Age Difference

[sororitygirl2]

When does age not become an issue? What is the limit for how far apart a couple - typically - should be in age?

For instance, a 25-year-old and an 18-year-old is inappropriate to me. A 25-year-old has lived through so much more, and had so many more life-altering, formative experiences, than their younger counterpart. To try to date an 180-year-old is to rob them of that experience.

But, the same age difference - seven years - seems less significant to me in the case of a 25- and 32-year-old. They have both lived in the "real world" - one is getting their feet on the ground and one already should have done so and can help the other. And in the case of a 35- and 42-year-old, it seems fully insignificant that there is an age difference.

What do you all think? How much younger/older of a person have you dated? How did it work out? Why/why did it not work out? What are tricks to helping it along?

[AlphaFrog]

I have dated guys 1 & 2 years younger and 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5 years older. (The guy who was 5 years older was when I was 15...but then again he was pretty immature, and my parents really didn't mind caz he was a decent guy [at the time])

I just don't think age matters all that much unless you're talking pedophile.

Side note: My finace is 1 1/2 months younger then me, so I guess you would say we're the exact same age, but we've had totally different experiances and I think it's been good and bad for our relationship. (Most of the bad comes from cultural differences, but we work it out)

[decadence]

no difference

[Kevin]

I think that maturity is more important than age. If an 18 year old is *mature* enough, which is unlikely, then dating a 25 year old shouldn't be out of the question.

That's all very unlikely anyway.

[Sister Havana]

My general rule is 7 years in either direction. Aside from a brief fling with someone 8 years older a couple years ago, most of the guys I have dated have been 4 years or less difference from me, mainly older.

[PlymouthDZ]

I think it all depends on the 2 people. I was 16 when I started dating my boyfriend, who was 21. We're still together.. I'm 21 and he's 26. It has worked out for us really well.

I really believe that it comes down to the people, not the ages. I really don't think ages are a huge deal.. (unless you have a 25 yr old and a 13 yr old or whatever.. then the age does matter.)

[sororitygirl2]

I agree that there can't be a set-in-stone rule over age and of course it varies from person to person, but I just think it matters to an extent because, typically, maturity should come with those life experiences you have as you age.

Anyway, thanks for all your replies! I would love to hear how things have worked for anyone else on here!

[_Lisa_]

My ex-boyfriend/still best friend is 39 & I'm 22. We get along so well its crazy, but it did make it harder when we broke up. The only difference we found is that he loved fish & I hated it, & I loved mexican & he hated it!

I think that his maturity level is that of a typical 39-year old but he likes to have fun like your average 25-year old. I'm more mature than most people my age because I've always been forced to mature quickly.

I'd say that age can make a difference depending on the person, but we never mention the age difference between us & so far (I've known him for the past 3 years) its hardly been an issue!

[cuaphi]

I did date a 25 year old when I was 18. He had done 4 years in the military and was a college junior and I was a freshman. We met at a party and dated for a few months. Obviously it was a pretty bad idea since we were at completely different places in terms of maturity and priorities in life. I found the one of the biggest problems was friends reactions to it, namely his. His roomate once addressed me as Mr. X's "little friend."

Later, when I was 23 I briefly dated a man in his early 30's. The thing with him was that he had a daughter and he referred to the mother of the child, his ex, as the biggest bitch on earth. He just had way to much baggage and mysogony towards women to deal with.

On the flipside, my aunt was very happily married to a man 15 years her senior for many years til he died of cancer recently. A large age gap can work if both people are fully functioning independent adults with enough of the same values to form a solid relationship.

[smiley21]

when i first started dating my boyfriend, i was 19 and he was 25. things were a little rough in the beginning. but 3 years later, we are still very happy.

before then, my ex ( who i am trying to forget, but i will bring him back to memory for this current topic) told me that he was 22. i found out later that he was really 28. i was 18. to me, that is very inappropriate. it was my very first relationship, so i would never gone out with him if i knew his age. it turned into a very messy relationship, cause he wanted to do 'things' that were way too old for me ( i was not ready for things to get that serious).

[LeslieAGD]

I think it's less about "age" and more about "age gap."
If you're 25 and dating a 35 year old, it wouldn't seem too strange....but if you're 18 and dating a 28 year old, many people would think it was weird and wrong.
IMO, once you're 21, the importance of age/age gap starts to lessen.

[swissmiss04]

Age is just a number. As long as you don't make it an issue, it won't be one. Not that I'm going to go search out any 15 year old guys anytime soon. If there are issues of legality, then I'd reconsider.

[cashmoney]

5 years difference at the max. Anymore than that and there will be problems at some point. Whether you're 20, 25, 30, 40, 45....you dont need more than 5 yrs apart if it's someone you want to marry or be with in a long term sense. Why? Well, there are a lot of reasons. Men loose their sexual drive a lot earlier than women, men go through their mid-life crisis and having a younger woman is fine....but when women go through theirs, having a much older man won't be good. Men who usually date or marry women a lot younger than them are usally the ones who turn out to be the 50/60 yr old guys who divorce their wives and get another 25/30 yr old later on. And there's the children factor. Lets say you're 25, dating a guy who's 32. Lets say things work out, you get married in a yr or two...which means you'll be 26 or 27. Then you'll want some time together before you start popping out 24hr headaches...so lets be short and say you have another yr or two together. That means you'll be 28 or 29. Well, by then the guy will be 35/36 and having his 1st kid and odds are you'll want more than one child. By the time your 1st kid is 20 yrs old its dad will be 55/56 yrs old. If you hurry up and have another kid a yr or two after the first child...the dad will be damn near 60 yrs old when the second child is 20. In my view, that too old. He won't be able to do much with kids ( active things ). I don't know about most men, but when I have kids I want to be an active dad.

[Lady Pi Phi]

Originally posted by cashmoney
...By the time your 1st kid is 20 yrs old its dad will be 55/56 yrs old. If you hurry up and have another kid a yr or two after the first child...the dad will be damn near 60 yrs old when the second child is 20. In my view, that too old. He won't be able to do much with kids ( active things ). I don't know about most men, but when I have kids I want to be an active dad.

I don't think 55/56 is too old to be a parent when your kids are in their 20's. My dad will be 56 this year. I'm the oldest (nearly 24) my brother is 20.

My mother was 30 when she had me, 34 when she had my brother. My dad was 32 and 36 respectively. He never had a problem being active with his kids. In fact he is still quite active. He plays ice hockey, coaches hockey for young kids, goes on canoe trips, etc, etc. My mum works out 4-5 days a week at the gym.
Also, since my parents were a little older than the average when when they had kids, they got to do many things that young parents never get to do. They traveled all around Europe and even lived and worked in Holland for a year.

It really depends on the people. If you think you're going to be inactive at 55, well then you're probably not taking good care of yourself now. 55 is not old anymore. My dad tried to get into an "oldtimers" hockey league and they said they didn't have any room for him. The league told him they the only way to get a space was to wait for someone to die. They have 70+ year old men still playing ice hockey. A very intense sport...both physically and mentally.

[AlphaFrog]

I feel the same way, L PiPhi...my dad took up snow skiing when he was 49, and he goes at least a few times every year....and he is now 59 (and I'm 21). He just bought a new motorcycle for himself. He golfs just about every free weekend. He swims in our pool and is looking for a gym to join so he can lift. If anything, having a child later in life kept him younger longer.