Thanksgiving with the Family?

honeychile · #1 11-17-2005, 12:15 AM

Okay, I need some honest opinions.

A lot of y'all know what's been up with my life - I usually live alone, but when my mother had 2 heart attacks & 4 surgeries almost two years ago, I thought I'd stay with her for a couple nights to get her back on her feet. I'm still here - I've spent exactly 12 nights in my own house in 22 months!

Prior to this, my brother & sister-in-law would never come to family Easter dinners at my house because she wanted to ride and they're not big on Easter. I accepted that. Last month, I made dinner for my mother's birthday, and purposely made pot roast as my sister-in-law has always liked it - but then she brought her own meat! Most of my relatives are surprised that I'm still speaking to her!

They usually host Thanksgiving, which is out on their farm, and not served until late, again, so she can ride. I end up holding my mother's little Bichon so their Dobermans don't harrass him too much. It's a frazzling affair, and I've tried to get out of it for years.

When I heard that someone was coming to whom I'm not even speaking, I lost it today, and said that's it, I'll drive my mother out there, but won't be there. And now I'm the "bad guy"!

Am I so wrong? Is it so terrible to want to be alone, for even one lousy day? Or should I suck it up and realize that I might not have a family someday, and will regret missing it?

wrigley · #2 11-17-2005, 01:45 AM

Usually I'd say you'd suck it up but not in this case.

It's not a case of you being the bad guy at all .You have been your mother's predominant caregiver for close two years. Get a hold of your brother and let him know he needs to pitch in for one day to help his mother. The mother who raised him, fed him, and changed his diapers. Please explain to him, the reasoning is that this is one of the times where you know that your mom is going to be in good hands and surrounded by family. He is not allowed to bring your sister-in-law into the conversation. This is about him spending time with his mother.

You deserve a day off.

I'd like to apologize for the following remark. Because I'm a Yankee, I have to ask, what in the world is your sister-in-law riding anyhow? A bull, donkey, flamingo, lawnmower, or a broom?

A pm will follow.

Optimist Prime · #3 11-17-2005, 10:55 AM

I think she means her sister-in-law rides a horse.

Although, I do agree that bringing your own meet to a dinner where your favorite was made you is rude, so I don't feel you are "the bad guy" in this. You shouldn't have to spend Thanksgiving with Jerks.

JennRN · #4 11-17-2005, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by wrigley
Usually I'd say you'd suck it up but not in this case.

It's not a case of you being the bad guy at all .You have been your mother's predominant caregiver for close two years. Get a hold of your brother and let him know he needs to pitch in for one day to help his mother. The mother who raised him, fed him, and changed his diapers. Please explain to him, the reasoning is that this is one of the times where you know that your mom is going to be in good hands and surrounded by family. He is not allowed to bring your sister-in-law into the conversation. This is about him spending time with his mother.

You deserve a day off.

I'd like to apologize for the following remark. Because I'm a Yankee, I have to ask, what in the world is your sister-in-law riding anyhow? A bull, donkey, flamingo, lawnmower, or a broom?

A pm will follow.

HAHAHA, at the "what is she riding question". Very funny.

But otherwise, I agree with this post entirely.

AOIIBrandi · #5 11-17-2005, 11:41 AM

I don't think you're being a jerk. SIL has already shown that she has little regard for you, while you seem to have gone out of your way to make her feel comfortable. I see no problem with not going, let her help out for once.

EEKappa · #6 11-17-2005, 12:04 PM

I think you are a candidate for sainthood!

And I also agree with everything that has been said about having your brother take responsibility for your mom for one day. After all you've done, it's his turn.

Want to start a "My Sister In Law is Selfish Princess" Club? I've got one too.

FSUZeta · #7 11-17-2005, 01:34 PM

honey, how could we ever think badly of you? we love you!! i figured that sister in law was either horse back riding or broom riding!

i think that brother should step up to the plate, and drive in and pick up your mother and bring her back home after the meal. if brother does that, then you can make plans of your own-whether you get together with friends, or choose to spend a relaxing day by yourself.

and bringing your own meat to a dinner that is not a pot luck is just tacky!! i hope that she had to prepare it herself!

lifesaver · #8 11-17-2005, 03:29 PM

Spend it with yourself.

I enjoy spending thanksgiving with myself. I coudl go to Houston to be with the family, but t-day has never been a big deal for us. So I cook a big meal here at the house and have leftovers for weeks!

(Plus, Reckelss Kelly is playing at Gruene the night before and I havent seen them since May cause stuff keeps coming up that keeps me from going, weddings, birthdays, I get sick, etc. so I want to see them.)

Peaches-n-Cream · #9 11-17-2005, 03:37 PM

I've sat out holidays a few times for reasons not even close to what you described. I just needed/wanted a break.

I'm so sorry about your situation with your mother. I think that your brother ought to pick her up and drive her home to you.

Do you have any plans for Thanksgiving? If not, treat yourself by going to a nice restaurant and having a delicious meal. You deserve to be waited on after all that you have been through.