rejections starting to hurt again...what should I do?

[I_Love_Penguins]

I wasn't really sure where to post this so I am just posting it here and if it needs to be moved, then so be it.

Anyway. Anyone who read my recruitment story knows that unlike most of the girls who have posted in that forum, I did not get a bid to a sorority. However, my roommate and neighbor were fortunate and got bids to one of the same sororities I wanted to be in. This is what made the rejection hit especially hard.

Well as it turns out, the weekend after bids day (bids day was a Thursday night here), I had planned to take a trip home to visit my family and do some things I enjoyed...basically just getting a break from campus in general. I took the advice of the GCers on here and used the trip home to heal from the rejection and refocus so that I could come back to school ready to move on. I am involved in other activities, work on campus, and have non Greek friends, so I thought moving on would be a piece of cake. And last week I was fine.

However, tonight I could feel the pain of rejection coming back. My roommate was happy last week b/c she got the big sister she was hoping to get and she also recieved various gifts from her big. It's not that I'm unhappy for my roommate or was feeling sorry for myself over my rejection, but seeing her excitement hurt me. I want to have letters on my wall and have a big sister and hang out with a pledge class. Like I said, it's not that I don't have friends or don't have clubs to be in...but as has been said on here, nothing is a substitute for Greek Life.

The other part that's hard is seeing how other girls I rushed with got into sororities and they also have this pledging experience to enjoy. It's difficult looking at sorority websites and seeing the pictures of the new pledge class...at least one of which had people I knew in them. Also Facebook photo albums can be kind of a dead giveaway since pictures from bids night are up in various photo albums on there too.

I don't understand what happened all of a sudden. Last week I was moving on just fine and going about my other activities and being with friends...now all of a sudden, all the hurt is coming back.

What should I do?

[Beanblossom1]

Your story breaks my heart. Rejection is never easy regardless if its joining a group, a job, a relationship, whatever. I know this is very cliche - time really does heal wounds. It stinks at the time, but it will get easier. Whenever I'm down, I totally immerse myself with my job. Maybe you could immerse yourself with your non-greek activities, schoolwork, your job, anything to take your mind off of it. I'm very sorry that you are hurting right now. Hang in there.

[AChiOhSnap]

I apologize if my advice is off the mark, since I am unaware of the general greek climate at your university. However, at my school, there are always people in your situation after every recruitment. It seems like the girls who are in your situation (i.e. going through recruitment but not being placed) do one of three things:

1. Refocusing their hurt energy into making a successful second recruitment.
2. Refocusing their hurt energy into a new activity (club, group of friends, etc.) that will allow them to blossom as much or more than a sorority would.
3. Going on about their lives just fine but with bitterness toward Greeks.

In my experience, those are the three things that happen to women after a disappointing recruitment. If you were to ask me, I would suggest option number one for you. I understand it would be difficult, and it could be potentially heartbreaking again but you said yourself that you WANT a sorority experience -- letters, bid nights, and all that fun stuff that goes along with it. However, you are the ONLY one that can evaluate whether or not this option is feasible for you.... you need to be absolutely honest with yourself, but if you want the Greek experience then you should try again.

To be honest with you, it takes a lot of women a 2nd or even 3rd recruitment to find their home. I am of the opinion that there's no shame in trying again (at some schools it is next to impossible to receive a bid after an unsuccessful first recruitment, so you need to objectively look at your Greek climate and figure out what the prospects are for going through recruitment again). If your school has decent prospects for upperclasswomen or "rerushees," then you MIGHT want to consider it. But again, please decide for yourself -- I don't know your situation well enough to strongly advise you either way.

If option number one is NOT for you, then just know that time will heal. It's a waiting game, and it's understandable that you would be especially sensitive in light of the bid nights, little-big weeks, parties, new member activities, etc. The hurt will pass. Waiting is all you can do, but after awhile, you can focus your energy into something else that will give you fulfillment. I'm not going to stand here and say "Oh, join a club -- it will make up for the fact that you're not in a sorority." You CAN find something that will give you fulfillment, and it might be different but it's no less valid than the satisfaction you would get by joining a GLO.

Please don't pick option 3. I'm not saying you WOULD, but I see so many beautiful, smart, talented women who would have had an entirely successful second recruitment fall into the "I'm a GDI, I hate f-in Greek life" trap. You are smart enough and strong enough to have the kind of life where you will gracefully manage hurting and disappointment. I promise you that.

I'm sorry, I'm rambling. I hope I haven't given you totally terrible advice, but I loved your story and I do wish you all the luck in the world. Please keep us updated. Lots of love and good karma is being sent your way.

[Duchovnysfan]

I_Love_Penguins, please check your PM box

[kddani]

It's been awhile since recruitment ended. Have you considered seeing the counseling center on your campus? It's free and confidential and maybe they can help you get over this and refocus yourself. Dwindling on what might have been won't get you anywhere. You need to focus on yourself and your future.

[wrigley]

*hugs*
I'm sorry you had a setback when your roomate got her big sister.
Sometimes it happens. It's perfectly normal to be a bit envious . I agree it's not easy. You've shown a great deal of depth by being able to get along with your Greek roomate. You've figured out that you need to work through those feelings of envy that can pop up at the most unexpected moments.

I agree with kddani that your campus's(sp?) counseling center would be a great place for you to get a plan in place so you know what to do when these feelings happen the next time. The coping skills you learn now will serve you well after you've graduated from college.

Also do yourself a favor and try to avoid looking at sorority websites and Greek Facebook(sp?) pages. There's no need to add fuel to the fire regarding negative thoughts about yourself. You don't need it nor do you deserve it.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

The Original Poster started this thread on 2/21 which was just a week and a half after she didn't receive a bid. I hope that a month later she is feeling better about the situation.

[Rollergirl2001]

Kddani is right. See a campus counselor. It took me a semester to get over the rejection. Getting over the rejection is not easy, but it will pass. I so happy that you and your room/hallmates are still friends. Please, please work on your grades.

[UKDaisy]

I'm sorry sweetheart. Rejections hurt, and are not easy to get over. I'm sorry you had a setback. I know that's hard. Just to continue to try to focus on the positives. You have to try to look forward. B/c you never know what's ahead and what you'll miss out on by looking at the past.

*hugs* I hope you have a better week.

[Buttonz]

*hug*

[I_Love_Penguins]

Wow! Sorry for not responding to everyone's advice sooner; I just assumed my thread had disappeared. Plus I haven't really been on the rush forum in the last few days. My apologies.

But yes, I am feeling better about the situation. Time has been flying around here and after that setback, I did manage to get involved in my schoolwork and my job and other things I love. I am still considering rushing again in the fall, but only if I have time to go through formal rush again. It will all depend on when I end up working and whatnot. If the entire rush process doesn't fit into my schedule, I'm going to try to COB or go to Alpha Phi Omega. I know APhiO isn't the same thing, but it's still worth a shot. It's just too early for me to make a decision about it.

Yesterday I returned to school from spring break and upon checking my mailbox, I recieved a flyer from the Greek Life office that sorority sweeten ups are being held tonight again. I'm not really sure why because I didn't know my school did that at this stage of the semester, but I think I'm going to go. Even though it's just basically an info night again, I think it'll help me decide for sure if I want to put myself through the entire process.

Only seven weeks left of school here!

[adpiucf]

Originally posted by I_Love_Penguins
I'm going to try to COB or go to Alpha Phi Omega. I know APhiO isn't the same thing, but it's still worth a shot. It's just too early for me to make a decision about it....

Yesterday I returned to school from spring break and upon checking my mailbox, I recieved a flyer from the Greek Life office that sorority sweeten ups are being held tonight again...

There are plenty of GC Alpha Phi Omegas who can share their great experiences with you -- I hope you enjoy meeting the chapter on your campus and learning what they are all about. Also, have fun at the sweeten-ups-- is this an informal recruitment event? I say go for it-- the climate is going to be a lot more laid back than formal and you'll have a chance to really get a sense of the members and they of you that you perhaps missed out on in formal. Go in with an open mind and have a great time!

[33girl]

Alpha Phi Omega is not a substitute for a social sorority or fraternity.

Please only pursue membership in Alpha Phi Omega if you are truly looking for a SERVICE FIRST fraternity experience. Doing otherwise is disrespectful to our fraternity and its brothers.

[I_Love_Penguins]

Well unfortunately I just realized I am probably going to be unable to attend tomorrow night's sorority event because I might have to work and it's too late to ask for the night off. Plus work is just more important to me...gotta get that money! But I'm not abandoning my thoughts of re-rushing just cause I can't attend tomorrow night.

[Tom Earp]

Originally posted by 33girl
Alpha Phi Omega is not a substitute for a social sorority or fraternity.

Please only pursue membership in Alpha Phi Omega if you are truly looking for a SERVICE FIRST fraternity experience. Doing otherwise is disrespectful to our fraternity and its brothers.

I agree on this point and am disappointed that If You do not get accepted in a Social GLO that You consider APO a substitue.

APO is a Stand alone Greek Letter Organization that should stand on its own as a Serivce Organizatin. It is Important in Its own right.

While I and the rest wish You the very best of Luck, it is not the end of the world if Not accepted by a GLO Social Organization. Maybe it is not ment for everyone.

There are many factors that keep people out and who knows that but those Organizations.

The Best to You!