Quote:
Originally posted by bestrong
hi i am going out with a serbian boy whom i have fell in love with- we have been seeing each other for over year and I met his parents recently- the problem is that his parents disapprove of me- this is breaking my heart- and he saids that he loves me and he know that he does but his parents are giving him so much - why cant they be happy for us? i am such a good person and knowing that they hate me breaks my heart every day and i find myself crying everyday
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People from Eastern Europe and the Balkans have a backward sense of roles when it comes to relationships when you look at it from our culture. They think you are supposed to break your back for their family to prove yourself worthy of acceptance. You need to understand that immigrant families have a strong sense of unity and any outsider, especially an ethinic outsider, can mean a kink in the chain as far as the way things work. To them a kink in the chain means instability and living in a country that is foreign to them makes it that much more a frightening situation. These people depend on each other for everything. In our culture we are taught from an early age to be independent, our society brings you up that way. America itself was founded by independent people. The "we can do it on our own without anyone elses help" is how we became a country. Texas is a good example of this. People from the region your boyfriend is from never grew up with that sense of independence. They came to another country but still they depend on the family members for everything. To understand your boyfriend and his family you need to understand their culture. Study their country they came from. When they were under soviet control they depended on the state for work, food, everything. They had a war a little over 10 years ago and had to depend on each other even more. They come from a society much different that yours and mine. To understand them you need to understand their people.
If you are in this for the long term then maybe you should show some sort of appreciation for them and give them a sense that you're willing to be one of them. Think of jews when trying to understand this situation. Up until the past 40 or 50 years jewish people never dated/married outside their circles and if they did they were cut off from their families. And that went on for 4,000 years if I am correct.
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