another advisor issue

[chio84]

I didn't think to ask you all about this until I saw the other post about advisors, but I was hoping that some of you could provide some insight about a problem i am having. basically, there is this advisor (our recruitment advisor) that just hates me (or, at least appeared to).

from the minute i met her, at a meeting in which i was helping plan one of our days at recruitment, she was nothing but downright mean to me. i commented on something i thought some other sororities had done better while I was goign through recruitment, and she made some snide remark in front of a large group of people along the lines of "if you hate us so much, why did you join anyway?!" i was blown away.. i was just giving some constructive criticism (WHICH I WAS ASKED TO DO) about one of our days.

anyway, i digress. i dont want to give too many details in case she could possibly be reading this, but several months ago she pulled me aside, accusing me of something that i truly had not done. its really hard to describe without giving more details, but basically i did something that was perfectly fine to do, ,and she thought that some other stuff occured with it that would have without a doubt made it not fine at all. however, i did NOT do the other stuff. i really didn't. it is something terrible that i would never, ever have done. i tried to explain that to her and she kept interrupting me, yelling at me, and telling me that i did it. i was actually crying when i left the meeting.

since then, i figured that it was no big deal, and that she'd just forget about it. i have since learned, however, that she has mentioned it to at least THREE other girls in my chapter, including my big sister who graduated a year ago (when she came back for an alum weekend). i have NO idea how many people she has told - i am in a gigantic chapter, and obviously the girls that i am closer with have asked me about it, but i honestly dont know about others - i dont want to go around asking people - and i don't even feel comfortable in my chapter anymore. i just feel horrible about everything: that she would attack me in this manner FOR NO REASON, that anyone would think i would do something so terrible, and that i dont even know who knows about it, so i can't do damage control.

i would honestly probably disaffiliate if i weren't graduating in a month, but i am. i also do not want to bring it to personnel, because our personnel chair is brainwashed by the advisor and clearly thinks i did it (she was present when the advisor confronted me). do you think there is anything i can do about this to make my last month as an active any better? or should i just try to forget about it and move on with my life after graduation?

i would really appreciate any input.. this is just bothering me so much.

[adpiucf]

There are a couple of routes you could take.

You can confront her head-on. Ask her to meet you for coffee, on some neutral ground away from the sorority house. Talk openly and honestly about how she has treated you and how she has made you feel. This is a mature way to go, and you're confronting your demons head-on. If she is a stable and mature person, she will appreciate the effort and perhaps recognize a deficiency in her leadership style.

Another option: You can talk to the person who supervises your advisory board and explain the situation and how it has made you uncomfortable and that this woman needs a talking-to about appropriate alumna-collegian relations and mentoring, as well as allowing due process regarding any standards issues, regardless of its outcome. You've done nothing wrong, you haven't been penalized and she should not be talking about you behind your back.

Lastly, you can call her out in chapter meeting and state your case, and, without making her look like a complete fool, outside of stating the facts, re-enforce your contributions to the sorority, clear up the misunderstanding, tell her that you will forgive her for saying untrue things about if she will acknowledge her mistake and apologize.

These kinds of office politics are going to follow you throughout your life-- in the workplace, family situations, the community activities you participate in and more. Women can be vicious, especially women in power, and especially toward other women whom they perceive as a threat to their position and power. The best you can do is 1) work with men only (a near impossibility), 2) confront the person, 3) involve the sorority equivalent of HR, all the way to the top if need be, or 4) burn your bridges and have a knock-down, drag out cat fight. The choice is yours. If you have nothing to lose, #4 makes for an amusing option that makes you feel better. But more realistically, go with a variation on options 2 & 3.

You will regret it if you let this lie. She needs to know how she has made you feel, and if you feel strongly enough that the other chapter members deserve to hear your side of the story-- then tell it! You both deserve for the confrontation to be delivered tactfully in order to preserve your dignity and to help her be a better adviser.

[BobbyTheDon]

Listen to ADPiUFC. That was some good advice.


Ok, now since she gave you some good politically correct advice, I'll give you some advice that you would probably want to hear.


1- Start spreading rumors about her, and say that you heard it from someone else

2- Work your magic to somehow get her to resign



The key words for this all are "passive aggressive" baby. Do it up ChiO84. And don't let anyone get you down. Just bring them down with you, and then kick them

[MrsMcCartney]

Check your pms, ChiO. Don't let this go or she'll just be pulling it on someone else when you're gone. I don't know about other GLOs but in Chi Omega it is stressed that advisors do just that: advise. Nothing more, nothing less. Of course there are times when we get personally involved in things, or develop special relationships with certain girls, etc. But the chapter runs itself, period. She should never call you out in front of your active sisters like that, particularly since she is not your Personnel Advisor.

[Tom Earp]

IO dont know how some GLOs work as I ahve been told, but an Advisor is just that, to Advise.

I know in LXA, The Advisor does have Power to regulate if it is needed, bt not in the same way as You explained in Your Post.

Have a sit down first and try to find out what the problem is and try to work it out. If that doesnt work, sit with You Exec. Board and discuss it.

Also, as You said, You are close to Graduation. There is a life after Undergrad for You and You Sisters from all over.