Shy sister

shyone08 · #1 09-11-2005, 11:13 PM

Ok...
Don't laugh at me...
I am so shy it's not even funny.
I am not really all that shy around my sisters...but when it comes to meeting new people...I am terrified.
This is a bad thing when it comes to recruitment in about two weeks

They are expecting close to 300 girls

That's 300 girls that I don't know that I will have to meet.
I am so terrified it's not even funny. My sisters tell me it's not going to be so bad...
I came through on a COB...my friend wanted to join a sorority and wanted me to come with her so I did. I ended up getting a bid from a sorority. I was shy when I came through but it was funny because they made me feel really comfortable and my shyness wasn't as extreme. I am able to laugh and joke around and have fun with them...and it helps to know that they will be in the same room with me when these new girls come in.
But it is still so scary to me. This is my first time going through any sort of formal recruitment (like I said above...I came through a COB back this past winter). We go through and practice everything and I get nervous just doing that!
Does ANYONE have problems when it comes to formal recruitment faced with hundreds of new girls? What helps you? I am afraid if I come across as this nervous it'll look really bad for the sorority...and I can't have that.
I know I sound like a nutcase in this post but please...does anyone have ANY advice at all that could be helpful?

Thanks

KSUViolet06 · #2 09-12-2005, 12:07 AM

Check out this thread! It has some advice for sisters during their first recruitment.

First time rushers

Jestor · #3 09-12-2005, 02:55 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by JocelynC
Check out this thread! It has some advice for sisters during their first recruitment.

Fist time rushers

You may want to edit that typo.

adpiucf · #4 09-12-2005, 07:57 AM

If it is very close to recruitment and your anxiety is still very high, request to be put "behind the scenes" or to serve refreshments.

Shyness can be overcome, but recruitment as a sorority member is really not the time to kick that personality trait. The chapter is depending on its members to be prepared and strong to give the best possible impression to PNM's. If your shyness and anxiety about rushing others makes you feel that you will not be a benefit to the chapter "on the floor" meeting PNM's, you can be of huge help to the chapter in other areas. This is not meant to be unkind; it is meant to help you by answering your question and giving you some options.

This school year, take on a leadership role either in the chapter or in another campus activity. This will force you into the spotlight a little more and make you feel more confident about presenting in front of others. There are also speech and presentation classes, and usually there is at least one that is especially for people who get stage fright or who are shy. Acting for Non-Majors is another good class to help you overcome this anxiety. Do these things, go into the recruitment workshops next spring and you'll be ready to rush others next fall.

Good luck.

33girl · #5 09-12-2005, 10:26 AM

Quit calling yourself shy. It's self defeating. If you think you will be nervous, you will.

Helping behind the scenes might be better, but in a lot of chapters this isn't possible - everyone is "on the floor" and meeting women. See if you can work the refreshment table or the info table (if you have either one). That way you'll have something to talk about.

The rushees are far more scared than you. You have the upper hand. Their destiny is at your mercy. OK that's a little dramatic, but it does have a bit of truth.

lagirl33 · #6 09-12-2005, 12:40 PM

I am not a shy person, but one of my good friends is terrified of meeting new people.

I would recommend:
Seeing if you can be a "floater." If you don't have to initiate conversations with the girls, and can be introduced by one of your sisters, it can take a lot of the pressure off.

For shyness in general:
Practice making conversation with people. Go to the store with one of your friends, but make small talk with the cashier. Have your friends/family introduce you to people they know, and practice speaking with them.

Remember, people love to talk about themselves. Asking open-ended questions can take the burden off you, since it will get them talking. The girls rushing are just as nervous as you, if not more.

librababy · #7 09-12-2005, 02:30 PM

this is kinda unrelated to recruitment but:

do not feel ashamed of your shyness. most people have some level of social anxiety and yours happens to be particularly high. there is no reason for you to feel a stigma. i understand your concern about recruitment and all, i'm just saying about how you appear embarassed to even talk about being shy. but please don't. there are a lot of people who are very shy.

sorry i seem to be going off on a tangent but i'm a big advocate for not feeling ashamed of things you want to work on.

i just don't want you to feel so bad about yourself. smile

AGDee · #8 09-12-2005, 06:38 PM

I felt that way as a collegian myself and usually worked the info table or refreshment table for that reason. It is better now, but I have to work up to wearing my social personality. I like real conversation but have a terrible time with small talk. I don't like when the person cutting my hair or doing my nails wants to talk. At the same time, I have no problem with public speaking. Go figure.

Jestor · #9 09-12-2005, 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AGDee
I felt that was a collegian myself and usually worked the info table or refreshment table for that reason. It is better now, but I have to work up to wearing my social personality. I like real conversation but have a terrible time with small talk. I don't like when the person cutting my hair or doing my nails wants to talk. At the same time, I have no problem with public speaking. Go figure.

^--- Gets it.

I think it's because in terms of real conversation and public speaking, there's a specific, concrete objective.

Furthermore, I'm also perfectly capable of acting, because of the same thing. It's presentational and has a specific course set for it.

Beanblossom1 · #10 09-17-2005, 12:22 AM

I liked the idea of being a floater. Sometimes if we had too many sisters for the rushees coming to a party, we would have a couple of groups of 2 sisters to one rushee. Would this be an option for you? That way the other sister can 'carry' the conversation a bit more until you feel comfortable or you could chime in on whatever she is saying. I'm not sure if I'm making sense, but hopefully you see where I'm going with this. And if you do have to rush one-on-one, I don't see anything wrong with being upfront with the rushee that you're nervous, etc in a light-hearted type of way. Heck, I had several girls in several of the chapters say that to me and it helped put me at ease during recruitment. I also agree with the poster who said you have the upper hand going thru recruitment. Also, there are several 'jobs' that are behind the scenes and maybe it would be possible to participate in that capacity. Good luck.

ZetaGirl22 · #11 09-24-2005, 12:49 AM

If your anxiety about meeting new people is so bad that it is debilitating (and I'm not saying it is), you may be suffering from social anxiety disorder, which is a psychological disorder similar to anxiety disorder. You might want to talk to your doctor about it...there are medications you can take now which really work wonders.

The only reason I am saying this is because I have had AWFUL problems with anxiety in my life and after finally getting treatment, I am happier than I have ever been. There is no point in putting yourself through misery if it can be prevented

Good luck with recruitment!

LionTamer · #12 09-26-2005, 10:23 AM

Although not shy in college, I joined a group after graduation that I found very intimidating. I spent my first year in the group taking a lot of photos - it gave me an excuse to talk to people I didn't know well, but also something to "hide" behind until I got more comfortable.

Does you chapter take photos during rush? Also, serving food can work the same way. Or being the door person

From everything I've read, most fears can best be overcome by simply exposing yourself to increasingly frightening situations. Gradual exposure via something like greeting at the door, being in charge of nametags, serving food or punch, taking photos might be just the ticket. Not hiding in the kitchen, but maybe not the full immersion in the whirl of rush right off the bat.

An increasing comfort in social situation will really serve you well when you get out into the "real" world and are forced to go to presentations, conventions, meetings, etc.

AngieWashU · #13 09-28-2005, 08:17 PM

During college I wouldn't have said that I was a shy person, but I was a shy kid growing up and initiating conversations may never be my strong suit. I found it easier to make conversations during recruitment than I expected--the enthusiasm is contagious and you have the specific goal of learning about the woman you meeting.

Now I'm an adviser to a collegiate chapter and I sometimes see members tending to put those shy members in supporting roles. PNMs need to be allowed to see that not every member is boisterous and outgoing, especially the shy PNMs! If you ended up talking to a more reserved PNM, they would probably feel more of a connection with you. So really, your weakness can sometimes be a strength.

Best of luck!

SmartBlondeGPhB · #14 09-28-2005, 09:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AGDee
I felt that way as a collegian myself and usually worked the info table or refreshment table for that reason. It is better now, but I have to work up to wearing my social personality. I like real conversation but have a terrible time with small talk. I don't like when the person cutting my hair or doing my nails wants to talk. At the same time, I have no problem with public speaking. Go figure.

Ditto for me........