Marry Your Baby Daddy Day

[CrimsonTide4]

http://www.blackamericaweb.com/site....s/babydaddy106

Coming this fall: ‘Marry your Baby Daddy Day’
Date: Friday, January 07, 2005
By: MONICA M. LEWIS, BlackAmericaweb.com

With the rate of black children being born to unwed parents nearly triple that of whites, one single, childless sister is doing all that she can to get black parents to the altar.

Maryann Reid, a Brooklyn-based author, is spearheading “Marry Your Baby Daddy Day,” a free mass wedding that will take place this fall at Brooklyn’s House of the Lord Church. In addition to having the Rev. Herb Daughtry officiate the ceremony, Reid has secured wedding dress designers, wedding planners and vendors to make the day special for those unwed parents serious about strengthening the structure of black families.

“I’m not saying that marriage is the answer, but it’s a start,” Reid told BlackAmericaWeb.com Thursday. In previous years, Reid has delved into the often-turbulent world of black dating in her books, “Use Me or Lose Me” and “About Sex and the Single Sister: Five Novellas.” Her next book, “Marry Your Baby Daddy,” is scheduled to be released this year.

When Reid presented Daughtry with a proposal to hold a mass wedding for black unwed parents last year, she was hoping one or two couples in her borough would express an interest. Today, plans are to have Daughtry officiate an all-expense paid ceremony for 10 couples in New York. Both believe the project could benefit unwed couples across the nation.

“This is sending a message to our people that this is the way to go,” said Daughtry, who’s been fielding calls from couples from as far away as Delaware after an article about the project appeared in the New York Daily News this week. While Daughtry doesn’t want to condemn or judge all unwed couples, he does want them to realize the impact their actions have on children – and not just the ones they conceive.

“Unwed couples should understand that they’re a part of a larger society, and they have an influence on children,” said Daughtry. “How do you say to the youth that [unwed parenting] is ideal?


“Children are very precocious, especially in these days,” Daughtry continued, adding that at a young age, children can begin to question why mommy and daddy aren’t husband and wife. And their peers, Daughtry said of children, will not only question, but may tease those who are deemed illegitimate by society’s standards.

“Children have a way of being cruel,” said Daughtry. “And that can become uncomfortable for the children.”

A study by the National Center for Health Statistics reported that black women accounted for 68 percent of unmarried women in 2002, compared to 23 percent of whites.

In 1965, black women accounted for 25 percent compared to 3 percent for whites.

Unwed parenting is an issue that also generates debates on scholarly and political levels. William Galston, interim dean at the University of Maryland School of Public Policy, said blacks should be pleased to know that the rate of teen pregnancy is down within their community, but the rise of unwed parenting amongst black adults is alarming.

Somehow, said Galston, some people believe cohabitation is the same as marriage, and it is not.

“If more people understood just how positive a stable marital relationship is for their kids, then more people would get married,” said Galston, who, during the first Clinton administration, served as deputy assistant to the president for domestic policy. “Making the official decision to get married both symbolizes and enforces the idea of commitment and all of the actions that follow.”

Reid believes that now is the time to stop talking about unwed couples and inspire them to take the next step.

“There was a time, not too long ago, when black men would go to a club, see a woman and say, ‘She’s going to be my wife,’” said Reid.

“Now, you have guys saying, ‘She’s going to be my baby’s mama.’”

The trend, as Reid calls it, has become popular in part due to popular culture. Rappers brag about their “baby’s mama,” and celebrities, like music mogul P. Diddy, who has a child with his girlfriend, Kim Porter, continue to be role models for impressionable young people. She points to the whirlwind that surrounded news of basketball phenom LeBron James when it was revealed his girlfriend gave birth to their first child last fall.

“Marry My Baby Daddy Day,” Reid said, was created to give people options and, more importantly, motivation. She also hopes the buzz surrounding the project will move women to set a new tone for their relationships.

“Hopefully, this will bring some awareness to the issue and show people, visually, the possibilities associated with marriage,” Reid said, adding that the example set by married parents go a long way in the development of a child.

“When you come from a two-parent household, you have a role model and something to aspire to,” Reid said, acknowledging that some unwed parents soon realize this. She applauds NBA superstar Shaquille O’Neal, who married his “baby’s mama,” Shaunie, in 2002 after they had two children out of wedlock.

For parents who don’t marry, Reid said it could become a problem for society at large.

“If it’s not addressed soon, it’ll just become a breakdown of the family structure,” Reid said, attributing the trend to a change in culture. Daughtry agreed, adding that the change in opportunities for blacks, especially women, has had an affect on the family structure.

“There is a trend, and it comes with the independence of women who can make it on their own,” said Daughtry. “And there just seems to be a general loosening of standards that are accepted publicly.”

Daughtry and Reid agree that not all parents should marry. Forcing unwed parents to take the plunge could do more harm than good, so Reid hopes only those who believe theirs is a match made in heaven should apply. “If you choose or feel comfortable being unmarried [parents], that’s your choice,” said Reid. “But we really hope to inspire those who are together and want to take it to another level.”

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