PLEASE HELP MY PARANOIA!

cnut · #1 11-21-2000, 02:29 AM

Okay, some of you may laugh at this post but I hope some of you can relate to it and help me out.
My girlfriend(damn good lookin!) and I have been dating for about four years now since high school and we both love and trust each other(mushy right?). We are both transfering to seperate universities that are less than an hours drive apart. Ok now u have the background to my problem but here is were my paranoia starts:
My girlfriend wants to join a sorority in order to meet people but as a boyfriend it is natural for me to be objective to this. I have heard many stories from friends in greek and non-greek individuals about the inituations and socials and stuff. Stories like female pledges having to strip down half naked on tables for different fraternities, not enough time for the boyfriend because of act.... I've just heard of many relationships not working because of one guy/girl in a frat/sor.
Can someone relay some logic onto this for me? Do you know anyone in the same situation? Tell me whatever will be truthful and helpful.
thanks

PenguinTrax · #2 11-21-2000, 09:22 AM

In complete and utter truth...

You are hearing rumors and stereotypes and if your girlfriend joins a national or large regional sorority, she would be treated with respect and kindness. Stories such as those you have heard have no basis in terms of the national groups. Unfortunately there are some (not ALL) local groups that have no advisors or governance by a university and their traditions can be questionable. (see the national chapters thread on the Rush board)

I would wish your girlfriend well and investigate the possibility of joining a national fraternity or a service fraternity at your new campus as well. The benefits stretch beyond your 4 years of undergrad.

Barbara

fuzzie · #3 11-21-2000, 02:20 PM

I was in the same situation as you and your girlfriend when I rushed. We had a lot of long discussions about me actually rushing. He had a lot of the same concerns about it that you do. Ultimately, he said he trusted me and I should do whatever would make me happy. In the sorority that I chose, there was no hazing and definately no hazing having to do with guys. The only thing that he really had to adjust to were the mixers that we have every week (he is a jealous person to begin with). He finally realized that if I was going to meet another guy I would do it with or without the sorority and the mixers.
As for the time it takes to join a sorority, it does take a lot of time, especially the semester that you are rushing. This also bothered him a little bit, but it worked out. He ended up coming to visit me most of the time and if I had an activity for a little while on a weekend, he would either study or go visit some of his friends that went to my school.

Ultimately, the decision to rush or not to rush should be your girlfriend's. If you love, trust, and support each other as much as you say you do, then you should believe what she tells you about her sorority. Ask her questions about what she is doing with the sorority, but don't get jealous and give her the third degree about everything. Stay interested in her activites and support her...trust me, she'll appreciate it. Oh, also, make sure you have enough activites to fill your time so that you're not sitting around imagining all the things you think she could be doing that you wouldn't like. A lot of free time could make your imagination get the best of you.

To sum this up, I am now engaged to the guy I was dating when I rushed. He was my high school sweetheart and we have been together for 6 years now. We are getting married in September and I plan to have a few of my sorority sisters in my bridal party and invite even more. My only regret is that I didn't join my sorority sooner. So, this story has a happy ending.

I hope this has helpd you. Good luck and feel free to email me if you have any other questions and keep me updated.

------------------
I am who I am.
Those who matter don't mind,
Those who mind don't matter.

Zeta_Girl · #4 11-21-2000, 05:01 PM

OK, here's the story, I'm not in the same situation that you and your girlfriend are in but my roomate is. They fight about it ALL the time, And we live in the dorms, so I hear EVERYTHING, so I feel like I AM in that situation. First just keep in mind that since you two are at different colleges, the temptation is there, wiether or not she'll take it is up to her, but her joining a sorority will not increase the teptation! Many many girls that aren't greek, still go to frat houses. There is no rule saing only sorority girls can attend. And as for iniation...don't worry about that...it's not like most people think it is. Maybe when social time comes around you could pay a visit to her college, and if you can't you shouldn't object on her taking a guy friend (if that is all they are) Oh, and about that female pledge thing, I never had to do that, ya know if she joined a sorority that made her do that, and someone found out, that group could get kicked off campus. That is hazing and is illegal. I think the whole thing breaks down into a trust thing. Don't you? Your girlfriend is in college now, you have to give her the space she needs, and the trust she deserves. But when she does join a sorority, and she doesn't have every minute of every day to spend on the phone with you don't jump to conclusion about where she has been....greeklife takes up A BUNCH of time! Hope thing work out for the best and I hope I could help you a little bit! Good Luck!!!!

Zeta Tau Alpha

33girl · #5 11-21-2000, 10:39 PM

Cnut -

It's perfectly normal and very sweet of you to be worried! As far as hazing etc, the horror stories you hear are the exception, not the rule.

I started dating a senior when I was a freshman, and pledged my 1st semester sophomore year (after he graduated). After I joined the sorority, I broke up with my boyfriend. Now that your heart is in your mouth

it's not because I pledged, it was because of his ATTITUDE towards my pledging. He was totally resentful that I was doing something without him, disliked all the sisters, and told his friends in fraternities (he was not in one) to "keep an eye" on me. If he would have tried harder to understand I needed this, I would have tried harder to maintain the relationship. With the way he acted, I didn't want to try.

It was a revelation to me to find out that I didn't have to be tethered to a man to have fun, I could just have fun with my sisters. It helped me to become more of a "whole" person and has probably enhanced every relationship I have had since joining. One of my sisters said to me "We came in as girlfriends and left as people." That was about the size of it.

You both need to get involved at your different campuses, whether it's Greeks, sports or whatever. You owe it to each other and your relationship to keep growing and changing and not just staying together out of habit. You won't be that far apart and there will probably be a lot of visiting. I know you have probably heard this a zillion times but it's true - if it's meant to be it will be.

ZChi4Life · #6 11-22-2000, 12:41 AM

I just wanted to make a comment about this:

Quote:

You are hearing rumors and stereotypes and if your girlfriend joins a national or large regional sorority, she would be treated with respect and kindness. Stories such as those you have heard have no basis in terms of the national groups.

PnguinTrax, I agree with you on this BUT at the same time, there are some national groups out there that DON'T abide by the rules. Just b/c they are National doesn't mean they won't do something they aren't supposed to. There were 2 National fraternities on my campus that got suspended for hazing and serving alcohol to minors. So being National doesn't guarantee things will be peaches and cream.

Hope this doesn't come off the wrong way; I don't mean any harm. You just made Nationals sound like they can do no wrong and we all know that everyone makes mistakes!