to be friends first and take things slowly and easily. But I do fear that if I do not act "fast enough", either someone else will snag him or he will get the wrong idea about me. Again, I am not good with relationships and romance.

JonInKC · #10 07-21-2006, 12:22 AM

I think you should just go for it. Like I told that judge one drunken Thursday morning, "You can't put a restrainin order on my heart". I'm not sure if that's relevant or not. Oh well.

GAC3710 · #11 07-21-2006, 04:07 PM

Why not just have sex with him in the library and see where it goes from there?

Scandia · #12 07-21-2006, 04:11 PM

Now that was tacky and definitely a reason for automatic termination.

GAC3710 · #13 07-21-2006, 04:35 PM

tacky or just slutty?

KSUViolet06 · #14 07-21-2006, 10:45 PM

Ask yourself this:
Is the nature of my job such that if we broke up, we'd have to interact on a daily basis? If it's not, then go for it.

Scandia · #15 07-22-2006, 06:16 AM

Not unless we run into each other in the halls or lunchroom. We would not be working together on the same reference desk. Our office desks are not in the same floor or even building. We do not work on programs together. There are staff meetings that are occassional, but that's about it- and they do not necessarily would have both of us attending the same one at the same time.