Divorce or premarital Sex?

[ilovemyglo]

This thread got me thinking.

I am a christian.
However, I do perform a sin- premarital sex.

Now, it got me thinking- about marriage vs. premarital sex vs. divorce. Not necessarily which is better but more like what is your take on this.
Here are my thoughts:
Premarital sex is a sin, but I don't think it is as big a sin as standing on an altar before God and promising someone to unite our souls and spend eternity loving each other then five years later deciding we "just aren't right" or whatever reason people have for getting divorced.

I'd rather be 40 and never married and even have a child out of wedlock rather than get married and end up divorced.

But I get extremely irratated by the Christians that say I am going to hell or I need to stop and repent for this sin when they are divorced twice or whatever and have two sets of kids by two different fathers.
EXCUSE ME? I am going to hell but you can stand before God HOW MANY TIMES saying you will love this person forever before you are going to hell and need to repent?

But I am one of the few people I know that really doesn't believe in divorce. I know people have GOOD reasons for getting divorced, but you need to consider that before going so far as walking in a church before God, your family and your friends and entering into a sacred vow.
Now breaking THAT to me is a sin.

[aurora_borealis]

[OtterXO]

I'm not super religious but I was always taught that a sin is a sin. All of them are bad and unless it's one of the deadly sins, they're pretty much all equal. One is not worse than another.

I was also taught that it's not my place to judge others for their actions that may be sins. (I think that's God's job...right?) So I don't think people should judge you for your choice to have sex and you shouldn't judge others if divorce is right for them. I think both of these subjects are highly personal decisions. Further, I don't remember reading anything in the bible that allows and encourages Christians to judge others. I think that judging people is probably actually contrary to what the bible says. Just my two cents.

[33girl]

ilovemyglo, I completely agree with everything you said.

I'd rather someone sleep with 100 people before they were married than get married and break that vow - and do it again and again.

[ilovemyglo]

Originally posted by 33girl
ilovemyglo, I completely agree with everything you said.

I'd rather someone sleep with 100 people before they were married than get married and break that vow - and do it again and again.

That was more of my point. Not trying to sound judgemental, more aggravated-
It's like, me having premarital sex makes me a whore, but you getting married three times before you sleep with them makes it okay?

[OtterXO]

Originally posted by ilovemyglo
That was more of my point. Not trying to sound judgemental, more aggravated-
It's like, me having premarital sex makes me a whore, but you getting married three times before you sleep with them makes it okay?

i wasn't trying to say you in particular are judgmental! I'm sorry if you thought that. I mean that if you want to have sex then no one should judge you for that. I just don't think it's anyone's place to tell you you're going to hell for anything. But maybe that's why I'm not super religious...

[aephi alum]

How and where is premarital sex defined as a sin? Is it categorized as lust, one of the seven deadly sins? Just curious.

My view is that sex outside marriage is ok as long as it's between consenting adults, neither of whom is in a committed relationship with someone else... But I'm not a Christian, so I'll shut up now.

[AGDee]

What you're really angry with is hypocrisy and, I agree that hypocrisy is not right. I try to live by the addage "Judge not, lest ye be judged". I have always been taught and believed that God is a forgiving, merciful, loving God who understands that we are weak and that we make mistakes.

Ok, so I'm feeling defensive too because I'm divorced twice and I struggled with that and with God and prayed a lot before ending up divorced. And, came to the same conclusion... God understands that we are human and make mistakes. I don't think God expects us to remain in situations that are unhealthy for us. He doesn't expect an abused woman to wait until death (by the hand of her husband), etc. Not only that but, the reality here is, You have no control over whether your spouse divorces you. None, zip, zero, nada. Your spouse can divorce you if they want to. You don't have to agree to it. You can fight about property and stuff, but if they want a divorce, they will get a divorce. You have no control over that.

But, your question reminded me of a talk that my ex-husband had with his Pastor about marriage and divorce:

Ex: What happens if I meet someone that I want to marry?

Pastor: You will be living in sin if you marry someone else because you married already and only one marriage is recognized by God.

Ex: But, it was my ex-wife's second marriage when she married me, does that mean our marriage wasn't recognized by God because it would have been her FIRST marriage that was recognized.

Pastor: No.

Ex: Why not?

Paster: uhhhh, errr.. it's just not that way.

Truth is, none of us know for sure what God is thinking about our actions for sure at any given time. Sure he says "Thou Shalt Not Steal", but if you had no food for your baby and stole some to ensure that the baby wouldn't starve, would he really see that as wrong? We don't know. There are no absolutes. Life is a big huge grey area and we can only do the best we can at the time, with the abilities we have at the time. I think God knows that.

Dee

[madmax]

Originally posted by ilovemyglo
This thread got me thinking.

I am a christian.
However, I do perform a sin- premarital sex.

Now, it got me thinking- about marriage vs. premarital sex vs. divorce. Not necessarily which is better but more like what is your take on this.
Here are my thoughts:
Premarital sex is a sin, but I don't think it is as big a sin as standing on an altar before God and promising someone to unite our souls and spend eternity loving each other then five years later deciding we "just aren't right" or whatever reason people have for getting divorced.

I'd rather be 40 and never married and even have a child out of wedlock rather than get married and end up divorced.

But I get extremely irratated by the Christians that say I am going to hell or I need to stop and repent for this sin when they are divorced twice or whatever and have two sets of kids by two different fathers.
EXCUSE ME? I am going to hell but you can stand before God HOW MANY TIMES saying you will love this person forever before you are going to hell and need to repent?

But I am one of the few people I know that really doesn't believe in divorce. I know people have GOOD reasons for getting divorced, but you need to consider that before going so far as walking in a church before God, your family and your friends and entering into a sacred vow.
Now breaking THAT to me is a sin.

Premarital sex isn't a sin. Your only sin is getting a breast reduction.

[33girl]

Originally posted by AGDee
Ok, so I'm feeling defensive too because I'm divorced twice and I struggled with that and with God and prayed a lot before ending up divorced. And, came to the same conclusion... God understands that we are human and make mistakes. I don't think God expects us to remain in situations that are unhealthy for us. He doesn't expect an abused woman to wait until death (by the hand of her husband), etc. Not only that but, the reality here is, You have no control over whether your spouse divorces you. None, zip, zero, nada. Your spouse can divorce you if they want to. You don't have to agree to it. You can fight about property and stuff, but if they want a divorce, they will get a divorce. You have no control over that.

We don't mean stuff like that darlin.

We mean people who put as much thought into getting married as I do into what underwear I wore this morning, go into it thinking "oh well, we can always get divorced if this sucks" and think they are better than people who aren't married yet are having sex. None of which you did.

So big hug.

[epchick]

Originally posted by OtterXO
I was also taught that it's not my place to judge others for their actions that may be sins. (I think that's God's job...right?) So I don't think people should judge you for your choice to have sex and you shouldn't judge others if divorce is right for them. I think both of these subjects are highly personal decisions. Further, I don't remember reading anything in the bible that allows and encourages Christians to judge others. I think that judging people is probably actually contrary to what the bible says. Just my two cents.

for all of you who say that premarital sex is not a sin, well IT IS. It can be considered lust, but iin the bible, its mainly talked about as sexual immorality and that is a sin.

But onto my thoughts on this. I have to agree with OtterXO. I have learned not to judge others. I think though that having a divorce and having premarital sex are two different things. One can be avoided while the other MAY NOT be avoided.

God understands that we are human and make mistakes. I don't think God expects us to remain in situations that are unhealthy for us. He doesn't expect an abused woman to wait until death (by the hand of her husband), etc. Not only that but, the reality here is, You have no control over whether your spouse divorces you. None, zip, zero, nada. Your spouse can divorce you if they want to. You don't have to agree to it. You can fight about property and stuff, but if they want a divorce, they will get a divorce. You have no control over that.

I think this is a good way to look at it. Yes, you stand before God saying that you will love this person forever....and at THAT TIME you really mean it. I think God does understand if you get divorced, UNLESS its for an adulterous type reason (like you want to be with some other lady/guy). Like AGDee said, if your spouse wants a divorce, you really have no control over it. Sometimes once you get married you then realize that the relationship is unhealthy.


But Premarital sex can be avoided--by just not doing it. Its as simple as that. I do believe that sex is something that you should be saved for the guy/girl who you truly believe is "the one." But i'm not here to say you SHOULD do this or you SHOULDN'T do that..ya know? Its eventually your decision.

Just because you have premarital sex (over and over..lol) or you have a divorce, doesn't condemn you to hell. God is forgiving, all you have to do is ask for forgiveness.

Ugh...hopefully i didnt go on too many tangents, so hopefully i made sense!

[ilovemyglo]

AGDee-
I am not trying to make you or other divorcees defensive or offend you, but I am sure this will.

Someone said premarital sex can be avoided, and it can, but so can divorce, or at least you can do all you can to avoid it.
Not rushing into marriage, getting premarital counseling and pretty much spending more than a year or so with one person is one way to start ( and I am by NO means saying you or anyone else DIDN'T do any of this). And yes, if one person wants to get divorced the other has no control, however, again, i think if you REALLY know the person before you marry you shouldn't have to worry about them backing out 2-3 years down the road. By then you will have discussed the scenarios and have the trust in place to discuss ANYTHING no matter how difficult.

But there is a vow taken before GOD and that is not to be taken lightly... I believe that is usually said in the service.
Now, I am also strange in that personally I think a marriage done in a church and a marriage done at the JOP or wherever else aren't the same. Legally, yes, but you didn't take the vows before God.

Thats the thing though- I had a chapter sister that married a guy that she knew for three months. They had two kids and ended up divorced (he mentally abused the hell out of her). Then she moved home, met some guy, married him had ANOTHER kid and divorced. But whenever she sees me with a guy that I am dating she wants to lecture me on how I am sinning. EXCUSE ME? She isn't the only one. Living in Kentucky I am constantly reminded that I am a sinner. Yes, I realize my choices sometimes lead me towards sin, but just because she got married before she screwed him doesn't make her better than me.

Maybe that is what bugs me.... but then again maybe I just wish people would mind their own damn business.

[AGDee]

Originally posted by 33girl
We don't mean stuff like that darlin.

We mean people who put as much thought into getting married as I do into what underwear I wore this morning, go into it thinking "oh well, we can always get divorced if this sucks" and think they are better than people who aren't married yet are having sex. None of which you did.

So big hug.

I knew that, I think it's a natural reaction and I didn't feel personally attacked. I think that for the vast majority, they have every intention of living up to those marital vows at the time and they really do struggle with guilt and difficult decisions. Divorce isn't fun for most, for sure. It's a lot harder to get divorced than it is to get married (logistically and practically) and it probably should be the other way to around! Thanks for the hug though. I can honestly say that I never dreamed as a college student that I'd be a twice divorced single mom. It definitely wasn't the plan.

There is a woman at my work who is ordained and does weddings. She said that if I got married again, she would do my ceremony. I told her "Jackie, How many times do you think I could say 'til death do us part' and still hold any credibility???" She laughed and said that I could just say "til we part" and it would still be legal. LOL But, I'm not going down that road again anyway!

[LightBulb]

You sound like you are comparing apples and oranges. It seems like you are saying that premarital sex will prevent divorce, but I'm sure that most people don't get divorced just because the sex isn't perfect. Having premarital sex with a hundred people wouldn't insure marital bliss unless the only thing you look for in a mate is someone who's good in bed.

[honeychile]

I don't think that this is a valid comparison, either. Whether you want to believe it or not, sex is NOT the crux of a marriage - respect for your partner is. You can have tons of mind-blowing sex, but the very second that you lose respect for your partner, you're toast. The amount of hard work it takes to get that respect back into the marriage equation is probably the hardest thing anyone has ever accomplished.