Another Marriage Question

[SummerChild]

Ok, so the Marriage Recipe thread and its discussion of pre-nups got me to thinking...

1. In this day and age when folk are getting married older and more established (in terms of property acquisition), etc. do you do the title transfer of your separately-acquired assets into each other's joint names after marriage? What would you do?
Ladies, do you expect him to do so or can he keep his stuff in his name alone? Men, do you expect her to do so or can she keep her stuff in her name alone?

2. For those who are for pre-nups, are you also for keeping all of your separately-acquired property in your name and not mingling it or its profits with the property that you acquire together?

3. When you pay the bills, is it 50/50 or per the share of income that each brings into the house?

4. Is the way that you deal with the management of finances indicative of your trust or love for the other person?


SC

[SKEEphistAKAte]

Originally posted by SummerChild
1. In this day and age when folk are getting married older and more established (in terms of property acquisition), etc. do you do the title transfer of your separately-acquired assets into each other's joint names after marriage? What would you do?
Ladies, do you expect him to do so or can he keep his stuff in his name alone? Men, do you expect her to do so or can she keep her stuff in her name alone?

I wouldn't transer any separately-acquired assets. He can keep his stuff as well.

2. For those who are for pre-nups, are you also for keeping all of your separately-acquired property in your name and not mingling it or its profits with the property that you acquire together?

Keeping it separate. Mine is Mine. His is His. Ours is Ours.

3. When you pay the bills, is it 50/50 or per the share of income that each brings into the house?

I'm not paying any household bills. Either it would be totally traditional where I wouldn't work at all and I took care of the household and children and did lots of big community service type things. OR If I worked, my salary would be my personal spending money. Otherwise it is a no-go.

4. Is the way that you deal with the management of finances indicative of your trust or love for the other person?

I don't think so. I just feel like, I've tried things the other way around and it didn't work for me. So I wouldn't waste time trying to go the 50/50 (which never really is 50/50) route again. I'm cool on that. I wouldn't love my mate any less or distrust them any more. I know what wouldn't work for me. At the same time I am not dying to be married like most single, never-before-married people, so if I couldn't get things the way I want them, I'm good with being single...we could just date.

[Rain Man]

Originally posted by SKEEphistAKAte
I wouldn't transer any separately-acquired assets. He can keep his stuff as well.



Keeping it separate. Mine is Mine. His is His. Ours is Ours.



I'm not paying any household bills. Either it would be totally traditional where I wouldn't work at all and I took care of the household and children and did lots of big community service type things. OR If I worked, my salary would be my personal spending money. Otherwise it is a no-go.



I don't think so. I just feel like, I've tried things the other way around and it didn't work for me. So I wouldn't waste time trying to go the 50/50 (which never really is 50/50) route again. I'm cool on that. I wouldn't love my mate any less or distrust them any more. I know what wouldn't work for me. At the same time I am not dying to be married like most single, never-before-married people, so if I couldn't get things the way I want them, I'm good with being single...we could just date.

Skee, I'll just say this:

You can't conduct a marriage as if it was a business proposition, which from your post you make it sound like, or at least that is how you want your marriage. The true essence of marriage goes much deeper than that, it is about being one flesh in every sense of the word, the combining of mind, body, spirit, and soul. If you approach marriage with that mindset, then pre-nups and divorce would be a non-issue for you. OTOH, because you have been recently divorced, I can understand your reasoning for thinking this way, and perhaps as you have indicated, you are good with being single.

Don't let your divorce cloud your view of what a marriage should be all about.

[DSTinguished1]

Originally posted by SKEEphistAKAte
I wouldn't transer any separately-acquired assets. He can keep his stuff as well.



Keeping it separate. Mine is Mine. His is His. Ours is Ours.



I'm not paying any household bills. Either it would be totally traditional where I wouldn't work at all and I took care of the household and children and did lots of big community service type things. OR If I worked, my salary would be my personal spending money. Otherwise it is a no-go.



I don't think so. I just feel like, I've tried things the other way around and it didn't work for me. So I wouldn't waste time trying to go the 50/50 (which never really is 50/50) route again. I'm cool on that. I wouldn't love my mate any less or distrust them any more. I know what wouldn't work for me. At the same time I am not dying to be married like most single, never-before-married people, so if I couldn't get things the way I want them, I'm good with being single...we could just date.

Wow you are starting to sound like my mother. Divorce has made her like this too

[SKEEphistAKAte]

Contrary to popular opinion marriage IS a business proposition. You have to sign legal documents (a contract) to begin one. You have to go to court and sign more legal documents (contract) to end one. It involves the legal transfer of property, etc. Marriage IS very much a business, if it weren't none of this legal stuff would be necessary. The rest is fairytale rhetoric.

[SKEEphistAKAte]

Originally posted by DSTinguished1
Wow you are starting to sound like my mother. Divorce has made her like this too

Yep. Divorce didn't do this to me though, MARRIAGE did. Divorce was merely the culmination of my unhappiness with the marital situation. To me the marriage was the bad thing (all of the negative things came of it) and divorce was the good thing (brought about an end to the unhappiness). Maybe you only see it that way if you've experienced it. *shrugs*

I promise I'm not bitter. I hope I'm not coming across that way. I just have views on marriage that are different from the norm.And those views are a result of my marriage not my divorce. I tried to keep the rose colored glasses and fairytale view as long as I could, but reality was slapping me in the face. Now I know the realities of marriage and I'm cool on it. But I don't judge other people who want to do it the traditional way. As it is with everything else in life, I feel like people should do what works for them, you know. I would never say the traditional or some new variation of it is wrong- different maybe but never wrong.

ETA: My whole post wasn't directed at you DSTinguished. I was speaking generally. No one on GC has said that my views are wrong either, just speaking generally guys.

[rho4life]

A good friend of mine had a house before she got married. Hubby's finances were a wreck!!! By the time they had been married 5 years, he had gotten his life much more together, and she added him to the deed as an anniversay gift. That made sense to me.

[btb87]

Originally posted by DSTinguished1
Wow you are starting to sound like my mother. Divorce has made her like this too

Unfortunately, it can make you bitter. I'm not divorced (yet), but just going toward the process is enough. I'm not totally swearing off marriage, but I tell ya what - things will definitely be different from here on. But I have to soften up first, because right now. . . well, let's just say it'll take me a while to open up again.

[DSTinguished1]

Originally posted by SKEEphistAKAte
Yep. Divorce didn't do this to me though, MARRIAGE did. Divorce was merely the culmination of my unhappiness with the marital situation. To me the marriage was the bad thing (all of the negative things came of it) and divorce was the good thing (brought about an end to the unhappiness). Maybe you only see it that way if you've experienced it. *shrugs*

I promise I'm not bitter. I hope I'm not coming across that way. I just have views on marriage that are different from the norm.And those views are a result of my marriage not my divorce. I tried to keep the rose colored glasses and fairytale view as long as I could, but reality was slapping me in the face. Now I know the realities of marriage and I'm cool on it. But I don't judge other people who want to do it the traditional way. As it is with everything else in life, I feel like people should do what works for them, you know. I would never say the traditional or some new variation of it is wrong- different maybe but never wrong.

ETA: My whole post wasn't directed at you DSTinguished. I was speaking generally. No one on GC has said that my views are wrong either, just speaking generally guys.

No I understand...trust me I do.

[DC_Zeta1920]

Originally posted by SummerChild
Ok, so the Marriage Recipe thread and its discussion of pre-nups got me to thinking...

1. In this day and age when folk are getting married older and more established (in terms of property acquisition), etc. do you do the title transfer of your separately-acquired assets into each other's joint names after marriage? What would you do?
Ladies, do you expect him to do so or can he keep his stuff in his name alone? Men, do you expect her to do so or can she keep her stuff in her name alone?

2. For those who are for pre-nups, are you also for keeping all of your separately-acquired property in your name and not mingling it or its profits with the property that you acquire together?

3. When you pay the bills, is it 50/50 or per the share of income that each brings into the house?

4. Is the way that you deal with the management of finances indicative of your trust or love for the other person?


SC

1. He can keep is stuff in his name. I don't need my name on everything he owns and vice versa. Whatever we buy together is a separate issue.

2. Whatever we acquire separately stays that way, and whatever is ours will be ours.

3. I don't want to do the 50/50. I would feel as if I'm a roommate instead of a wife. Before I say I do, we will be going for financial counseling so we can get that ironed out.

4. Finances are important and if he was the type that couldn't manage his money properly then you know, a red flag would be raised with regard to marriage. Finances is the leading reason of divorce and I refuse to go down like that.

[teena]

Very eye opening.

[Honeykiss1974]

Ladies, do you expect him to do so or can he keep his stuff in his name alone?

In regards to property such as a home/land, I do expect us to either buy a new home together (and sell the old stuff) or for one of us to either transfer the assets into the other spouse's name. Each spouse should also be listed as a beneficiary regarding financial matters. Other stuff (like a car, boat, etc.) he can keep in his name and I will do likewise.

When you pay the bills, is it 50/50 or per the share of income that each brings into the house?

We will have one checking account so it won't matter.

Is the way that you deal with the management of finances indicative of your trust or love for the other person?

YES!

[Rain Man]

Originally posted by SKEEphistAKAte
Contrary to popular opinion marriage IS a business proposition. You have to sign legal documents (a contract) to begin one. You have to go to court and sign more legal documents (contract) to end one. It involves the legal transfer of property, etc. Marriage IS very much a business, if it weren't none of this legal stuff would be necessary. The rest is fairytale rhetoric.

Marriage is a business in the sense that there must be a sense of order in combining two separate entities from a legal standpoint, but that is only an earthly representation of what is happening from a spiritual standpoint.

Regardless, no matter how you think of marriage, be it from a legal business standpoint or a romantic fairytale standpoint, at the end of the day you are still begging the most critical question of all:

Where is the love?

[SummerChild]

Answering my own questions...

Originally posted by SummerChild
Ok, so the Marriage Recipe thread and its discussion of pre-nups got me to thinking...

1. In this day and age when folk are getting married older and more established (in terms of property acquisition), etc. do you do the title transfer of your separately-acquired assets into each other's joint names after marriage? What would you do?
Ladies, do you expect him to do so or can he keep his stuff in his name alone? Men, do you expect her to do so or can she keep her stuff in her name alone?

I expect him to place me on all of those assets, as I will place him on all of mine. Ok, granted, it will be a little weird thinking that these are things that I have worked for and all of a sudden, he is about to be bettered but he has real estate and mucho investments so I will be bettered as well. I guess that I wouldn't feel this way if I had everythign and he had nothing or so much less than me. I'm probably wrong for thinking like this but I'm being real.

2. For those who are for pre-nups, are you also for keeping all of your separately-acquired property in your name and not mingling it or its profits with the property that you acquire together?

Not for pre-nups. If it's like that, we can't just stay bfriend-gfriend. Why bother?

3. When you pay the bills, is it 50/50 or per the share of income that each brings into the house?

I don't believe in 50/50 or share of income b/c it feels more like a roommate approach. Ok, I'm disagreeing with my own choices. LOL. Whatever, I like the idea of paying for certain things. Like I think that most men probably like the idea of providing the roof by paying the mortgage. That's fine, I can pay the utilities and all of the other bills (car notes, etc.) and put the rest into investments for us as I expect that he'll do with his surplus.

4. Is the way that you deal with the management of finances indicative of your trust or love for the other person?

I think so. But maybe in the eyes of some it's not so, it just is what it is.

SC

[futurestar1]

Originally posted by Rain Man
Skee, I'll just say this:

You can't conduct a marriage as if it was a business proposition, which from your post you make it sound like, or at least that is how you want your marriage

Considering the majority of marriages end in divorce because of financial issues, that is enough proof for me that marriage IS in fact a business. You are not only spiritually and emotionally bonding with that person, but also legally and financially.

1. In this day and age when folk are getting married older and more established (in terms of property acquisition), etc. do you do the title transfer of your separately-acquired assets into each other's joint names after marriage? What would you do?
Ladies, do you expect him to do so or can he keep his stuff in his name alone? Men, do you expect her to do so or can she keep her stuff in her name alone?

There is no transferring of any ownership to something we owned before our union. We have talked about this. Homeownership is a personal goal of mine before marriage, however, we will NOT live as a couple in MY house. As a married couple, we would have to live in a home we purchased together. ETA: We would either keep my first home as an investment property and rent to tenants or sell it and begin our savings with the profit.

2. For those who are for pre-nups, are you also for keeping all of your separately-acquired property in your name and not mingling it or its profits with the property that you acquire together?

Originally posted by SKEEphistAKAte
Mine is Mine. His is His. Ours is Ours. ETA: If we were to sell my first home, that means I am agreeing to make it ours since the sale would have to be a post ceremony agreement.

3. When you pay the bills, is it 50/50 or per the share of income that each brings into the house?

We would have to discuss it and decide what works best for our family. I am more inclined to say per the share of income. I would want that to determine how much each of us are required to contribute to our shared account, family savings, and then the rest is your business. Honestly, I wouldn't mind a house husband.

4. Is the way that you deal with the management of finances indicative of your trust or love for the other person?

I'm still debating this one.