Interracial relationships, the acid test of racism?

[James]

I am watching the movie "Something New" the other night and a piece of dialogue stuck out.

The female lead says she doesn't date white men, its a preference not a prejudice.

He replies, ITs your preference to be prejudiced?

The movie itself is about a black woman that starts dating a white man against her better judgement but falls in love with him.

So I thought about that piece of dialogue.

I mean if I am attracted to a member of another race but refuse to date her wouldn't that make me racist?

Lets make it even less easy to rationalize. Lets say the girl comes froma similar background and socio-economic status.

If I am attracted to her and won't date her, I guess that would make me a racist.

If I wouldn't date a girl that had less money, I would be a snob or elitist . . . but in this case the reason would be race.

I mean seriously, we can mouth all the platitudes in the world about our tolerance, about how we have friends from other races, and how race doesn't shouldn't matter.

But, the put up or shut up time might very well be when confronted with attraction to a member of another race . . . and then whether we decide to date them or not.

A sort of real life acid test of our convictions.

Anyone else have an opinion? If you are attracted to a member of another race and refuse to date them, are you not in fact racist?

I emphasize attraction because its hard to help who you are attracted to.

[smiley21]

I do not think that it is entirely fair to say that because you won't date another race, it makes you racist. On the other hand, you should definitely analyze your reasons, because they make hold some racist views.
But I believe that someone can choose the kind of person that they want to date and NOT be racist or elitist or whatever.

I will never date someone with a criminal record regardless if he changed his life around. Does that make me intolerant? No. It is my preference.

You can prefer to date a certain race and not have to prove your racial tolerance to others by dating another race or ethnicity. If you do not want to date someone of another race, you do not have to. There could be plenty of other reasons why that has NOTHING do with being racist. You do not have say "oh yeah, of course I will date outside my race" to be considered racially tolerant. It is your perrogative. You know your own heart and views. If there are some racist attitudes, then change it.


ETA: I would love to hear Jill1228's thoughts on this.

[Sistermadly]

I don't think it's as cut and dried as James makes it out to be. At some point, people need to understand that every time someone expresses a preference for something that it doesn't automatically mean that everything else is somehow "less than".

I prefer to drive compact cars over a huge SUV. Does that mean I hate SUVs? No, it simply means that it doesn't fit in with my lifestyle, and my self-perception. More power to anyone who does drive one in the face of soaring gas prices.

In many ways, the issues brought up in the film Something New (which I haven't seen) cross over into greek life as well, but that's probably a topic for a thread of its own.

I think there's a world of difference between saying "I prefer to date black men because we share similar cultural experiences and the way we look at the world," versus saying "I prefer to date black men because I don't like/don't trust white people." I don't think it makes you racist to say that you would prefer to date members of your own race. Furthermore, I don't think you really even need to qualify why you've made that choice unless you fear being misunderstood, and you think it's important for people to know that your preference isn't based on xenophobia or hatred.

Preference does not equal prejudice in every situation.

[James]

I think you are both raising good points.

But again I would like to place the emphasis on situations where you are highly attracted to a member of another race.

In the abstract, or in the resume approach to dating, there are a lot of people that we might not date if we had pre qualified them, but that we did date because we got to know them and ended up liking them, or we were just highly attracted to them.

So yes, I do understand what you are saying about preferences.

But what I am talking about is meeting someone you are strongly attracted to and that all else being equal you would be tripping over yourself to date them, but won't because they are not the same race.

I think that goes beyond mere preference.

[UKDaisy]

I don't think I'm racist. But I've never dated anyone other than white. I just don't think the opportunity has presented itself.

Now if I had a chance with let's say Keith Bogans or Ludicrus and I didn't jump on it ......I would find that somewhat unsettling in my head. B/c both of those men I find attractive.

[Sistermadly]

Maybe it does in your specific case, James. If so, then I can't really say whether you're racist or not.

Maybe you don't want to date outside of your race because you don't want to put up with the societal pressure. Maybe you don't want to date outside your race because of the "unknown" factor. Are those racist reasons? I really don't think so.

However, if the only thing you can come up with is "I don't want do date this person because she's non-white", then you have to ask yourself what that means to you, and what pre-conceived notions you're bringing to the table of what that non-whiteness means. If non-white = inferior, then yes, it's racism.

But as they say in the musical Avenue Q, "Everyone's a little bit racist sometimes/doesn't mean we go around commiting hate crimes..."

[honeychile]

Y'all have made some excellent points! I've never dated a non-white man, even though I have a biracial cousin (foster that she may be, we're very close). I honestly think it's more because I've seen first-hand the confusion she's dealt with over the years than anything else. Yet I've noticed over the years that I also have a preference for blond or red-haired men who are between 5'10" and 5'11 1/2" and left-handed. Of course it's not written in stone, but when someone sees a photo of someone you dated in high school and thinks it's the man you're currently dating, I'd say that you have a pattern.

Following a preference is one thing. Denying a very real attraction because you feel you're better than the other person is what would make you a racist.

[James]

Personally.

I like anything thats good looking regardless of background.

Originally posted by Sistermadly
Maybe it does in your specific case, James. If so, then I can't really say whether you're racist or not.

[preciousjeni]

Originally posted by James
Personally.

I like anything thats good looking regardless of background.

Oh my - you really said "anything."

[tld221]

Originally posted by James
Personally.

I like anything thats good looking regardless of background.

that's all fine and good, but in this movie it was more than "like" cause they eventually get married.

p.s. doens't anyone see that the movie was more about class than race? honestly, she would have NOT dated/married that guy if he was black.

there's one part of the movie where she says to simon baker's character "you couldn't afford me," which i think was pretty clear... she seemed to want someone successful with prestige and $, but blair underwood's character was "perfect" but even after those things on her "list," it wasnt was she wanted.


Anyone else have an opinion? If you are attracted to a member of another race and refuse to date them, are you not in fact racist?

I emphasize attraction because its hard to help who you are attracted to.

to answer your question:
No, this wouldn't make you a racist. i think we've all been attracted to ppl outside our race, but choose not to date them for many reasons, including "well, theyre ___________ (fill in whatever race)" but it's reality because of whatever behavior you associate with that race, and that's the prejudice. so if i say, "i'm attracted to white men but i won't date them," its not solely cause he;s white, its because of the characteristics i may associate with white men that i dont find attractive in men overall.

the only reasonable parallel i can draw is this: surely, ive been attracted to my share of women, and i can comfortably say that, but would i ever date a woman, prolly not. does that mean i'm sexist/homophobic? hardly. do i have a preference as to which sex i date? surely.

p.s. there are pages on this very topic in the AKA forum if you're interested in varying opinions.

[Optimist Prime]

I would. Date some one out of "race"


I don't even like that term, as it implies running, which I find pointless, since I have an automobile.

[Honeykiss1974]

Originally posted by Optimist Prime
I would. Date some one out of "race"


I don't even like that term, as it implies running, which I find pointless, since I have an automobile.

ROTFL!!!!!!!!

[Lil' Hannah]

Originally posted by honeychile
I've never dated a non-white man, even though I have a biracial cousin (foster that she may be, we're very close).

Is this the same as "I have friends who are black"? Why do you mention her in every single discussion about race that ever comes up around here?

[honeychile]

Originally posted by Lil' Hannah
Is this the same as "I have friends who are black"? Why do you mention her in every single discussion about race that ever comes up around here?

A) Because I'm very proud of Monica.
B) Because there are people with signatures etc who incorrectly insinuate that a white person cannot live or have lived below the Mason-Dixon line without being a flaming racist.
C) Because, in a way, having had the experience of growing up with her gives me a perspective that many other white people don't have.
D) Not everyone is so fascinated with my posts that they need to read every one of them.

Hope that satisfies you for now.

[Rudey]

Originally posted by Lil' Hannah
Is this the same as "I have friends who are black"? Why do you mention her in every single discussion about race that ever comes up around here?

The same reason she brings up her cousin that is a Jew for Jesus. I mean it's not a big deal or anything; it's just kinda strange.

And dating someone or having sex with them really doesn't make you a better person. Go up to any guy and ask him "Would you hit it?" and you'll see how he surprises you.

-Rudey