Should I or shouldn't I?

PatriotGame · #1 07-16-2006, 09:37 PM

Hi, I'm posting for some advice about girls.
I'll lay out a little background on this situation.
I've known her for about 3 years, and about 3 months after I met her I was going to ask her out, but I found out... Someone beat me to the punch... They dated for a while, got engaged, and about 4 months ago he broke up with her. She's moving out of town in the next month or so and I'm trying to figure out what to do, should I try to start up a relationship? I don't know what to say, or do or what, and I really like her. Any advice would help a lot, thanks.

AKΨ_BRO@DSU · #2 07-16-2006, 10:05 PM

I don't know if it's wise to attempt to start a serious relationship with her since you did say that she has recently broke off an engagement. That's somethin' serious, man and may take some time for her to get over. I guess the best thing to do is to tell her how you feel BUT also tell her that you understand that she may still be hurt from her recent break up and you want to be there for her in any capacity. I'm not sure how you would get around the her moving away thing but if its meant to be, it'll happen. Just don't let it cause you to rush into anything because 1. Nothing works out as good as it possibly can when its rushed and 2. The problem in this cancelled engagement may have been that her and this other guy rushed things and she may turn you down based upon that past mistake.

PatriotGame · #3 07-16-2006, 10:18 PM

Thanks

AKΨ_BRO@DSU · #4 07-16-2006, 10:26 PM

No problem! Best of Luck!

OtterXO · #5 07-17-2006, 05:23 PM

That's a tough call. I think you could be her friend and maybe make some plans with her before she moves. If she's receptive then watch for red flags that she's not over the other guy. I met my boyfriend about a month after he broke up with his ex of 3 years and we've been together for almost a year...so don't go by strict guidelines on time. My boyfriend had been over the relationship her was in for about a year before they ended it, so he was ready to move on. But, like I said, just gage her response and do what you think feels right. I could just see you not doing anything and then kicking yourself later, you know?

Take a chance but still respect the situation she's in and the possibility that she might not be ready for anything with anyone, not just you. Good luck!

Drolefille · #6 07-17-2006, 05:44 PM

Try to pick the friendship back up, but if she was serious about the engagement, you Don't want to be the rebound guy.

Make an effort to see her and hang out.

If you're good enough friends, I think you'll know when she's moved on and ready for a new relationship.

valkyrie · #7 07-17-2006, 06:33 PM

If you want to date this woman, ask her out to dinner or whatever. If she's not ready to date, she can say no. If she agrees, just go out and have fun. I don't know how you or she could possibly determine whether you want to be in a relationship with each other until you've gone out at least a few times. Also, if you're already in the "relationship" mindset, be prepared to date her, really like her, and then be really bummed when she moves. If you can't live with that possibility, don't bother.

RU OX Alum · #8 07-18-2006, 02:00 PM

Tell her how you feel, apologize (not in so many words, maybe not apologize, but at least explain why you didn't ask her out when she was with other dude) and ask her out. Don't worry about it if she moves or not.

RU OX Alum · #9 07-18-2006, 02:00 PM

Or move with her.

valkyrie · #10 07-18-2006, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RU OX Alum

Tell her how you feel, apologize (not in so many words, maybe not apologize, but at least explain why you didn't ask her out when she was with other dude) and ask her out. Don't worry about it if she moves or not.

I don't know, dude. I'd be totally creeped out if some guy told me he was into me out of nowhere and wanted to ask me out years ago.

OtterXO · #11 07-18-2006, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valkyrie

I don't know, dude. I'd be totally creeped out if some guy told me he was into me out of nowhere and wanted to ask me out years ago.

I would too! I think it's better to just ask her to hang out without explaining the motive. If she's feeling it and you get a good vibe from her then ask her to hang out again. Just treat it like a normal dating situation. Do not, I repeat DO NOT confess your love for her the first time you get together.

SOPi_Jawbreaker · #12 07-18-2006, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RU OX Alum

Or move with her.

EEK EEK EEK

To PatriotGame:
How far is she moving? If she's just moving to the next town over, then like valkyrie said, just go ahead and ask her to a casual dinner. If she's moving several hundred or thousand miles away, then you have to ask yourself whether you can even deal with a long-distance relationship...if a relationship ever happened. Long-distance relationships take a lot of work, time, effort, trust, good communication, and maturity. If these things don't sound like things you'd be willing to put in, then you shouldn't even bother pursuing a relationship with her.

AKΨ_BRO@DSU · #13 07-18-2006, 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valkyrie

I don't know, dude. I'd be totally creeped out if some guy told me he was into me out of nowhere and wanted to ask me out years ago.

Why? Maybe he was just too afraid to ask you out or valued your friendship enough not to allow other feelings to ruin it.

shinerbock · #14 07-18-2006, 05:48 PM

Red Light. No. Not at all. Turn and run.

From my personal experience, this wait and see, longtime friends thing rarely works out. Number one, you've been too tied up with this girl for too long. This causes expectations. Reality will probably not meet those expectations. Number two, she's got baggage. Do you really wanna deal with an ex-fiance? I don't. Personally, I'd absolutely move on. At the very least, I'd give it some more time before doing something. Life is weird, your paths will probably cross again.