Are our teens dating (or having boy/girlfriends) too young?

Rollergirl2001 · #1 12-10-2005, 03:09 AM

I keep on hearing that teens todya have boyfriends and girlfriends at 13 years old. Now, at first, I thought that it was a joke, but it's not.

I think that they are much too young to date at 13 (or have a boyfriend or girlfriend for that matter). When I was going to middle and high school, I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16. My friends couldn't date until they were 16. There were VERY FEW people that date before they're 16.

I think that if you (and other people) have a boyfriend or girlfriend too early, then that person who would be singled out would be pressured to try hard and it could lead to negative consequenses (i.e. low self-esteem)

What do you guys think and what age did your parents allow for you to date?

Buttonz · #2 12-10-2005, 04:39 AM

I don't think it should be an age thing, because everyone matures at a different pace. Just my thinking though.

For me, there was never really a set age, it just happened. Same with my younger sister.

lyrica9 · #3 12-10-2005, 08:14 AM

you have to keep in mind, in jr.high having a boyfriend/girlfriend is typically a bit different than when you're older. it mainly consists of holding hands in the hallway and having mom take you to the movies or the mall on saturdays. as far as i remember at least...

WhiteDaisy128 · #4 12-10-2005, 09:26 AM

I'm a 5th grade teacher and so my kids are 10 and 11 for the most part. Many of them have crushes, but it won't be until late spring that they make official boyfriends and girlfriends...but year after year, it DOES happen in 5th grade. Now, like it was said before, calling someone your boyfriend or girlfriend is certainly not the same as it is in High School. Some boyfriend/girlfriends will never even talk to each other...just pass notes...others will hold hands and hug and stuff...it scares me. I've heard rumors of MUCH worse going on, but it's never at or around school, so I try to ignore it (it gives me the eebie geebies).

aephi alum · #5 12-10-2005, 12:21 PM

When I was 13, 17 years ago, I had classmates who had boyfriends/girlfriends. Mostly "having a boyfriend/girlfriend" at that age consisted of holding hands, passing notes, eating lunch together, hanging out after school, etc. For a few people (read: the class slut) it meant rather more than that.

According to my parents, now that I'm 30, I'm allowed to date.

Did I mention that I've been married for six years??

Kevin · #6 12-10-2005, 12:24 PM

That's what it consisted of then.

In some schools, the cultural norms are MUCH different when it comes to relations between "boyfriend/girlfriend".

I don't want to offend, so I won't go any further, but y'all can use your imagination.

Taualumna · #7 12-10-2005, 12:45 PM

I'm 26 and I knew girls with boyfriends when they were in Grade 8...since I went to an all girls' school, "dating" meant hanging out after school and on weekends.

Kids' literature has portrayed "dating" in a middle school/junior high environment for at least 20-30 years. Mary Anne Spiers (Baby-sitters Club) and Jana Morgan (Fabulous Five) both had boyfriends and they were 13 years old.

AchtungBaby80 · #8 12-10-2005, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by aephi alum
Mostly "having a boyfriend/girlfriend" at that age consisted of holding hands, passing notes, eating lunch together, hanging out after school, etc. For a few people (read: the class slut) it meant rather more than that.

That's exactly how it was when I was in middle school, too. I had little "boyfriends" all through elementary school--that just meant that you had mutual crushes on each other, and that was about it--but then in middle school you stepped it up a little bit and started passing notes and walking in the hallways together. Occasionally, someone's mom would drive you and a group of friends with your boy/girlfriend included to the movies or something, but nobody ever really hung out one-on-one. That was for the high school set.

As far as "official" dating, I wasn't allowed until I was 16. However, since my younger sister is the baby she's been allowed to meet guys at the movies since she was about 14, but there are usually other friends around, too. I can't imagine kids that are 12-14 years old going on one-on-one dates, but my town was pretty small so that wasn't the norm. However, I did have a pen pal once who lived in a large city, and she used to write about dating 16 and 17-year-old guys (she was about 14 at the time) and them taking her out to eat and stuff. I can't imagine that--let alone my parents allowing it!

kstar · #9 12-10-2005, 05:06 PM

Hell, I never went on official, one-on-one dates until college.

Though, my first boyfriend was in second grade. We held hands and he kissed me on cheek one day when I scored a goal playing soccer during recess. Then he moved away during spring break.

Middle school my dates consisted of hanging out in groups at the movie theatre, library, mall, or other people's houses. Kissing was involved, but not anything else. We never did anything at school, except hold hands walking to class.

High school mostly consisted of big group dates to nicer restaurants.

I don't think anything has changed, really. I also don't think that they're starting too young. If the attraction is there, and they handle it in an appropriate way, along with the parents having constant discussions with their children; I think it's adorable. Young love...

Taualumna · #10 12-10-2005, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kstar
Hell, I never went on official, one-on-one dates until college.

Though, my first boyfriend was in second grade. We held hands and he kissed me on cheek one day when I scored a goal playing soccer during recess. Then he moved away during spring break.

Middle school my dates consisted of hanging out in groups at the movie theatre, library, mall, or other people's houses. Kissing was involved, but not anything else. We never did anything at school, except hold hands walking to class.

High school mostly consisted of big group dates to nicer restaurants.

I don't think anything has changed, really. I also don't think that they're starting too young. If the attraction is there, and they handle it in an appropriate way, along with the parents having constant discussions with their children; I think it's adorable. Young love...

I had a boyfriend in kindergarten...his name was Russ and we hung out at the sand table and water table

Optimist Prime · #11 12-11-2005, 12:32 AM

13 is normal age to have first girlfriend/boyfriend.

Again, O-Prime says relax, America. Everything will be okay. Put on your slippers, go back to bed.

hoosier · #12 12-11-2005, 12:13 PM

Exactly when does the coed slumber party begin?

christiangirl · #13 12-12-2005, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by hoosier
Exactly when does the coed slumber party begin?

My dad offered to throw one for me at 17--there was only one boy invited and my dad thought he was gay (he'd throw a fit if I told him he's not).

I also know that junior high is a time for hand holding and passing notes, at least that's how it USED to be. Keep in mind that today, about 20% of teens have had sex BY age 15. So for 1/5 of the nation, younger days aren't what they used to be. But for the most part, it's truly innocent and no one really does the traditional "date" anymore, not that young. A "date" is going out to the movies and dinner with friends, bringing a 'date' to a party, or coming over to the house to add to that 20%.

Personally, I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16, but I didn't get asked until I was 18 anyway, so it doesn't matter to me. I'll let my kids start group dating in junior high, but one-on-one, whenever I feel they are mature enough not to do anything.....well, that would make them a STATISTIC

.

AlphaFrog · #14 12-12-2005, 03:59 PM

I started dating (and I mean one-on-one) dating when I was 14. My parents were cool with it. It just wasn't that big of deal.