Rain Man: Owner of a Lonely Heart/Countdown To Matrimony

[Rain Man]

While I am still single, my "status" is rather ideal that IMHO I should be getting my pick of a woman. I am a seasoned professional in my career, homeowner, make a decent salary, God-worshiping, and TCBing.

Question: is it me or does it seem that foreign (read: African and Caribbean) women tend to gravitate toward me for friendships and relationships b/c their standards in a man isn't as stringent as an American woman's? No, for real. I have been dating Kenyans, Jamaicans, Bermudans, Malawians, Eritreans/Ethiopians and they all like my "plain" persona as a Black man.

It seems to me that while I prefer Black American women, I probably won't get one b/c in my experience, too many of them are too quick to put me in the "friend" zone b/c I don't meet their criteria of what they want in a man (yes, I am short--5' 6"). Whereas foreign women see me for who I am and accept it.

To make a long story short, do you really want a man, or do you want a living breathing fantasy?

PS: I may have to edit this b/c I asked 5 questions @ once. That's what happens when you are rambling...

[Professor]

I'm not calling any names but the young lady in dc should be able to address this issue - after all, she just wants a decent man to love - she is not at all caught up in all this crazy stuff - sounds like you are an ideal person for her - best of luck -

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by Rain Man
While I am still single, my "status" is rather ideal that IMHO I should be getting my pick of a woman. I am a seasoned professional in my career, homeowner, make a decent salary, God-worshiping, and TCBing.

Question: is it me or does it seem that foreign (read: African and Caribbean) women tend to gravitate toward me for friendships and relationships b/c their standards in a man isn't as stringent as an American woman's? No, for real. I have been dating Kenyans, Jamaicans, Bermudans, Malawians, Eritreans/Ethiopians and they all like my "plain" persona as a Black man.

It seems to me that while I prefer Black American women, I probably won't get one b/c in my experience, too many of them are too quick to put me in the "friend" zone b/c I don't meet their criteria of what they want in a man (yes, I am short--5' 6"). Whereas foreign women see me for who I am and accept it.

To make a long story short, do you really want a man, or do you want a living breathing fantasy?

PS: I may have to edit this b/c I asked 5 questions @ once. That's what happens when you are rambling...

Rainman, sweetheart, you have to find someone that loves you for just you--just as you are...

Lemme be brutally honest with you: many women who post here find you unattractive without ever having seen you or interacted with you because you ask probing and difficult questions, which gets on their last nerve...

For foreign women, they may have a good command of the English language (if not their native tongue), but because of sheer differences in acculturation, their experiences vary from most women native to the U.S. Dare I say, it varies from state to state...

So when you ask these women questions, they really think about them for whatever reason. It is a part of their learning, a part of their epistemology, a part of the way they learn and grew up... I dunno, but that's the best I can give you, sweetheart...

For sistahs tho' (and you know that euphemism)--especially the educated ones who are the uber-professionals, they do not give a DAYUM about the "moon and the stars" you try to talk about--in fact they see it a picky, harassing, haranguing--rather than highly intelligent, inquisitive, knowledgeable, etc...

I KNOW this is what is going on, because before my illness, I would have written you off in a heartbeat--'cuz after a long, hard days work with bigotted caucasian men and women that you wanted to beat the shit out of, but couldn't because of workplace violence--I dayum sho did not want to justify myself, especially not to you...

But after my illness, when I was ALONE in the hospital without ANYBODY, I had to revise my understanding about caring people--especially men...

My husband is much like you--questions--he thrives on that kind of thing--it is a "survival tactic" in the field of work he's in... Sistahs need to understand that. So we debate, discuss, etc. and may disagree... But it took me to change my understanding of how you smart Black men really are to love y'all...

Beloved, you will soon meet the woman of your dreams... She will be everything you have ever hoped for... I cannot guarentee that there won't be trials and tribulations with any relationship, but I can say, you have to take risks sometimes...

Have a Blessed Holiday!!!

[Honeykiss1974]

Just dropping in to say that was a great post AKA_Monet!

Sometimes people come to this realization on their own (that you should be with someone who loves you just as you are - faults, opinions, and all) and sometimes it takes a life changing moment to get you there.

[Rain Man]

....good points! Well said! (and yes, I had a happy holiday)

As far as educated sistas not wanting to be questioned and challenged, I thought that college was to teach you precisely that.

I mean no harm (and you probably already know this) when I ask those probing, challenging questions that I am very famous for here on GC. My objective on GC is to get folk to THINK critically, rather than react radically. And as college educated individuals, IMHO we should be better equipped and able to do this.

Edit: I had more to say about this, but I would be seriously hijacking the thread, but I agree wholeheartedly with your points.

[allsmiles_22]

Originally posted by Rain Man

As far as educated sistas not wanting to be questioned and challenged, I thought that college was to teach you precisely that.

I mean no harm (and you probably already know this) when I ask those probing, challenging questions that I am very famous for here on GC. My objective on GC is to get folk to THINK critically, rather than react radically. And as college educated individuals, IMHO we should be better equipped and able to do this.

There's a difference between being able to and wanting to. The latter is the reality while you choose to see the former.

[Rain Man]

Originally posted by allsmiles_22
There's a difference between being able to and wanting to. The latter is the reality while you choose to see the former.

I guess my whole point about college educated foreign women being better able to relate to me than college educated American women b/c of my "I challenge you to THINK" persona comes down to this:

Foreigners see college as a means to get knowledge (critical thinking)

Americans see college as a means to get over (job, more money).

Yes, I'm oversimplifying, but it is to prove a point.

Therefore, foriegn women are probably more apt to accept my persona because the need to think critically has been better ingrained in them from their cultural upbringing.

That has been THE biggest challenge in me finding a suitable Black American mate: Can you THINK?

OTOH, it is probably the reason why I prefer older women as opposed to women my age or younger.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by Rain Man
....good points! Well said! (and yes, I had a happy holiday)

As far as educated sistas not wanting to be questioned and challenged, I thought that college was to teach you precisely that.

I mean no harm (and you probably already know this) when I ask those probing, challenging questions that I am very famous for here on GC. My objective on GC is to get folk to THINK critically, rather than react radically. And as college educated individuals, IMHO we should be better equipped and able to do this.

Edit: I had more to say about this, but I would be seriously hijacking the thread, but I agree wholeheartedly with your points.

Originally posted by Rain Man
That has been THE biggest challenge in me finding a suitable Black American mate: Can you THINK?

I can understand your quandry... Most women will be cursing you out for your statements. But you will handle it...

And do you really think US colleges "really" prepare folks to think critically given what folks wanna do??? My point is, why take a very difficult professor in a non-majors course who does help you think critically, and have a poor overall GPA when you need that high one to get into graduate/professional school? Even in your majors GPA is high, if your overall GPA is poor, then what?

(And pretty please don't bring up the NPHC affiliates and GPAs here--either make another topic on that subject because we will go off on a tangent about that issue alone...)

Dare I say that most folks don't want the difficulty to think critically outside the box and be passionate about it like you are...

However, when you approach Sistahs, they HATE being challenged--especially on their thoughts about thangs. Rarely do you find many sistahs that can accept your inquisitiveness and take on your challenges--most of them older and more mature... And as far as some foreign women, they may not be understanding you as much as you think and might have other thangs on their mind that you cannot read till its too late... I did not say all, I said some...

All I can say that from the day you challenged my thoughts (good thing I was in grad school HELL) and seeing how you have eased some of your "attack positions"--if you want Sistahgirl, you have to slow your roll a bit... Let it "develop" and "blossom" or "evolve"--and you might be pleasantly suprised...



And to all the single and looking ladies,

As a betting women about to go the vega$, I would bet within 2005, Rainman will be taken off the single block... Because, he is in his prime and very ready... And I mean, really ready... Y'all just have to be up to the challenge...

PM me if you want to know how and why...

[Rain Man]

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
I can understand your quandry... Most women will be cursing you out for your statements. But you will handle it...

Dare I say that most folks don't want the difficulty to think critically outside the box and be passionate about it like you are...

However, when you approach Sistahs, they HATE being challenged--especially on their thoughts about thangs. Rarely do you find many sistahs that can accept your inquisitiveness and take on your challenges--most of them older and more mature... And as far as some foreign women, they may not be understanding you as much as you think and might have other thangs on their mind that you cannot read till its too late... I did not say all, I said some...

All I can say that from the day you challenged my thoughts (good thing I was in grad school HELL) and seeing how you have eased some of your "attack positions"--if you want Sistahgirl, you have to slow your roll a bit... Let it "develop" and "blossom" or "evolve"--and you might be pleasantly suprised...



And to all the single and looking ladies,

As a betting women about to go the vega$, I would bet within 2005, Rainman will be taken off the single block... Because, he is in his prime and very ready... And I mean, really ready... Y'all just have to be up to the challenge...

PM me if you want to know how and why...

Thank you, AKAMonet! I receive that from the bottom of my heart.


Your posts on this topic has humbled me.

BTW, I hope you have had a Merry Christmas as well!!

[AKA_Monet]

I know I'm gonna get blasted 'cuz of this...

But one thing I have found out is that most, if not all African American men have extremely sensitive egos...

And they love to have their egos boosted, several times a day if possible.

It is difficult to boost the egos of extremely smart African American men... Because they catch on quickly... But because these fellas are extremely logical and "vulcanesque", you can affect them with sensual innuendoes quickly...

The thugs have the toughest exterior but all gushy in the middle. However, if you have never grown up in that environment, then you have difficulty reaching inside their heart--'cuz they barely have one... But it's in there, somewhere... How you might find it is a pathway you might spend your youthful looks finding...

A playa says he never needs loving... That's what he says... But the more love he "spreads" from woman to woman, the less love he gets in return. That's because he's spent. He doesn't have much love. He barely loves himself, how quite possibly could he love you?

The spoilt brothaman is the hardest one of all. You don't know which way the "wind" will blow with that one--if you catch my drift, or if he would appreciate it. But when he does, you would have an open-access pass to his heart and he will be ever present in all aspects of your life because he is the one who loves you deeply as a friend...

Ladies, and gentlemen, remember that during this NYE season... And protect yourself at all times...

[allsmiles_22]

Originally posted by Rain Man

That has been THE biggest challenge in me finding a suitable Black American mate: Can you THINK?

My post wasn't in regards to what you deal with outside of GC.

Originally posted by Rain Man
It seems to me that while I prefer Black American women, I probably won't get one b/c in my experience, too many of them are too quick to put me in the "friend" zone b/c I don't meet their criteria of what they want in a man (yes, I am short--5' 6"). Whereas foreign women see me for who I am and accept it.

Why are you searching for a suitable American when you have Foreigners (read: African and Caribbean) that you relate better to? What makes the American more preferable to end up with?

Originally posted by Rain Man
To make a long story short, do you really want a man, or do you want a living breathing fantasy?

So we aren't allowed to prefer tall men without mullets, but you can prefer Americans to Foreigners?

I don't like the way this thread is turning into women being too picky and that's why they are having a hard time finding a mate. I'm pretty sure the women have no problems finding guys and while they may not be perfect, the women will work with them. The problem could be these guys are in turn searching for their own fantasy or don't want a commitment. They want all the perks and benefits of a committed relationship, but don't want the label.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by allsmiles_22
I don't like the way this thread is turning into women being too picky and that's why they are having a hard time finding a mate. I'm pretty sure the women have no problems finding guys and while they may not be perfect, the women will work with them. The problem could be these guys are in turn searching for their own fantasy or don't want a commitment. They want all the perks and benefits of a committed relationship, but don't want the label.

I don't think women are too picky... They just have their expectations, as they should. The higher the better. And I think that the expectations should be made known immediately. Most African American men appreciate that--they may not like it, but they like the directness for some reason...

I think it is hard to find a soulmate. A mate is easy to find. But one that you want to get along with for a long time, now that's difficult.

For whatever reasons, most sistahs want a man to love them... A soulmate mostly... A nightstand, some do, some don't. And, one has to be opened to numerous possibilities to find that "special someone". That means you kiss frogs, often... And if the frog treats you well, then you will have baby tadpoles. But they will be yours...

However, I don't think Rain man's assessment is to bash African American women here... I really think he's waiting for that special somebody to come into his life and "sweep" him off his feet--or rock his world (if you catch my drift). And he has practiced so much stand offishness over the years, that he is outta tune with the beat of a sistah that might be the "one he is searching for"...

You just have to know those kinds of things about men... Sometimes they let anything come outta their mouths without thinking...

[Rain Man]

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
I don't think women are too picky... They just have their expectations, as they should. The higher the better. And I think that the expectations should be made known immediately. Most African American men appreciate that--they may not like it, but they like the directness for some reason...

Very true, AKAMonet.

I think it is hard to find a soulmate. A mate is easy to find. But one that you want to get along with for a long time, now that's difficult. For whatever reasons, most sistahs want a man to love them... A soulmate mostly... A nightstand, some do, some don't. And, one has to be opened to numerous possibilities to find that "special someone". That means you kiss frogs, often... And if the frog treats you well, then you will have baby tadpoles. But they will be yours...

Again, so true!

However, I don't think Rain man's assessment is to bash African American women here... I really think he's waiting for that special somebody to come into his life and "sweep" him off his feet--or rock his world (if you catch my drift). And he has practiced so much stand offishness over the years, that he is outta tune with the beat of a sistah that might be the "one he is searching for"...

BINGO! AKAMonet, you are batting 1000 here!

Many women here on GC confuse my constructive criticism with ______ bashing. Only a handful has successfully been able to discern the core messages I have been conveying in my posts, and from that, I have received great rapport from these individuals.

One thing women must understand about me is that I am NOT a politically correct person; I do not cater to egos, but I do cater to a person's character. That does not mean that I will not stroke someone's ego from time to time, but that is only after I have discerned the nature of your spirit and character and I am comfortable with you in such a way that I would not mind giving you an occasional ego boost, which I have done, albeit on a sparingly basis.

My un-PC nature is IMHO the real reason why I am not popular with a lot of women here on GC, but I am OK with that.

Here is a little known secret about me regarding the perm/mullet appearance: I would LOVE to be able to get rid of it for the woman I love. The thing about it is: Do you have the spirit and character that is so attractive to me, that it would make me WANT to get rid of it because my heart's desire is to please you? If you love my heart and character (the internal) as is, I would have no problems with working on my physical appearace (the external), b/c AFAIC the external is merely the icing (read: bonus) on an already excellent tasting cake, which I would be glad to perfect.

As it stands now, all the perm/mullet jokes and snide comments are merely encouraging me to keep it rather than discouraging me from keeping it. In other words, you can catch more flies with honey rather than with vinegar.

You just have to know those kinds of things about men... Sometimes they let anything come outta their mouths without thinking...

No comment

[Love_Spell_6]

Originally posted by Rain Man
Originally posted by AKA_Monet
I don't think women are too picky... They just have their expectations, as they should. The higher the better. And I think that the expectations should be made known immediately. Most African American men appreciate that--they may not like it, but they like the directness for some reason...

Very true, AKAMonet.

I think it is hard to find a soulmate. A mate is easy to find. But one that you want to get along with for a long time, now that's difficult. For whatever reasons, most sistahs want a man to love them... A soulmate mostly... A nightstand, some do, some don't. And, one has to be opened to numerous possibilities to find that "special someone". That means you kiss frogs, often... And if the frog treats you well, then you will have baby tadpoles. But they will be yours...

Again, so true!

However, I don't think Rain man's assessment is to bash African American women here... I really think he's waiting for that special somebody to come into his life and "sweep" him off his feet--or rock his world (if you catch my drift). And he has practiced so much stand offishness over the years, that he is outta tune with the beat of a sistah that might be the "one he is searching for"...

BINGO! AKAMonet, you are batting 1000 here!

Many women here on GC confuse my constructive criticism with ______ bashing. Only a handful has successfully been able to discern the core messages I have been conveying in my posts, and from that, I have received great rapport from these individuals.

One thing women must understand about me is that I am NOT a politically correct person; I do not cater to egos, but I do cater to a person's character. That does not mean that I will not stroke someone's ego from time to time, but that is only after I have discerned the nature of your spirit and character and I am comfortable with you in such a way that I would not mind giving you an occasional ego boost, which I have done, albeit on a sparingly basis.

My un-PC nature is IMHO the real reason why I am not popular with a lot of women here on GC, but I am OK with that.

Here is a little known secret about me regarding the perm/mullet appearance: I would LOVE to be able to get rid of it for the woman I love. The thing about it is: Do you have the spirit and character that is so attractive to me, that it would make me WANT to get rid of it because my heart's desire is to please you? If you love my heart and character (the internal) as is, I would have no problems with working on my physical appearace (the external), b/c AFAIC the external is merely the icing (read: bonus) on an already excellent tasting cake, which I would be glad to perfect.

As it stands now, all the perm/mullet jokes and snide comments are merely encouraging me to keep it rather than discouraging me from keeping it. In other words, you can catch more flies with honey rather than with vinegar.

You just have to know those kinds of things about men... Sometimes they let anything come outta their mouths without thinking...

No comment

RainMan,
I have no doubt that you will be off the market soon and very soon.! And you're so right, if a woman doesn't like you because of your hair and because you challenge them to think outside the box, forget them and keep moving. To use as an example, no one really thought Will Smith was cute...until Jada got with him..changed up his clothes, HAIR and whole style... the old saying a good woman can make or break a man is so true.

Hold fast for the one that God has for you, and when you meet her, you will know. Don't get caught up in what the women here on GC say that don't know you.

You'll be AIGHT!!!

[AKA_Monet]

Hey, what is up with the very, skurry needs a new curl, permed out mullet, dude... That like went out in the Reagan administration...

Rainman, lets be honest, you want honey without the bees... You cain't be swangin' the hottest chick and you ain't flashin' major cash or looking "smoove, suave and deboner" (a husband euphemism). And it don't matta how clean you are, 'cuz there's some luser chick that lovvveddd them some former Miami Dolphins Ricky--had his kid, too...

You on the other hand, ain't swinging it like dat, dere... So, if you want the big ticketed, endowed women who wear 6 inch heels, you are gonna have to step it up a notch, or two... That's what I am talking about when I say taking risks...

You can be your inquisitive self as much as you want. But, if you ain't footin' the bill, then you can't go where the playas go..

Okey, I break it down like this to you. Mr. AKA_Monet, has a very terrible skin condition... His own boys call him "wolverine" from X-men... Along with that, he had acne even at his age--30-something. When he was a teen, he tried Retin-A. It never worked... Then I watched him and his skin care regimen. He was caring for his skin all wrong!!! So, a Mary Kay consultant and I organized a skin care maintenence regimen and I had to teach my husband how to care for his face... Within 3 months, he was clear of his bruising adult acne. When his mother came for a visit, she was amazed how clear his face looked... And now he can shave without breaking out in hives...

So, your problem is you either don't know what to do and need a caring female opinion that is not your mama's or auntie's. Or you want your hair full on matted--which is fine--but you reap what you sow... You ain't gonna get the one you look for if you refuse to take a risk and change a bit...