Eating Disorder/Image Problem

worriedsenior · #1 06-25-2001, 05:53 PM

A friend came over and spent the night. We were changing, getting ready to go out, when out of her bag fell two boxes of laxatives. She does not know I saw them. I have been thinking about this all day. She is not a reader of these boards so I feel comfortable bringing this up. She has been dieting for a while, but I really think this is something new. What should I do? I would like to be open about this, but we haven't always seen eye to eye. I don't want her to think I'm preaching. She is closer to some other friends, but I don't want to be a gossip. Should I just point blank ask her about it?

CRMSNTiDEGRL717 · #2 06-25-2001, 06:35 PM

thats a tough one. i honestly don't know what i'd do in that situation. maybe some of the more wise posters will help you out. there GREAT w/ advice!!! Good luck

HeidiHo · #3 06-25-2001, 07:24 PM

http://www.something-fishy.org/ http://www.renfrew.org/info/Dos&Don'ts.htm http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis/p20-et02.html

Feel free to email me if you need anything else. I'm a psych major with dreams of opening my own world famous eating disorders clinic here in Cincinnati.
Heidi

SoCalGirl · #4 06-25-2001, 08:56 PM

Having had more than my share of friends and roommates w/ eating disorders....

1. Let her know that you are her friend and that she can talk to you about anything. No need to try to be clever, just come out and say it!

2. Pick up some info. Either on the internet or the school's counselor or nurses.

3. Talk to an adult you trust and she'll trust. If this is something she's actually doing it's something PROFESSIONALS need to handle.

Eating disorders are not just physical, but mental too. It takes a team of psychiatrists, physicians, and dieticians to truely help someone! It may even require medications.

You can help her, but honestly you may never understand why she does it. Keep you eyes open to everything. An eating disorder is very private/secretive. It could go on for years under your nose and you'd never notice.

worriedsenior · #5 06-26-2001, 07:37 AM

Thanks for your responses. I also want to go into psychology.
My friend is trying desperately to lose weight. She is like a lot of us, maybe 10 lbs or so more than SHE thinks she should be. I am going to talk to her about it, but only when I have the information I need to back it up. This should be soon since I only work a half day. I have found so far to watch for dehydration by the tone of the skin. I haven't mentioned the incident to ANYONE yet, but found out she has been on some program/diet that uses food combinations instead of pills. I knew she was getting slimmer, but thought it was due to diet and exercise.
The thing is, she "cheated" on the diet and to make it look like she was still following it and losing the weight safely, she turned to laxatives! We have had SO MANY conversations about girls at school who either vomit, take pills or use exlax. All of us talked about how damaging it could be. Maybe this is a case of negative publicity creating interest.
She does have a much closer friend than me. They have been best friends forever. Should I mention it to her and maybe we could talk to her together?

worriedsenior · #6 06-26-2001, 07:52 AM

SoCalgirl, I'm so tired I just reread your post and it makes sense. Thanks everyone. I will try to do what's right in the right way.
I don't know if it's a pattern or something she is just experimenting with. I don't want to jump in there too fast, but I can't ignore the implications of the situation either. Say a prayer.

phisigQT · #7 06-26-2001, 11:44 PM

well, i went through this same kind of thing with one of my best friends this semester. she heard about a "miracle" die drug called exenedrine. basically to make a long stroy short this drug speeds up your metablolism in order to give you energy and cut of those lbs. but it also sppeds uo your heart rate,gives your insomnia, makes you nervous, etc. anyways, it was really hard but myself and some other friends each tried to talk to her. she was furious that we were "telling her what to do" but in the end she stopped taking the pills. anyways, my advice is talk to your friend. she may be very mad at first BUT you are her friend and your concern and care for her will hopefully ultimately shine through. hope this helps...

worriedsenior · #8 06-27-2001, 09:01 AM

A bunch of us are getting together tonight. I am going to look for a way to bring up the subject-not in relationship to her. Step one is to get some information to her and get her talking. Since we all have heard of people doing it, it should be pretty easy. I want to get to the point where I can ask her what she wold do if someone she loved was harming themself in this way. At that point, I may take her advice(in private of course)
and see if the reality of the situation hits home. It will be one step at a time, but time is important.

newbie · #9 06-27-2001, 04:33 PM

Yeah, I went through this with a friend last summer. It was absolutely horrible. My friend, who's 5'2 and 90 frickin pounds (!!!!!) thought she was WAY overweight. It's like she looked at herself in the mirror, and just saw like 50 pounds extra...I don't know

.

It was very emotionally draiining for my friends and I, b/c we would try to convince her that she actually was TOO SKINNY (unhealthy) for her height, yet she would just say, "But you're just SAYING that to make me feel better."

She exercised constantly, like 4X a day. After eating carrot sticks for lunch, she would hit the gym at our school, do weights, etc. ACtually, she was so tired and fatigued that she would faint after doing too many reps on the weight machine.

My friends and I didn't know what to do at all. Teachers even approached her and tried to talk with her and explain to her that she was suffering with anorexia. But, she would deny it and, one day, blew up finally and told us that she was the one who was in charge of her life, and that we had no right to tell her what to do and whatnot.

We told her parents, but her parents denied it too (I think it's cuz they didn't want to acknowledge that their daughter had a problem). Finally, teachers and administrators arranged for a parents' conference, and made them see finally what their daughter was suffering. Soon, my friend was enrolled in therapy and also, was admitted to the hospital.

She spent a month in the hospital b/c she was SOOOOO undernourished...she lost about 30 pounds in a very short time while she was an anorexic. She spent months in therapy (and still goes today). Before she was admitted to the hospital and therapy, she even considered suicide.

So basically my point is, NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY, she won't listen. You really have to get the attention of authorities...unfortunately, my friend had to be FORCED to enter the hospital. All you can do for your friend right now is get help from those who can do something to help her. Also, be prepared for a very rough, emotionally-taxing time, b/c it was sooo frustrating for my friends and I, b/c no matter what we said, she just would not listen.

I'm really sorry that your friend is going through this...I just really hope that something can be done for her...the sooner, the better. Good luck...

worriedsenior · #10 07-01-2001, 06:38 PM

Long story short-
We went to dinner..total denial. Her best friend gave me the "Do you know what I know look." We talked and she said since she knew her and the family for years, she was going to talk to the parents. The way she planned to do this was by telling them that there were a lot of problems with some of the girls at school and that she was concerned about their daughter.(Yes, she is a brave, straight forward girl) How the exact conversation went, I don't know. The important thing is the parents got the information. They are pretty open and should handle it in a positive way. Her best friend felt that if two of us went it might be overwhelming (we all know the privacy issue) and make the daughter or the parents resentful. At this moment, I don't know if our friend is aware that her parents know, but I feel so much better knowing the information is in the right hands.

Shabbydo · #11 07-05-2001, 04:29 AM

Dear Worried,

Not only have I personally suffered through severe anorexia and bulimia for 12 years but, now I am a psychotherapist with my own practice that specializes in helping people with eating disorders!! I think your friend needs all the love and support from her friends and family but, I think, even more importantly is that she needs help from adults that are trained in dealing with body image and control issues!! Laxatives and any other signs your friend has exhibited toward having an eating disorder are VERY serious matters that need to be corrected immediately regardless of whether or not she looks emaciated or thin at this point. I know that telling an older person is not a "popular" thing to do but, I think it is the most loving at this point!! Laxatives and other popular ways of purging our bodies of food have VERY real, lasting effects on our bodies (whether visible or not) that can ultimately result in death in an otherwise healthy looking individual. If your friend's electrolytes are "off" (out of whack) from simply dieting, overdosing on laxatives can cause fainting spells, light headedness, headaches, loss of memory, or sudden heart failure...to name a few!! I recommend that if you and others feel like getting together and talking to this girl (called an intervention) is easiest on you then, by all means but, I think the goal of this chat should be to get this girl to seek counseling and to empower HER to tell her parents about what is going on so that they can provide additional support! Most of individual counseling for eating disorders is centered around family therapy...unless there are unmitigating circumstances. I want to commend you though on recognizing the seriousness of this situation and your courage to seek advice!! You should know that you sound like you are a really good, capable friend that truely cares!! Congratulations to you!

------------------
Sharon

worriedsenior · #12 07-05-2001, 08:15 AM

The latest update is she went to the Dr. so they could run some tests. I guess to check her current state of health. I was so afraid that with everyone leaving for college, she would be lost to us. Her best friend said the parents are kind of torn between sending her off to college or having her stay closer to home. They don't want it to appear to be punishment. Whatever happens, I know considering all the circumstances, we did the right thing. I really want to thank everyone because reading and rereading the effects of her disorder convinced me not to just stand by. I am glad I didn't have to be the one to meet with her parents. I might have bungled the whole thing.

Private I · #13 05-13-2005, 01:48 PM

I'm bumping this up because I have been reading some extremely disturbing stuff online.

WCBI Exposes Websites Glorifying Anorexia and Bulemia

They are known simply as Ana Mia websites. "Ana" for anorexia -- "Mia" for bulemia...and a simple online search yields hundreds of chatrooms with postings like these: "I love how hunger feels." "I try to make an apple last all day." "Just cook, but don't touch. The smell will help you feel full." The sites are often visited by young teens looking for tips to lose weight. But those tips can be deadly. Some sites show photographs of food so teens can feast on "virtual" meals they won't ever let themselves eat. Others offer "thin"spiration photos of super-skinny models, or worse, anorexia patients. If you suspect your child has been visiting "Ana Mia" websites, you can call the Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention Hotline at 1-800-931-2237.

http://www.wcbi.com/onyourside.html

Here's just one example:

http://www.xanga.co m/home.aspx?user=ThinInVogue

Here's a list of different anorexia and bulimia blogrings I have found on
xanga alone! This is making me so so sad....

They include: "Ana and Mia goes to College"
also

When Thin Isn't Enough

Thin Ana

Pro-Ana

Ana Unite

Starving for Perfection

5' 7'' with Ana

Ana/Mia-my one and only!

New Ana's!

Ana Shorties-5-5' 4''

Borderline Anorexics

Healthy Ana's

Fat Girls can be Ana

Beauty in Starvation

Pro-Ana Haven

Christian Ana/Mia

Ana in her 20's

Beauty in Starvation

Tall Ana's 5' 8'' and above (Mia's Welcome)

Thin=Beautiful

Forever Ana

Pro-Anorexia: Fasting Girls (Mia's Welcome Too)

Beta Sigma Kappa-the official Ana/Mia Sorority

Ana and Mia Girls

Anorexia and Bulimia

University of Ana

My body is a canvas

Sick and Tired of being a Compulsive Eater?

Get Thin or Die Trying

Kristin's Anorexia Competition Club

Ana and Mia: Support Through Starvation

Thinspiration

Anorexic Vegetarian

There are so many more...reading through those blogrings will make you so depressed...

Honeykiss1974 · #14 05-13-2005, 02:10 PM

Be VERY concerned for someone who talks about belonging to the online community www.bluedragonfly.com. It is a board for both Ana's and Mia's -to the point that they sell colored bracelets that help "remind" you not to do certain things...like eat.

The site claims not to be in support of ED's, but I don't believe it.

Judge for yourself.

UlChiOCutie26 · #15 05-13-2005, 02:17 PM

worriedsenior,

I have seen what anorexia and bulimia can do to a person first hand. My sister is anorexic and bulimic. Her teeth are rotting out b/c she has thrown up so much. She is 31 years old, 5'7 and weighs 81 pounds.

We have tried everything! Anorexia is only controlled, not cured. PM me....I can tell you how to deal, and what to expect.