Dating someone young-ish and divorced

kddani · #1 10-03-2005, 06:02 PM

Lately i've met a few decent guys when i've been out. Intelligent, good looking, nice, etc. Catch is, divorced. It seems there's more and more guys in my age range (25-34ish) that are divorced. I think i'd have a hard time getting past that, as i've never even been close to being engaged.

Anyone date someone that's divorced (while still in the 20's, early 30's)? Just curious as to anyone's thoughts/experiences.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #2 10-03-2005, 07:28 PM

Bizarre. I've ran into that a couple of times, too.

I think my issue with those guys is that I think marriage is a pretty big deal. I can't think of very many circumstances where a couple gets married very young, spends a few years together, divorces, and one party comes out (a) totally emotionally unscathed and (b) innocent. And then I meet him.

Peaches-n-Cream · #3 10-03-2005, 07:36 PM

Make sure that the divorce is final.

Rudey · #4 10-03-2005, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by HotDamnImAPhiMu
Bizarre. I've ran into that a couple of times, too.

I think my issue with those guys is that I think marriage is a pretty big deal. I can't think of very many circumstances where a couple gets married very young, spends a few years together, divorces, and one party comes out (a) totally emotionally unscathed and (b) innocent. And then I meet him.

I have a baby and a divorce record longer than Ross' from Friends. Can we meet?

-Rudey

Allie · #5 10-03-2005, 07:59 PM

I will also vouch for this discovery!

I have a very strict rule on dating people who are single
Never married
No children

Call me crazy, but I have enough stuff in my life to deal with without playing mommy to some random kids while being a girlfriend, etc.

I did go on a date with someone who was still technically married. I had agreed to the date before I found out that information and I knew it would be mean to cancel... so I went with a good attitude and the whole time he talked about his soon to be ex wife! it was awful!

SmartBlondeGPhB · #6 10-03-2005, 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kddani
Lately i've met a few decent guys when i've been out. Intelligent, good looking, nice, etc. Catch is, divorced. It seems there's more and more guys in my age range (25-34ish) that are divorced. I think i'd have a hard time getting past that, as i've never even been close to being engaged.

Anyone date someone that's divorced (while still in the 20's, early 30's)? Just curious as to anyone's thoughts/experiences.

More than a few. In fact one guy was 29 and TWICE divorced. The older you get, the more common it is.

kddani · #7 10-03-2005, 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SmartBlondeGPhB
More than a few. In fact one guy was 29 and TWICE divorced. The older you get, the more common it is.

Wow. 29 and divorced twice. Kinda shows a lack of judgment, or just really really bad luck

Munchkin03 · #8 10-03-2005, 09:57 PM

A lot of kids I went to HS with are married and divorced. Their parents didn't want them to live together (or to be unmarried and having sex). So, they ended up getting married at like, 20 or 21. Of course, getting married this young when you're not 100% behind it can only lead to disaster.

valkyrie · #9 10-03-2005, 10:10 PM

Eh, I'm in that age range and divorced, and I'm dating someone who has never been married. Neither of us give a rat's ass about it.

honeychile · #10 10-03-2005, 10:15 PM

Okay, my 2 cents as someone who volunteers at divorce recovery seminars:

Currently, the divorce rate in the US is 48% for the first marriage, 83-85% (depending on your source) for someone previously married. Unfortunately, this is across the board - no significant change in religions, those who had counseling, those without children, age group, or any other demographic. It's really nasty.

At this rate, the guys you're going to find who HAVEN'T been married and are over, say, 30 years old are scary guys, or have had some major trauma. I can point you toward three guys who have been never married, seem really nice & normal, but are seriously disfunctional!

If you really need to find someone who hasn't been married, isn't in the closet, and is normal, you almost have to go through one of the agencies (I know, icky). So, the better option is to see the WHY someone got divorced, how long ago, do they have children, what other financial arrangements have been made (college tuition, etc) and look at Mr. Maybe with those facts in mind. If you're into self help books, The Savvy Couples' Guide To Marrying After 35 is great, no matter how old you are - it gives you a good look at dating someone with "a past".

Having been there myself, I realized that I didn't know me well enough - I had married young enough that my identity was tied into being part of a couple. It's hard to break that cycle!! But once you do, you find yourself getting pickier, AND wiser.

Good luck!

amycat412 · #11 10-03-2005, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
Eh, I'm in that age range and divorced, and I'm dating someone who has never been married. Neither of us give a rat's ass about it.

Me too.

And I also echo HCs comments about it. People change A LOT in their 20s. Who you are and what you want at 28 or 29 is often vastly different than it was at 23. And of the people I know who married young and divorced by 30, this was their reasons.

James · #12 10-03-2005, 10:53 PM

I have to disagree somewhat here. Its like saying that there must be something wrong with women over 30 that have never been married.

In the North East, especially in major market areas among proffessionals its quite common.

Its quite common among people that have pursued advance degrees or are pursuing proffessional or artistic careers that are not the equivalent of say, teaching.

However, it might be safe to say that those people may not completely share the more traditional white picket fence in the suburbs view of marriage.

I did a report on this in a sociology class. IT really depends on a variety of variables.

Quote:

Originally posted by honeychile

At this rate, the guys you're going to find who HAVEN'T been married and are over, say, 30 years old are scary guys, or have had some major trauma. I can point you toward three guys who have been never married, seem really nice & normal, but are seriously disfunctional!

Good luck!

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #13 10-03-2005, 11:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rudey
I have a baby and a divorce record longer than Ross' from Friends. Can we meet?

-Rudey

do you have kids? I only do guys with kids.

-- I love the challenge of winning over the babymama!

cashmoney · #14 10-04-2005, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
Eh, I'm in that age range and divorced

You say that like you're proud of it.

dzrose93 · #15 10-04-2005, 09:56 AM

I dated a few guys who were divorced, and found them to be pretty much the same as the never-been-married guys. Most of them were decent, nice guys who just got married too young or to the wrong person. (One guy's wife took off less than three months after they got married - just left him a Dear John note on the kitchen table saying that she'd made a mistake and wasn't ready for marriage... poor guy -- definitely not his fault.) Another one was a complete jacka$$, and I totally understand why his wife left him... smart girl.

I think you just have to judge each guy on a case-by-case basis, and try not to let the fact that they are divorced color your perception. Some aren't going to be worth your time, and with others you'll be wondering why the heck their wives were stupid enough to let them get away.