What if you found out he was married ?

[blueberi1920]

Sorors and friends,

Men just blow me. My cousin called me crying her eyes out at 4 in the mornine because she foud out her so-called boyfirend is married. Poor child is so heartbroken, she spent almost 2 years with the dummy, they talked about marriage, and then she was talking to some random chick about him, and it was revealed he got married a while back. she couldn't understand, neither could I, They live together and have property together.
Well needless to say, she'll be staying with me for a while, until she straightens herself out.
She is sure that his wife doesn't know, but she's not going to tell her. She figures why mess up her life too.
My question is what would you do? Would you tell the wife or not?

[Shelacious]

I wouldn't tell the wife. Not because it would or would not mess her life up, but why would I want to continue the torture of being involved with the situation in any way, shape or form? I loved him, he was married. Now I need to focus on ME, not HE any longer, and that includes anything that relates to him. While it would seem that I would be happier telling her (misery loves company), most likely I would be made out the fool--again--and feel even worse as a result--and they'd still be together.

The chickens always come home to roost. What comes around goes around. God don't like ugly. Trite phrases to be sure, but they're still said for a reason. And I wouldn't be so sure the wife doesn't know--the wife may suspect, but hasn't/doesn't want to deal with it.

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Finer Womanhood: the "Cat's Meow" Since 1920

[Chi_ZETABBW]

Sorry Sorors & Sisterfriends
I just don't buy it. How could you not know.
Especially after 2 years. Ladies leave these married men alone, forget what you were told, we don't have a man shortage, or need to share. I'm personally tired of this game. No one have morals any more.
I did the married thing once in my late teens. Call me "FAST". But that was almost 20 years ago.
My ex was a cheater. I gave him one chance. He got caught again, I left him. It was hard, but I LOVE ME. Now I'm engaged again to a great guy, but if he get caught he's out too.

[PrettyKitty]

I have to agree with ChiZeta...

That's a HOT MESS!

I am sorry, I would have to tell the wife on this one and if she choosed to stay with dude, then that's her stupidity.
But as for your cousin...she needs to MOVE ON!


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The Epitome of Beauty, Style, and Grace, Always Exemplifying Good Taste, A Zeta Woman, A Finer Woman, That's Me!

[Eclipse]

Originally posted by blueberi1920:
Sorors and friends,

she couldn't understand, neither could I, They live together and have property together.

I know your question was about whether or not she should tell the wife, but I have a question. If they lived together how could she not know?? If he was married I am sure he did not spend every night at home with her so how did he explain it? It just reminds me of a show that was on Lifetime a while back about a pilot who had (I think) 3 different families in 3 different cities.

[tickledpink]

Have his cake & eat it too,... I'd tell it and stop him dead in his tracks.

[The Original Ape]

But what if YOU KNEW HE LOVED YOU, and was honest with you about everything except this?

What if you really loved him?

[Shelacious]

Originally posted by The Original Ape:
But what if YOU KNEW HE LOVED YOU, and was honest with you about everything except this?

What if you really loved him?

Oh I don't doubt that he loves the mistress, but what's that got to do with the price of fish? The fact remaines that he's still married, and apparently has no intention on leaving wifey anytime soon. Because the "except this" is a big one, it matters not that he was honest about everything else.

I would tuck tail, kick myself for getting so involved with a man to whom I was not married from jump (why would I buy property with a man to whom I have no legal obligation anyway?) and end this painful chapter in my life. Like I said, I would not tell the wife, but that's just me. If I did, it would be out of pure spitefullness. I have never seen any good (for the mistress) come out of the mistress telling the married wife that her husband steps out.

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Finer Womanhood: the "Cat's Meow" Since 1920

[SoTrue1920]

(incredulous look)

It seems to me that marital status is a pretty major thing to be dishonest about. How can you love someone whose entire life with you is based on a lie? I'd have to love myself more than I loved him in this situation.

Originally posted by The Original Ape:
But what if YOU KNEW HE LOVED YOU, and was honest with you about everything except this?

What if you really loved him?

[Chi_ZETABBW]

If the man loves the mistress so much, this would not be a topic. When men say they can't leave because of the kids, money, financial bonds, that's just talk. You can be a good/great father and not live with your children.

[mccoyred]

If he loved me, he would not LIE about someting so major as his marital status which has legal as well as social and moral obligations. How could someone be honest about everything EXCEPT his marital status? He had to lie about where he spent the night, his financial situation, his time committment, his parental status, etc.

If I thought I loved him, I would have to admit to myself that I loved who I THOUGHT he was not who he really is!

Originally posted by The Original Ape:
But what if YOU KNEW HE LOVED YOU, and was honest with you about everything except this?

What if you really loved him?

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MCCOYRED
Mu Psi '86
BaltCo Alumnae

Dynamic...Salient...Temperate...Since 1913