Cutters

[DGqueen17]

This isn't about a romantic relationship but I figured I was more likely to get serious responses here than I would in Chit Chat.



I have a friend who I have known since third grade. We're not extremely close, it's like a friendship where you know you can call them but you don't hang out with each other constantly. Until this past summer she was dating someone and they moved in together.

Well he decided he didnt want a girlfriend and moved out and she lost it. She called me and I went to pick her up because I didn't want her to be alone. Whenever I got to her house she showed me her wrists, which she had cut. The cuts weren't bad, they were very faint and looked like a cat had scratched her. But regardless it made me worry......

Fast forward to last weekend. She calls me around 11 crying because she needs a ride home. I was trashed so I had our other friend drive to get her. The guy she was seeing started a fight with her and she was upset. So we drop her off at home. I call her later that night to come get me from the bar because I somehow lost my friends. She picks me up and on the way home she's like I cut myself again and shows me her wrists. This time it didn't look like scratches. These were bad, deep cuts.

I have absolutely no idea what to do. I try to tell her she shouldn't do that but what else can I do? I really would hate to involve her dad, I feel that's something she should discuss with him.

Any suggestions?

[adpiucf]

I don't think she would make it a point to show off her cuts if she was serious about suicide. She wants and needs attention, and this may be more than you can handle. Her parents are better equipped to get her help than you. You are there to be her shoulder to lean on, but you can only allow so much leaning.

Will she be mad at you for telling her dad? Yes. But is it worth it to you for her to be happy and healthy again? I think so.

[AchtungBaby80]

She wants attention--give it to her! If she were serious about this, she would try to hide it, but at least she's reaching out to you.

[sugar and spice]

Definitely talk to her about it. Cutting is not necessarily a sign of suicidal intentions (in fact, the two are usually not connected) so I wouldn't be too worried about that yet -- but it still is a serious problem. I would also recommend reading/giving her a copy of "Bodily Harm" by Karen Conterio and Wendy Lader, as it is a really good book breaking down why people self-injure and how the behavior can be changed.

If she doesn't seem like she wants to talk about it, then I would definitely recommend getting her dad involved.

[Rudey]

Supposedly you cut to feel the pain and to feel alive and don't want to die. I think.

I also think you should take the cut wrist and lick it. Lick it real good. This forum is on dating & relationships and I don't think you can do much more to start a relationship than licking her cut wrists.

-Rudey
--Freeeaky

[CUGreekgirl]

Definitely help her get psychiatric help. I really don't think she would have shown you unless she wanted help. I've spent years in psychological counseling, it doesn't mean i'm not still messed up as hell, but I can at least function normally in society.

Usually people cut themselves in order to replace there emotional pain w/ physical pain. When they have to focus on the pain from where they cut themselves they forget about the emotional sh*t they are dealing with (at least temporarily)

[PM_Mama00]

Originally posted by CUGreekgirl
Definitely help her get psychiatric help. I really don't think she would have shown you unless she wanted help. I've spent years in psychological counseling, it doesn't mean i'm not still messed up as hell, but I can at least function normally in society.

Usually people cut themselves in order to replace there emotional pain w/ physical pain. When they have to focus on the pain from where they cut themselves they forget about the emotional sh*t they are dealing with (at least temporarily)

Actually, most of the time you don't even feel the pain of the cut.


DGqueen..... you're being a really good friend in that you are worried about her. She may be doing it for attention, but just let her know that you care about her and be there for her when she needs to talk. Sometimes talking to friends is way better than talking to a professional.

From experience, the worst thing to do is to turn your back on her. She probably feels like no one cares about her and she's probably reaching out to a friend to feel some kind of care.

[James]

If she only does it after she has a bad scene with a boy . . it might not be that serious.

[AChiOAlumna]

Originally posted by James
If she only does it after she has a bad scene with a boy . . it might not be that serious.

Cutting is ALWAYS serious regardless of the circumstances...however, the fact she has the beginning of a pattern that when she can't control the guy/argument/etc., that she cuts and then calls her friend...in psychological terms, that is manipulation!! She cuts to contain her own feelings and then when reality sets in, she contacts her friend...

DG...It's wonderful that you're worried about your friend and she's lucky to have you...she needs professional help and quick! I don't know how close you are to her, but her parents may need to get involved to get her help. She may get mad at you for doing this, but she is in the beginning of a bad personality cycle that needs intervention NOW...if not, the cutting "could" get worse...there's no guarantee, but cutters are 3 times more likely to attempt suicide.

For her safety and your sanity, get someone involved who can handle the situation!!

Good luck!

[PM_Mama00]

No, cutters usually cut to prevent something more serious, such as suicide.

[sugar and spice]

Originally posted by James
If she only does it after she has a bad scene with a boy . . it might not be that serious.

Uhhh . . . no.

What is important here is not what triggers her to cut (boys, fights with her parents, grades, whatever) but why she turns to cutting rather than a more appropriate response. Once again, you are trivializing a very serious issue that you have little to no experience dealing with. In most cases the reason why people cut is two-fold:

1) They are unable to talk about their problems to people. Cutting is a subconscious way of making it obvious that they're hurting even if they can't express it in words.
2) They think that their problems are entirely their own fault and that they deserve to be "punished" for it -- thus they take out their negative feelings on their bodies.

Whether it happens only once every couple months or three times a day, either way it is a serious problem in need of addressing.

(Eating disorders are just another form of self-injury and the reasons behind them are often the same, fyi.)

And Phildo is right -- while cutters are more likely to attempt suicide than non-cutters, that's just because cutters often have problems with depression and anxiety, which lead to suicide attempts. But cutting in and of itself is NOT an indication of suicidal intentions (it is a coping mechanism intended to prevent dealing with suicidal feelings/depression/rage/anxiety), and the majority of cutters are not suicidal. I would hesitate in making that jump because it can make the cutter feel isolated and like you don't understand her problem if she is, indeed, not suicidal and you assume she is -- and from the situation described here, it doesn't sound like DGQueen's friend is suicidal, although, of course, that's definitely something you want to check up on.

[HotDamnImAPhiMu]

I say talk to her Dad.

I think some of us, the minute we get in college, think we've got to cut all ties with our parents. We figure we're supposed to be adults now, so we force ourselves to deal with all our own problems, with NO outside help.

The great thing about parents is they usually WANT to help, and better than that, they have experience both (a) with life and (b) with us. Who knows what DGQueen's friend's history is like? Maybe she did this when she was younger, too, and her dad got her the help she needed then -- but if he doesn't know the problem, he can't help.

Additionally, she's probably still on her parents' insurance if she's in college. Which is going to be important if the cuts get any worse and she needs medical attention.

Co-sign what sugar&spice said. And James -- please keep your comments to yourself when you don't know what you're talking about. Suggesting that self-mutilation "might not be that serious" based on a bystander's description of events (condensed to fit on an internet site, to boot) is at best irresponsible. We have no idea what the whole story is. And if that IS the whole story -- she's cutting her own skin. How much more serious can you get?

[DGqueen17]

She called me last night to apologize for showing me. She said that she doesn't remember doing it, that she feels like she blacked out and when she woke up she saw she had cut herself.

She told me she was going to talk to her dad about it because this is something that her mother use to do. I hope she does talk to him. I think that she will, but I am going to try to keep an eye on her until I know for sure if she did.

I was discussing it last night with one of my other friends and we agreed that if she doesn't tell her dad, I would try and get ahold of her brother. I would feel better telling him and maybe he could talk to her and convince her to go to their dad for help.

[adpiucf]

That sounds like a smart plan. Going to her brother may not feel as intimidating because he is a peer. Good luck. We'd all be very fortunate to have friends in our lives who care about us as much as you care about your friend!

[cashmoney]

If I was her friend I'd talk to her about it all but keep my distance. The girl is crazy no doubt about it. If she's blacking out while doing all this, like you said, she's mental. You might end up seeing her on court TV like all the other female killaz who say they don't know what happened and don't remember anything. She's got a plate to handle. Isn't she the one with herpes or thinks she has HPV? I'd tell her parents. When I had a friend in college who had a problem I called his parents. He was addicted to GHB and his life revolved around it. He'd take it before class, going out, chapter meetings and everywhere else. But what made it bad was that he would go into G holes all the time. I knew his family and they were good people, nice, wealthy, good in every way. When I called he got really mad, said we were done, almost got in a closed fist fight. He went home for a semester, came back and thanked me like you wouldn't believe.