What do you think about black and white????

[Bunny]

My best friend is a black man that I have known for many years. Since I have known him he has only dated women that were either white, multi-racial, and asian. He told me that he does not like to date black women and he gave me reasons for this, He says that black women treat him like they always want something from him (money), he says that they never want to except him as far as him being short (he's 5'4). I have a real problem with this. He has been my friend forever and I love him very much, but this part of him I find hard to except. The thing about this is I have tried to explain to him that he should not judge one whole race by the way some people are in the race act. I think that it is hard for him to except what I say because over 9 years of friendship he has had bad experiences with black women. Nothing I say will change his stereotypes towards black women. I have tried to tell him that I am offended by the way he feels because for I am multi-culltural (mixed with black, white and Native American)and for him to be so close to me it hurts. I don't understand. My question is to the board is what do you think about the fact that some black men really do feel this way about their own women? and Why do you think they feel this way?

[Shelacious]

Hi Bunny,

Yes, some people do indeed shape their opinions of an entire group of people based upon their own limited experiences with a few. Men traditionally seem to carry this "baggage" even more easily than women (I can't trust any women because when I was 8, 16, 24, my first love used me and broke my heart) do.

While I may find the line of thinking exhibited by these folks rather shortsighted, only they are missing out of the possibility of a good mate based upon their own hang-ups. He simply may not be attracted to black women, and once again, while limiting, how can he be ultimately be faulted for that?

I used to be more concerned about this when I was younger, but I've since realized that it is difficult to change people's perceptions when they don't want to change them. The best I can offer is a prime example of a giving, successful (yet humble--right), fun-loving, spiritual black woman through my actions, and all can appreciate that...come forth! Those that can't... just miss out.

Good luck with your friend.
shela.

[ZetaAce]

Well, I think it's sad that some black men feel this way about black women. However, I think that they are struggling with their own issues, and more importantly their own self image. Men who feel this way also fail to realize that they are talking about their own mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and sisters.

I say to each his own. I have no problem with interracial dating. To those men who only date outside of their race need to come to terms with what's bothering them about being black. And believe it or not I can think of two white guys who feel the same way about white women. I know of black women and white women who feel the same way. It's not just black men that have this way of thinking.

You are not going to change your friend's mind. Let him be. Hopefully he will learn the error of his train of thought eventually.

ZetaAce

[This message has been edited by ZetaAce (edited September 28, 2000).]